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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DS dressed in a filly tutu?

33 replies

applepudding · 07/12/2009 21:22

DS aged 8 is a fairy in school play. I asked a couple of weeks ago what a boy fairy should wear - for example should I get him an elf costume as imv an elf is a male fairy.

The letter then came home saying 'blue top and trousers - optional tutu, fairy wings and wand'.

I have bought him the fairy wings and wand - deciding that with him blue sports top and trousers they look ironic.

However - I am concerned that dressing him in a frilly tutu will set him up for the other children to tease him. I understand that in a panto boys dress as girls and vice versa, but normally it is the bigger, well built boys that are dressed in female roles - and the two boys that are playing this role in DS school are the youngest and smallest boy in the class, and DS who is smallish and wears glasses.

The teachers have apparently said that putting these boys in the frilly tutus is funnny and will get a laugh - but I am concerned that they will be laughing at my DS, not with him - and I think this is irresponsible of the school.

Having sent in his costume with wings, they have apparently said to him that he still needs the tutu. I have written him a note to take in tomorrow - if I don't get to see the teacher - saying that I don't want him dressed as such.

Am I over-reacting here?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 07/12/2009 21:28

i think you are overreacting actually yes. i'd be happy for my ds to wear a tutu, and in fact he'd rather like it!

i would however point out to them that it says optional, and if you aren't happy with him wearing one then just say that to his teacher.

PurpleHeffalump · 07/12/2009 21:28

Have you asked him?

thisisyesterday · 07/12/2009 21:29

actually, i would ask him if he wants to wear it

RockBird · 07/12/2009 21:33

Y'see, this is why this anti ELC, pink thing makes me laugh. Because everyone wants their daughters dressed as pilots and cowboys but try to put a boy in fairy wings and the eyebrows are raised. Double standards, non?

Original poster
applepudding · 07/12/2009 21:36

Yes I asked him when the letter first came home. He doesn't want to wear a frilly skirt but he is the sort of boy who would not want to go against what the teachers have said to him.

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 07/12/2009 21:40

We did Midsummer Night's Dream last year and one of the boys was a fairy. He wore a bright pink tutu and trainers. It was hilarious and all in the spirit of things.

thisisyesterday · 07/12/2009 21:43

not me rockbird

i am anti-elc pink. well, i am anti stereotyping children full stop.
my ds's are welcome to wear pnik frilly tutus should they so desire!

PurpleHeffalump · 07/12/2009 21:49

If he doesn't want to wear it then that's simple - he shouldn't wear it. But I would change the letter to say that DS doesn't want to wear a tutu, not 'I don't want him dressed as such'. That makes it seem like you have a problem with the costume, irrespective of how your DS feels.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/12/2009 21:56

Yes, I agree with Purple

I wonder - OP do you have more general concerns that your DS is being teased or bullied ? Because if he is (my DS is 9 and is) then this would be a concern for me.

Even though I can't stand gender stereotyping ....

littleducks · 07/12/2009 22:00

I think that boys should be allowed to dress up as fairies/princesses etc. but i dont think they should be told to dress up as such to be laughed at

If he was younger i dont think it would be such an issue but at 8 i think he should be the one to decide, and if he decides he doesnt want to and thinks it might cause him to be teased then he shouldnt

NightShoe · 07/12/2009 22:04

It says optional. YABU.

curiositykilledhaskittens · 07/12/2009 22:09

He is 8, I reckon he's old enough to understand the joke and choose himself. If it was a 4 year old I might agree with you because if it is designed to make people laugh a 4 year old might not understand the joke and might be upset.

YABU

Agree with littleducks about telling boys to dress as fairies to be laughed at though. I would see if he wants to do it. I haven't seen you talk about how he feels about it only how you do.

RockBird · 07/12/2009 22:11

LOL, yeah I guessed that really, I was just being arsey

The key is, if he wants to wear it, as has been said. If not then send in a letter explaining and think no more about it.

curiositykilledhaskittens · 07/12/2009 22:11

sorry OP, missed where you said he didn't want to. Agree that you should change the letter to DS doesn't want to wear it and I don't think it is right to make children dress up to be laughed at.

Original poster
applepudding · 07/12/2009 22:15

Jamie - no I don't have any concerns that DS is being bullied - he is a happy boy and he tells me the other children like him. What I don't want though is any invitations for possible future teasing. Children can be mean to each other and there are a couple of not very nice boys in his class - and I think that the teachers are being naive not to have considered this. I think that dressing up as such at 8 is very different to being 5.

However - an hour after writing my letter to his teacher I can see that it is rather OTT so I shall tear it up and reconsider.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/12/2009 22:17

I agree with you, sadly, applepudding, (about the teachers being a bit naive)

islandofsodor · 07/12/2009 22:17

Its not dressing them up to be laughed at though is it, it is dressing as a (presumably funny) character in a play.

At age 8 they can understand this. Is he the only boy fairy or are there several of them.

GossipMonger · 07/12/2009 22:22

Surely it depends on the type of child he is.

My ds is 7 and very shy but he loves to make people laugh. I couldnt say whether he would want to wear a tutu without asking him but I think it would be no.

An outgoing boisterous child might love to wear a tutu but a shy more retiring child might not.

I think I would write

Dear Teacher

DS told me that he needs to wear a tutu for the school play. However he is uncomfortable with this and would prefer to just have wings a wand. I trust this will suffice.

Regards

lockets · 07/12/2009 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 07/12/2009 22:22

My 8 year old ds would absolutely love being a comedy fairy. But he is a "jock" and wouldn't be teased about it. I think it's a pretty risky thing for the school to do, unless they have selected the children very carefully indeed. On balance I don't think it's a good idea.

Original poster
applepudding · 07/12/2009 22:24

islandofsodor - the teachers have said that it will be funny for the two boys to wear tutu's, that this will get a laugh. There are two boys to be dressed like this - the other boy is the youngest and smallest child in the year, and DS is smallish and wears glasses, so I feel that both boys are slightly vulnerable anyway. If they were big, strapping lads I may feel differently.

I probably am worrying unnecessarily - that's why I posted - to try to get a balanced view.

OP posts:
MaggieNollaig · 07/12/2009 22:25

I agree with purple about then= note into school and with seeker. a boy could end up bringing a lot of teasing on himself....

Original poster
applepudding · 07/12/2009 22:27

lockets - as I put in my OP - the original letter said optional - but now I have sent his costume in without the tutu because he didnt want to wear it - the teacher has apparently said that he has to and is going to find him one.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 07/12/2009 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsEricBana · 07/12/2009 22:35

I would do letter worded exactly as Gossipmonger suggests - if you think he could be teased as result of wearing the tutu and he doesn't want to then at age 8 I think he should be allowed some say in the matter. It could well have been amusing but if he's not keen then not really fair on him.

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