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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain about the level of postnatal care I received

47 replies

mrsbean78 · 07/12/2009 00:36

Hi
I had my gorgeous baby son five days ago at a large consultant-led hospital. In general, I was very pleased with the care I received in labour. I was 14 days over when induced due to spontaneous rupture of membranes. The midwives were fantastic; despite monitoring etc was encouraged and able to take different positions for pushing etc. In the end, I had an instrumental delivery (rotational forceps) because baby was back to back on the final turn and couldn't descend which they spotted as my pushing was felt to be fine. So far, so good..

However, after delivery, I was violently ill and reacted badly to the spinal block which I'd had in case of ECS. I was wheeled back to the room totally out of it, and never saw my midwife again. Having delivered at 2.20, I was with dh and my new son in this room until 6.45, when I transferred to the postnatal ward and the real fun began! I was having tremendous trouble latching my baby on so I asked a midwife to help. I was told they were too busy and to ask again later, just to keep trying. I was in a lot of pain from the forceps and repeatedly asked for painkillers but was given only paracetamol although this meant I could barely sit and struggled with manouevring my baby into a position where he could latch on. Five times I reaquested help from a midwife re: breastfeeding and nothing happened. Eventually, at 3am the following morning (24 hours after delivery) I buzzed a midwife who came and 'sat' with me and absolutely mauled me, shoving my baby's head against my boob over and over and squeezing my nipple into his mouth. She continually shouted at me for 'not doing it right' because I couldn't put my whole aureola into his mouth (still can't, though he is latched beautifully now) and trying to prise his mouth open with her finger while asking me to keep the vice-like grip on my poor sore boob, saying 'I've told you not to let go, you keep letting go, we'll never get anywhere if you can't listen and your baby is starving!'. I was beside myself with crying, absolutely distraught.. at 5am I had to call her back as I was still struggling and my baby was screaming the place down. She asked 'what do you want us to do about it?" and then suggested formula. Luckily as she went to get the formula I managed to get him on.. it hurt like hell but I was determined not to give in so early, though the tears streamed down my face as I fed..

Next day, I couldn't get him on at all. He was absolutely SCREAMING, sounded as if he was in agony. I asked five different times for help with feeding and was clear I was struggling and that I had been unable to feed my baby. Fobbed off.. Finally, at about 4ish, I was sobbing so loudly and uncontrollably that the nicest Health Care Assistant in the world came and sat with me, stroked my hair, asked me what was wrong and showed me how to feed lying down. It occurred to me later that she was the first person who asked me what was wrong and what I was feeling .. and it all poured out in a hormonal mess, how I felt I was a failure and he was frustrating me and I was frustrating him.. she listened and nodded and empathized, such a simple but profound kindness. Hey presto, twenty minutes later my baby could feed!

Anyway, I was due to go home but the midwife "advised against it" as I had yet to "prove" I had established breastfeeding.. so, what, I was to stay in for "help" from the night staff?

I work in the NHS and yes, staff are busy and I appreciate that.. but it seems to me that with all the money that is spent on promoting breastfeeding and swish ad campaigns, it all amounts to nothing if there is no support in the event of problems. Also, human kindness costs nothing. The HCA who helped me spent less time with me than the night midwife who seemed hellbent on obliterating my confidence but in just ten or fifteen minutes, thankfully counterbalanced that. Baby is now feeding happily and we are content and in love with one another - but if I hadn't that help? It could have caused all sorts of problems..

I am thinking of sending the HCA a bunch of flowers to thank her! And writing to her manager to compliment her.. but should I complain about the midwife staff too?

OP posts:
colditz · 07/12/2009 00:39

yes you should complain. The midwife sounds horrible.

frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 07/12/2009 00:42

Yes. Complain.

I feel so on your behalf reading that.

InMyLittleHead · 07/12/2009 00:45

Definitely complain about the midwife. Do you know her name? Write to the complaints people, Medical Director AND Chief Executive, complaining in the strongest possible terms about the midwife's behaviour and the general standard of care on the ward, but commending the HCA.

If I was in that situation I would have punched her in the face, no exaggeration. Poor you.

Fruitysunshine · 07/12/2009 00:54

Yes you should complain. This exact thing happened to me 17 years ago with trying to BF my son when he was born. She manhandled me and my son in such a way that I felt humiliated and invaded and never again tried to BF any of my children.

I wish I had complained but I was just 20 and very naive about how things worked in hospitals and that whole area!

Fruitysunshine · 07/12/2009 00:56

Me again - regardless of the BF issue you should still flag up the issue of nobody being able to help you through the night.

With my third I had CS and my anaesthetic had not even worn off and I buzzed for help through night as DD was crying and I could not get to her. The attitude I received from the MW when she eventually got to my room made me feel as if I had done something wrong to buzz her!

InMyLittleHead · 07/12/2009 01:03

mrsbean78 actually, never mind about complaining. Would you like me to just go round and smack her one?

pipholder · 07/12/2009 01:21

i could have written your original post I went through pretty much the same 7 weeks ago with the birth of my son.
I too work in the NHS and am aware of the staffing constraints and high stress levels(blardy blah) but this was my first baby and I never dreamt I wouldn't receive support breastfeeding.
My Trust has a consultant midwife and I am currently trying to summon up the bollocks to write to her with my experience and suggestions.
I'm feeding him fine now thankfully - I hope you aren't too traumatised by this and are enjoying your LO.

newkiwi · 07/12/2009 05:47

mrsbean. I'm almost in tears reading your post. Yes, complain. And write to your MP. It drives me nuts that there is so much pressure to breastfeed, but there doesn't seem to be any support.

