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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for thinking this baby shower invite is tacky...

69 replies

AliGrylls · 06/12/2009 18:39

Unfortunately, my friend asked me ages ago whether I would go to her baby shower so I now feel obliged to pitch.

However, I have just read the invite and on it states: there will be party games; there is a gift list attached; please bring anything you would like to eat or drink with you.

Is this normal protocol for a baby shower or am I being unreasonable for thinking it sounds a bit tacky. If it is I will clench my teeth and bear it but it is sooooo not my cup of tea.

OP posts:

YanknChristmasCrackers · 06/12/2009 19:58

expat, I know what you mean. My mom is forever telling me about all these bridal showers, baby showers, etc that she goes to and it seems like it's getting worse as far as the grabbiness. I didn't like it much when I was there, so have been glad it's not so entrenched here.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 19:59

Never been to a housewarming party where you were handed a gift list and expected to lay on your own food!

Pragmatic, my arse.

Just say 'no' to this tacky trend coming across here.

And the party 'games'. Blech!

Russian roulette is more fun!

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 20:00

I've endured more than my share of bridal/baby showers, Yank.

I was glad to see the back of them, tbh!

ImSoNotTelling · 06/12/2009 20:00

ROFL misread zanzibar's post as advice to give pg friend "a promise not to keep in touch"

YanknChristmasCrackers · 06/12/2009 20:02

the party games sound unbelievably bad. My mom seems to think they are really funny, thank goodness she can't see me making the face over the phone! Last one she was going on about was something like smearing different types of chocolate bars in nappies to look like poo, and you had to guess what type it was...

Russian roulette doesn't sound too bad compared to that...

westvan · 06/12/2009 20:02

Gift lists (they are really just a suggestion) are quite normal for baby and bridal showers in N. America but being asked to bring your own food certainly isn't. Nor is hosting your own shower. It's traditionally done by a friend, mother or what have you.

AMerryScot · 06/12/2009 20:03

Mine wasn't like that, Expat.

It was simply a girls only afternoon party (men were ordered to go to the pub for the duration).

I was very gracious in receipt of the gifts, none of which were more than £10. I didn't have a list, though. I received mostly 'last minute' things - babygrows, bibs, dummies, little toys, and all the things from the 'memory game'. I was really grateful and touched for each and every one of them. I still have the bath toys and DS is about to turn 18!

I don't particularly like being the centre of attention, but given that my boss threw the party, all the guests were people we all worked with. It felt more like a works party than something centred on one person.

CybilLiberty · 06/12/2009 20:04

expat I agree with you

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 20:04

OMG, Yank!

And you're generally expected to remain sober for the duration of these events there.

It's agonising.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 20:06

Oh, and often enough to mother-to-be is supposed to open all the gifts whilst there and oh and ah over them.

Also at children's birthday parties and bridal showers.

Cringe!

YanknChristmasCrackers · 06/12/2009 20:07

expat, I got married (no bridal shower) and moved over here age 26, before most of my friends/relatives got married and had babies, so I've been fortunate enough to miss LOADS of them.

AMerryScot · 06/12/2009 20:07

I must admit, Yank, that I didn't have to endure the really bad games - no tasting of formula milk or jarred baby food.

I think guests had to guess my girth, which all experienced moms know to be 40". We also had a memory game where lots of baby items were hidden under a blanket and you had 20 seconds to memorise the items.

Folks, it is meant to be fun! Brits are great at making fun - gosh, I was at a very posh dinner last night and everyone was chucking bread rolls. Americans would be shocked at that.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 20:15

I got married over here, Yank. Eloped so no showers.

And got all these people, 'OMG, you mean you got married and no engagement ring?!'

Um, yeah.

It's possible.

scottishmummy · 06/12/2009 20:16

i think baby showers are gauche.

AMerryScot · 06/12/2009 20:26

I grew up in Scotland and married there. In those days, back in the 80s, we didn't have hen nights.

What we had was a 'showing of the presents', on a Sunday afternoon, for female gift givers.

What this involved was inviting female guests to an open house (ie drop in any time between 2 and 4). They would be offered tea and sandwiches (with crusts cut off) and cakes, from tiered plates. Every 20 minutes or so, the bride would do a tour for the guests, into various bedrooms where the presents were laid out. The bride would recite off who the gifts came from. It meant that you had to have your presnts delivered before the Sunday before the wedding.

It really isn't any different from a bridal shower, or at least bridal shower minus the silly games.

JoInScotland · 06/12/2009 20:51

Another American expat here, in Scotland. A baby shower doesn't have to involve over-the-top greediness! I suppose it depends on the personalities involved.

I know most of the Japanese community where I live (because it's not that big, and I studied Japanese in school) and when one of my friends was about 7 months pregnant, and preparing to go back to Japan to have her baby, we held a baby shower for her. It's not a Japanese custom, so she was completely surprised. Most people bought an outfit for the baby, or a nice toy or book - nothing too expensive or difficult to pack. I like to sew, so I made her baby a reversible quilt with patchwork on one side and I-spy fabric squares on the other.

She was completely overwhelmed that we had gone to all that trouble, and was very impressed and touched by the homemade quilt. We had regular Japanese food for lunch since it was early afternoon, and cups of tea and that was it. It was super simple, we got to give her gifts for her baby before she left, and she was very touched. Obviously, she hadn't asked for anything, so no greediness was involved.

American traditions are not necessarily "grabby, greedy, cynical or OTT". Just because some Americans behave in that manner doesn't mean that the traditions themselves are bad. Yes, I'm happy to have dual citizenship, and we celebrate American and British traditions in our family..... but we choose to celebrate all of our traditions in a non-materialistic way.

macdoodle · 06/12/2009 20:58

When I was pregnant with DD2, my work threw me a surprise "shower", I guess it was more a farewell/goodluck, it was extremely kind and thoughtful, they all brought a plate food/cake/drinks, and a small gift, I had lots of baby blankets

I thought it was very kind, but never ever something I would have arranged or asked for, or even the kind of thing my mates would do!

I was the first pregnant woman there in oooh maybe 20 years so I guess a big deal

loobylu3 · 06/12/2009 21:11

It is v tacky to attach a gift list and even more tacky to ask people to provide all their own food and drink!
If you are hosting a party/ event, you should expect to provide (most of) the food and drink.
If she is a good friend and you want to go, I would try to have a word with her nicely!

pigletmania · 06/12/2009 21:38

I dont agree with them, but if you are expecting gifts e.g. a gift registry have the decency to provide food and drink . If i were you i would not go and say thta you have other arrangements. Or if you do ignore the gift registry and bring your own.

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