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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my children to get presents from santa on christmas morning

41 replies

KatyH · 07/12/2009 23:01

I have 2 DDs (5 & 2). We are going to the in-laws for christmas and staying in the same house as my 2 nieces (also 5 & 2). In dh's family, the tradition is that santa brings a stocking full of small toys and you get this first thing in the morning. Your main present is then from your mum and dad and you get this after christmas dinner. Dh wants to stick by this tradition as we will be at his sister's (fair enough) but it creates problems in that it throws up inconsistencies with other years (we take it year about with each other's family). How do I explain to the 5 year old why santa hasn't brought them anything and we've had to buy it? I suggested we could have the bigger presents after dinner but not mention that they are from us, but he thinks this is an imposition on his sister.

What do others think? AIBU? Also, am I weird in that all of our presents were always from santa and we got them all first thing in the morning? He thinks the way his family does it is what everyone does.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 07/12/2009 23:05

Yes, you are weird!

Small presents in a stocking from Father Christmas. Other presents from the people who bought them.

Do your children really think that all their presents are from Father Christmas? How do the people feel who gave them to them? How do they know who to thank?

buggyjo · 07/12/2009 23:10

no your not weird,thats how we did it,presants were given to us from other people and we knew who they were from.stay at home and go over for dinner later.!!

Shivs1974 · 07/12/2009 23:10

I had a v similar discussion with someone at work and I really think that everyone has slightly different ways of doing things....

When I was younger Fr Christmas brought your stocking (with little presents & a tangerine in) and some bigger presents, unwrapped left on a chair. All other presents were from other family members - grandparents, aunts/uncles etc...We didn't get a present from our parents as such....

Colleague at work has Fr C being the means of transport - he doesn't bring any presents from himself, rather he is just the delivery man - if that makes sense...

I think it's v confusing for adults, nevermind children but maybe they just gloss over the detail....can you tell my eldest is only 4 and she'll probably want all the detail this year! Could you perhaps say that Fr Christmas has asked you to bring the main present to your inlaws house and hope that the questions stop there???

mollybob · 07/12/2009 23:11

I'm with you actually - there are a few pressies from others but my dcs get nothing from us - why not tell them that santa has left most of their presents at your house and give them just something v small at the in-laws. should be consistent enough for a 5 year old

busybutterfly · 07/12/2009 23:12

For goodness' sake, your DD's will have a wonderful day with the family - they are getting something from Santa (stockings).

All families do different things. This year we're going to a hotel for dinner with IL's where Santa will be coming and giving out presents to our 3 DC's (aged from 18months to 7 years).

They'll love it. Not something my family would do but hey.

YABU. Lighten up.

paisleyleaf · 07/12/2009 23:12

No I don't think Katy's saying father christmas gives all the presents from relatives. Just the stocking and main present.
It's the main present that's causing the inconsistency at the in-laws.
Sorry though, I don't know what to suggest. I can see your problem.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 07/12/2009 23:14

We always had stocking presents and one big present from Santa, then of course all the other big presents from grandparents, aunties, friends etc. Now I think about it, I wonder why I never thought it was strange that our parents didn't buy us anything!

My DD is smaller but will the 5 yr-old really remember that every other year Santa has brought big pressie? Or just make something up? Big presents won't fit down aunty's chimney so Santa has asked mummy and daddy to bring them with them?...

Actually, now I think about THAT I never wondered why my best friend got a whole pillowcase full of presents from Santa while I only had a stocking.

God, I was gullible!

pollywobblebauble · 07/12/2009 23:18

YABU, it is not only within the family that they will see differences.....you need to throw schoolfriends into the mix too....they will all do different things and will talk about it

nickschick · 07/12/2009 23:21

The way it works at ours is that we buy all the presents and santa decides if they 'deserve them' and delivers them ....but theres always a toy usually a traditional thing or something unusual that nobody remembers buying .....

Examples have been wooden yoyos ,toy soldiers,bricks,pencils with names on etc etc- last year 15 yr old ds got a 'santa' gift of a ww2 book .

TinselianAstra · 07/12/2009 23:25

From the title only: YABU. He's not real. Your children therefore cannot get presents from him.

Original poster
KatyH · 07/12/2009 23:29

They don't get told that their relative's presents are from santa. Also, I understand that people do things differently that's why I'm not averse to compromising but dh seems to think we should just do it his family's way.

I too always wondered why my mum and dad hadn't got us anything

OP posts:
Original poster
KatyH · 07/12/2009 23:30

Heh heh, lol Tinsel, a very good point, well made!

OP posts:
BratleyGaveInToBaubles · 07/12/2009 23:30

My family, and DH's, think its normal for Santa to bring all the presents where as I think we should 'play' Santa and DS should appreciate that other relatives have gone to the effort of buying him things.

Otherwise, DS would open presents from Santa at Grandma's house (we're staying at MILs this year) then go to my Mums and open presents from Santa there, then my Dads, then in the afternoon we'll visit about 5 or 6 different relatives houses. Why on earth would Santa leave presents at each of those houses for him?
Whereas next year we'll be at our own house and family will send presents down for him to open and we'll visit them a week later.
I agree main presents should be on the morning then any others should be given throughout the day, as gifts from people.