I was lucky- here in NZ I had the chance to see a lactation consultant who changed my experience from agony to mildly painful in 30 mins. I would not have stuck with it otherwise and I'm very grateful. Personally, I think everyone should see a consultant before they leave hospital. If breastfeeding really is so much better for babies long term health then the cost of this will be save a thousand times over.

racmac · 07/12/2009 06:37

Yes complain, complain and complain some more. That was disgraceful treatment - i wish Id complained after the crap treatment i had 9yrs ago.

Hopefully no one else will go through the same awful treatment

racmac · 07/12/2009 06:38

and oh congratulations

Elfytigga · 07/12/2009 06:48

Do it, if you don't nothing will change. I wrote a 9 page letter of complaint about my experience and they've changed some of the practices now.

I suggest you copy in the Chief Executive as well though - funny how quickly things get replied to when you do that.

IfYouDon'tTellThemTheyWon'tDoAnythingTiggaxx

sarah293 · 07/12/2009 07:11

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Message withdrawn

RockBird · 07/12/2009 07:13

I could have written your post as well except DD was being monitored for low blood sugar and she was whisked off to SCBU. Apart from the foul midwife on the ward I was also shouted at several times by one of the wonderful caring staff in SCBU in front of about 6 other parents and my mother. I never did establish bf and I never complained either because I thought it was my fault.

So yes, you should definitely complain. And congratulations

gingernutlover · 07/12/2009 08:14

please do complain, I never did and it took me a long time to realise it was not me who had been in the wrong. Ha dterrible time postnatally, help and compassion was non existant on our post natal ward.

Complain for yourself and for your baby and for all the other new mums, past, present and furutre who seem to have these expereinces.

pippa251 · 07/12/2009 08:40

You have to complain as this is not the norm and I had the opposite experience.

Your midwives should have been patent regarding of the time of the day you ask for help.

Please don't let this bad experience ruin your first couple of weeks with your DC. It may also help you to get closure on the negative experience of your care if you complain as you'll feel you've done something.

Congratulations and also well done for persevering with Bfeeding you sound like you're a fab mum already!

PrincessToadstool · 07/12/2009 08:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JemL · 07/12/2009 08:47

PLease, please complain. Yes, they are busy - working on a postnatal ward, where supporting feeding is part and parcel of the job, not an optional extra.

And definitely mention the wonderful HCA. I had DS2 by c-section 8 weeks ago, the hca who looked after me in the day in recovery was absolutely fantastic, when she went home and a midwife took over it went to pot...and the midwife was only working the recovery room, not splitting her time between there and deliveries, for example. At one point she went off for a meeting and no-pne checked on me for several hours, she was late with my pain relief and I didn't get my meal until 2 hours after everyone else - I wrote to the hospital to express my appreciation of the hca, i'm glad i had a whole day of her care!

Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

Skegness · 07/12/2009 08:48

Congratulations.

Agree with the others- please complain. Shocking treatment.

liath · 07/12/2009 08:49

Complain, definitley complain - that is outrageous treatment. Bloody well done for managing to establish breastfeeding after all that.

Harebelle · 07/12/2009 08:55

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ImSoNotTelling · 07/12/2009 09:05

Definitely complain. I never cease to be amazed at how SHIT and BARELY EXISTENT BF support is on post-natal wards. In teh run up to the birth, with midwife appts and NHS ante-natal classes it's all BF this and BF that and how important blah. Then after you actually have the baby no-one has the time (or seems to have the inclination) to help women actually DO it. It's such a dreadful shame, and so upsetting for the mothers.

nickytwotimes · 07/12/2009 09:14

Complain.
That is horrendous treatment for a vulnerable new mother and baby to receive.
No wonder s many mums struggle to bf.
Good on you for making it, and so glad you had a nice HCA.
I was lucky and had a generally very good experience in hispital. It was a lovely HCA who sat with me for hours getting ds to latch on too.
Unfortuntely, I know a lot of people who have had awful experiences like you.

oldwoman · 07/12/2009 09:25

Many many people have an almost identical experience. The levels of postnatal care in the UK are absolutely terrible (I have given birth at 2 different hospitals and what you have described was the norm in both).

By all means complain, you have been treated badly. However, I don't know how we can change this issue as I believe that the basic problem is understaffing.

Rindercella · 07/12/2009 09:35

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your son

To answer your OP, yes, I would complain. I rather wish I had about a specific midwife when DD was born just over 2 years ago. After a very easy labour & birth I had problems getting DD to latch on. One of the midwives I saw pretty much manhandled both DD and I in the way you describe above. She grabbed the back of poor little DD's head in a vice-like grip, grabbed my boob in an equally vice-like grip and tried to force the two together All the while telling me that I had been starving my baby. She did this several times over the course of her shift. Thank God there were other HCPs available who both knew what they were doing and cared enough to show some compassion.

You should complain about this woman and about the lack of care you received on the ward.

drinkystinkyuletidegubbins · 07/12/2009 09:38

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Please complain about your awful midwife - the only way services will improve is if people who suffer speak out and complain. FWIW, I had a similar shocker on the postnatal ward after giving birth to DS1 and complained - there was a review and the relevant midwives were retrained so complaints sometimes do have an effect.