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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my children to get presents from santa on christmas morning

41 replies

KatyH · 07/12/2009 23:01

I have 2 DDs (5 & 2). We are going to the in-laws for christmas and staying in the same house as my 2 nieces (also 5 & 2). In dh's family, the tradition is that santa brings a stocking full of small toys and you get this first thing in the morning. Your main present is then from your mum and dad and you get this after christmas dinner. Dh wants to stick by this tradition as we will be at his sister's (fair enough) but it creates problems in that it throws up inconsistencies with other years (we take it year about with each other's family). How do I explain to the 5 year old why santa hasn't brought them anything and we've had to buy it? I suggested we could have the bigger presents after dinner but not mention that they are from us, but he thinks this is an imposition on his sister.

What do others think? AIBU? Also, am I weird in that all of our presents were always from santa and we got them all first thing in the morning? He thinks the way his family does it is what everyone does.

OP posts:

Mishy1234 · 08/12/2009 13:48

I think children are quite adaptable and will accept a change in Christmas day routine as long as they get something at their usual present opening time.

We always opened our presents the minute we woke up and I had never come across waiting until after lunch before I spent Christmas with DH's family. Found it very strange and the pre-lunch communal crossword even stranger!

Gubbins · 08/12/2009 13:51

My family tradition has always been stockings from Father Christmas first thing (Which we still get now. I'm 39. The only diference is that we do stockings for my parents too these days.) then big presents from parents/friends/family under the tree at tea time, which was the first point in the day when my mum was able to relax and watch us kids open our presents and get a chance to open her own.

My inlaws opened all their presents as soon as they were up. They had more time in the morning as they didn't do church and had x-mas dinner at 5 or 6pm, rather than at lunchtime like my parents, so when we've stayed with them we went along with that. Our own traditions are now a mingling of the two. We allow one small present to be opened on x-mas eve, then they pile into our bed to open the stockings from FC. Main presents depends on what they are. Last year they both got scooters, so opened those after breakfast so I could turf them out from underfoot down to the park. Then the rest of the presents are opened at around 2 or 3 before the main meal at 4 or 5.

I think your solution is the right one. You would be unreasonable if you wanted to change their traditional timings for the day, as they probably have good reason for doing it as they do, and it would certainly not be fair for the neices if they had to sit through your kids gettign their presents earlier but I really don't see why failing to tell your child who the present is from should be any kind of imposition on your sister. The kids will be so happily getting stuck into presents does your husband really think they'll notice what another child is being told about the source of that present?

madrush · 08/12/2009 14:03

Our tradition, wherever we wake up is fc presents at end of bed, opened first thing in our room.

Other presents arrive under the tree whenever we get them - these are from friends and relatives, fc doesn't have anything to do with them. These include a gift to each child from us.

When the veg etc is all prepared and table laid, then we open the presents from under the tree. This might be 10-10.30 but well recommended if you like help with peeling the potatoes!

On Boxing Day my parents do a lovely extra thing - there is an additional little present somewhere on the tree for whoever's having dinner with us. By the time I've remembered that I want to do this too, I can't be bother ed with more shopping but I like the idea!

Pitchounette · 08/12/2009 14:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

KatyH · 08/12/2009 20:33

Thank you everyone. I don't have particularly strong feelings about these traditions it's just problematic because dd1 remembers christmas last year when we were at home and she woke up to all of her presents from santa in the morning and had none from us. Plus she has already written her santa letter so would be expecting the main present from him. Oh what a tangled web we weave...!

Anyway, I decided that we will do things dh's way with a small tweak. I've told dd1 that parents often help santa with presents because he has so many to buy. That way if there's any reference to presents from mum and dad it won't seem so strange. I've also prepared her for the fact that her cousins keep some presents back for after christmas dinner and she seemed fine with that...but we'll see how patient she is on the day! Hopefully that's a reasonable enough compromise.

I think this has taught me 2 lessons; avoid telling children elaborate lies and stay in my own house at christmas! Thank you for all your input, you've given me some great ideas for new traditions too

OP posts:

ClaraJo · 08/12/2009 20:48

We've always done stockings from FC and presents under the tree from whoever it says on the tag (including us).

That way, we have always been able to explain to our children that FC doesn't bring the big presents (because they won't fit in their stockings). This has served us well when we haven't been able to afford/track down the dream present.

I've watched parents tearing their hair out about things they couldn't get hold of, because the child just said "Oh well, doesn't matter if it's out of stock, FC will get it for me"!! I just 'fessed up and told DD she wouldn't be getting it.