Everyone else thinks I'm mad and I know they'll all stick with their story anyway, even if I tell them what I'd prefer!

Hope you get through the day without too many inquisitive questions!

soozeedol · 07/12/2009 23:33

We always had our stocking and knew it was mum and dad but the big main present was always from Santa and anything else that we got we knew was from our parents and relatives.
We always wrote a letter to ask Santa for whatever 'big' present we wanted and he would write back to us ... we looked forward to the reply from Santa because he would tell us about how well we had been doing at school and whatever we had been achieving thru the year ... he was proud of us and knew that our parents were proud and that we could look forward to a lovely christmas .. it was quite special to us ... and just as good when we realised that mum and dad had made these lovely letters for us!! I do the same for my son every year and it's still special to read on christmas morning for us

Spectroscopy · 07/12/2009 23:38

I don't think it is being weird it seems that all families have slightly different ways of going about things.

All my son's (age 5) gifts are from named people (except ours I guess....hadn't thought about that until now!) and I am pretty sure he knows that the stocking was filled by me, too! I don't actually think he thinks that 'Santa' is an actual person who delivers xmas pressies, could be wrong about that, more of a concept
.

In DH's family the children have their stockings in the morning and open all the presents after lunch. We don't do that though! I witnessed it a couple of years back with SIL's children (we came round in the afternoon). I really didn't think it went well at all.....each to their own though!

I think you need to do what the IL's do as you will be at their house, however, I have no idea why 'not mentioning who it is from' is a problem [hmmm], especially with children so young.

norfolkBRONZEturkey · 07/12/2009 23:42

I'm like your dh and my dh was like you until I convinced him otherwise (and we do most things his/their way)

MollieO · 07/12/2009 23:46

Ds (5) told me he was FC this evening! In our house ds gets a stocking from FC and his main present. The rest are as named from family.

Spectroscopy · 07/12/2009 23:47

oh, forgot to add, I thought everybody opened their pressies first thing in the morning, too. My IL's are the only people I know (well have discussed it with!) that have that [after lunch] tradition. I know I won't be adopting it and we are sufficiently grumpy to insist that we wake up in our own house on Christmas morning!

MIL also insists on cooking roast beef along with the turkey and putting both meats on the plate with strong BEEF gravy. Absolutely no idea about that one. Even DH has no idea but apparently she has always done it. Thankfully, she has happily passed the dinner cooking duties on to me.

norfolkBRONZEturkey · 07/12/2009 23:50

we used to have some after lunch simply because of time
we would open stockings and one present that we could take with us to church
e would the start opening proper when we got back and finish after lunch

Alambil · 08/12/2009 00:38

FC wraps only the childrens' presents and delivers them in my family - people send the presents to the special cupboard and the elves collect them for wrapping. He only deals with the kids ones because he's miles too busy to do adults too so to join in, adults wrap the other stuff

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/12/2009 00:39

We would wake up to a stocking and wrapped toys at the bottom of the bed from Santa. We'd open them as soon as we awoke. There were also presents from our parents, usually a new winter coat or party clothes, which we'd open in the morning.

Then a big family gathering at my aunt's for Christmas dinner, with all family presents placed in a sack. My uncle would then pull the presents out of the sack one by one to loud cheers until everyone had all their presents in front of them, and we each took it in turn to open them, starting with the youngest family member (gran was very patient!).

Boys2mam · 08/12/2009 13:15

LewisFan; Thank you, you just gave me a perfect interpretation of Christmas in our home, now and when I was a child - I could just never put a concise description of it.

If I was expected to go and stay at my DP's familys home I would not do so if I was expected to forego my traditions and follow theirs.

The kids are 5 and 2 so what did you do other years?

Sassybeast · 08/12/2009 13:19

YANBU but it's difficult because every family does things differently. it's difficult though because whilst your DH is mindful of respecting HIS family traditions, YOURS also deserve respect. I find the comments on thread slike this belittling otehr peoples Christmas traditions odd. DHs family did things VERY differently to mine growing up but we now have a mish mash of traditions - theer is no right or wrong way.

MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 13:21

Children really believe what you tell them. Santa does it differently in each house depending on the traditions in that house. Just like every family have their own rules.

Our DC get presents from Christkind on Christmas Eve as the Germans celebrate on 24th December. Small pressie and the ones from German relatives. They are the only children in their class to get presents from Christkind.

They get their main presents from Santa on 25th and the presents from Scottish relatives.

They have never queried it, it is just the way it is.

2rebecca · 08/12/2009 13:44

I think if you have a tradition with your kids then I'd stick to that tradition no matter where you are. That is your family tradition, older relatives can have theirs for their presents.
Kids' dad's family had main present from santa so we stuck to that with the kids, even when at my parents' house where presents from parents were labelled as such. Our kids still got a big santa present because that was how we did it.
If a grandparent can't indulge the grandkids in their own xmas traditions then I wouldn't want to spend xmas with them.
In the OP though what do you do if grannie/ auntie buys a big present?
Our kids have never had just 1 present and lots of little ones, usually stocking and pile of presents.
There's no way I would make my kids wait until after dinner to open presents though. That's just cruel. There is a time for patience and restraint, but xmas day isn't it.