I agree with the poster that said avoid staying over at a house where the tradition is different if it really means a lot to you.

Lapsedrunner · 08/12/2009 20:51

Father Christmas/Santa only brings stockings, all presents under the tree (or similar) are from family/friends

PoppyIsApain · 08/12/2009 20:56

I am stating my tradition that mummy and daddy buy the presents and then send them off to santa to put the magic in, i dont really want my ds believing that all the hard work that goes into buying and choosing the pressies is santa IYKWIM

Original poster

KatyH · 08/12/2009 21:03

Unfortunately we can't avoid staying in other people's homes because we live far from both sets of in-laws. If we want to see them at christmas then we need to stay with them.

OP posts:

CurlyCasper · 08/12/2009 21:25

My DH always only got a stocking from Santa. I've just posed the question of what's the point in writing to Santa each year asking for something special, only for him to never bring it (even if your parents do)?

For me, Santa was magical, so he brought your big present, your heart's desire. If you're going to do the Santa thing, he should have the wow factor in my opinion!

And I never got anything from my mum and dad (someone eventually pointed this out at school!)

We also differ in that my family always tear in first thing, and his family did stockings first thing and main presents when back from Church (these days it's actually when back from the pub/village drinks)

I'm going to push for it to be done my way the fun way when in my house when my LO is born!

As someone else said, your children will hear at school about different ways on doing it. But you should not have to give in just because your DH thinks his way is "right". I think you need a compromise, even if I can't actually suggest one!

AngryPixie · 08/12/2009 21:25

Santa only fills the stockings, all other presents as per label. It's really important to me that the children know that DH and I have chosen/bought the big present.

Milliways · 08/12/2009 21:32

We have Santa bringing stockings (only v.little things) to open early and 1 mid size present to open after breakfast (left by fireplace).

All other pressies opened after lunch, as per labels.

Friends who have Santa bring EVERYTHING get stuck when kids say - it's OK, Santa makes it/brings it, so it doesn't matter what it costs!

Another friend sends money to Santa to do the shopping!

pranma · 08/12/2009 21:35

My Turkish dgd never queried why Santa filled her stocking on Christmas Eve and left presents under the tree whereas her friends had Noel Baba give sweets etc on New Year's Eve [she got those too].Now she is 10 she knows the truth but says she will do Santa Claus with her own babies one day.
In my family FC fills stockings and also leaves one 'special present'on bed.Tree presents from whoever but at my house,'Santa left a present here specially for you'.My main gift has been under the tree.I have 9 dgc and 7 will be seen at Christmas[not all on the day]so it takes some organising as we also do a stocking for each couple to share.As for believing well.....my stocking has never been empty yet!!

choosyfloosy · 08/12/2009 21:42

I don't exactly think YABU but nonetheless I think the traditions of the house should be the ones you go with (of course, the tradition in our house is like your dh's!)

Truth is that children will swallow ANYTHING if they want to believe it. So make something up - Father Christmas asked you to buy a present this year because an elf had a tummy bug and couldn't finish it in time. You could even write a note from FC to stick on the present thanking you both for helping out

Last year I remember that FC fell over a reindeer's hoof and lost a crucial screw in one of the toys (had lost the damn thing at 12.30 the previous night). What joy when we upended the stocking and there was the missing screw!

2gorgeousboys · 08/12/2009 21:45

In our house Santa brings all the children's presents and they are opened first thing in the morning. I have been known to spend Christmas Eve cutting off the tags that DMIL has stuck on the DS's gifts!

That is not how DH's family did it when he was growing up but it is how we did it so he has accepted my traditions. I have explained to his family what we do and I thank them on behalf of the DS's for the presents. I think there is enough time for them to be appreciative to other people when they have stopped believing in Father Christmas.

In fact when DS1 (9) mentioned last year that someone at school had said there was no such thing as Santa and Mums and Dads bought presents, I asked how he thought we could have afforded to buy all the presents he received and he accepted that. However he also accepts that other families do things differently - DSS was told people buy presents and send them to Santa to deliver. Parents tell Santa how they want things to work at their house

I love the magic of Christmas and seeing their faces when they realise Santa has been and left them a pile of presents - I still believe in Santa and I do the shopping

kellywright · 11/12/2009 01:11

Since i was a child,my stocking presents were from santa and so where all my other presents which would all be on the sofa. We would then open presents from friends and family that were under the tree. I say keep ur own traditions!x

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