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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that other drivers might offer a wave of thanks or give some acknowledgement?

35 replies

Earlybird · 06/12/2009 03:28

Yes, it's a small thing, but a modicum of civility to others when driving seems sensible. I am amazed at how many people simply pull out - when I have stopped to let them in, or made room for them to turn - without waving or acknowledging the 'favour' in any way.

I end up irritated that I have 'helped' a rude twit, instead of thinking I've made a small gesture that might have helped someone.

It is now so common that I am reconsidering being considerate - why bother? I'm in a hurry too.....

OP posts:

squashimodo · 06/12/2009 03:38

I would thank you.

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 03:43

I always wave thanks. My mum did too, when I was growing up. I just thought she knew everybody

gallusbesom · 06/12/2009 07:01

Drives me insane. On the stretch of road up to my mums you sometimes have to stop up to 5 times because of the the parking and I have noticed in the last few years the frequency of the 'thank you wave' has decreased.

girlsyearapart · 06/12/2009 07:12

haha me too bof and now when I wave my dd asks me 'Mummy who that?' every time.

Irritates me too- especially people who give you hardly any option by pulling their car out so far you have to let them go and then still not say thankyou. Grr.

DecorHate · 06/12/2009 07:29

I suppose it does depend on where you are driving. Round here people do tend to wave/flash headlights. I tend to wave but if I am doing a right turn in the dark I'm sure the other driver may not see that I have waved!

I think it is fine go expect some acknowledgement if you have right of way and let someone else pull out. But once I had right of way (yield sign coming the other way) and a woman started verbally abusing me because I hadn't thanked her for obeying the sign

SCargot · 06/12/2009 07:32

oh fgs life get a

skidoodle · 06/12/2009 07:35

It is a shame if people don't ackowledge considerate driving, and I think little waves/flashes of hazeard lights can make the road seem that little bit more human, which is good for everyone's safety.

However the main job of a driver is not to be thanking other drivers, but to be driving attentively. It may be that they are not too experienced, or have other distractions that mean that they can't safely signal thanks.

I think yab a bit u to be so put out by this. It is not rude not to signal thanks. In fact it is not advised that you do so, and certainly not something to do during a driving test. I disagree with this for the reason mentioned above but I think the roads are nicer and safer when we all try to cut one another some slack.

That means not using other people's supposed rudeness as an excuse for being an obnoxious driver. Really you are doing no more than you should. Why you need such displays of gratitude to stop you getting angry is beyond me.

Elfytigga · 06/12/2009 07:49

I think people are becomming more self absorbed as time goes on.

I loudly say you're welcome if I've let somebody passed with a trollet etc. in the supermarket.

MissMannersTiggaxx

mamasmissionimpossible · 06/12/2009 07:54

YANBU, I agree with you op, drivers do often forget to say thanks around here and I find it very rude. I have tried to 'cut them some slack' but my patience is wearing thin, especially when I feel I have gone out of my way to move out of the way.

Amaris · 06/12/2009 08:16

Winds me up too. I always do that thing of having a conversation with myself instead or just saying that's okay mate, it's a pleasure. Probably makes me sound like a mad old bat (to DD in the back) but it makes me feel better!

Original poster

Earlybird · 06/12/2009 12:01

A friend believes the lack of thanks is largely generational, and that younger drivers generally are more rude. He says they have the expectation they'll be let in, and tend not to acknowledge the favour nearly as much as older drivers who (perhaps) value (and display) courtesy/civility.

OP posts:

skidoodle · 06/12/2009 12:19

Or maybe younger drivers have been taught not to signal thanks, or perhaps they are less confident behind the wheel and concentrating on driving rather than waving.

I have noticed that it tends to be people who spend more time on the road who are very good at these kinds of signals - taxi drivers, truck drivers, bus drivers.

MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 12:20

this is not nearly as annoying as teenagers straggling across the road through moving traffic, I nearly hit one yesterday

it is like they are all playing a game of half hearted chicken, am extremely tempted to not brake next time

borderslass · 06/12/2009 12:24

one of my pet hates my daughter who is learning to drive really hates it an all the other thing is if you let one car out you can get stuck as people take the piss.

mummyflood · 06/12/2009 12:30

Agree with OP. But I have noticed a new phenomenon recently. I drive 'cautiously', I think, and am more likely to give way than to have the confidence to pull out/carry on. I have noticed that several drivers actually slow down when approaching me and give me funny looks, as though to say 'you didn't need to wait for me, so I wil make you wait now'. Haven't noticed an age or gender difference either. DH has noticed this too when he is driving, so don't know whether it is just in our area.

fembear · 06/12/2009 12:33

Is this a regional thing? - here in the Midlands we are usually good at being polite and wave-y to each other.
If anything, I have an opposite rant: people are usually so busy being nice to drivers out of their front window (eg in a queue, leave a gap so that someone can turn right across them) that they forget about people out of their back window (that's me, wanting to turn left but I can't because the guy in front won't budge up!)

fembear · 06/12/2009 12:36

I'm guiulty of that one, mummyflood. It irritates me when I give someone a chance and they don't take. I just go FFS and move on.
Use it or lose it!

Pogleswood · 06/12/2009 12:38

This annoys me too(but I am a grumpy old woman so it is just one thing of many...)
I don't think you need to be particularly confident or experienced to flick a hand up to acknowledge a favour though - these are situations where people are going slowly anyway,aren't they?

They may be like DH though,who says thanks by facial twitches invisible to me sitting next to him and leading to conversations along the lines of "they let you in...yes?..you didn't say thanks..yes I did..."
Am terrible nag and control freak as well as being grumpy

CastleDouglas · 06/12/2009 13:08

I find the lack of thanks annoying, but diffuse the anger I feel by loudly saying: "You're welcome mate, hope your dick rots off." or something similar. Before attempting this, ensure window is wound up, there speaks the voice of experience

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/12/2009 13:20

I must admit, if someone stops needlessly to let me past, when there was perfectly enough space for BOTH of us to drive past each other, then I really am reluctant to thank them. Even though they have been considerate (cautious, mummyflood?!) and waited, I can't help but think "but you didn't need to wait, you silly twit therefore you don't need thanks from me."

warthog · 06/12/2009 13:25

i hate it when people don't say thanks. doesn't take much, but that small interaction makes all the difference.

the people on here saying 'get a life' are probably the rude ones.

ilovejonty · 06/12/2009 13:26

I'm with you OP, but rise above it - you have the moral high ground

fembear · 06/12/2009 13:37

Answer me this one, MN Jury.
If there is a big queue and someone is kind enough to let me in do I then
a) spread the love and let others in, or
b) think it's unkind to the nice guy behind me to push him even further back in the queue, so not let anyone else in.

Which is the nice/polite thing to do?

GoddessRidingSantasSleigh · 06/12/2009 13:38

i'm with curly i thought it was just me... i don't know why i feel like that though, i think its because THEY DIDN'T NEED TO STOP!

but i do like to thank people when they do let me out, i felt really bad yesterday because a lady waited at the end of a long road for me to come down and i was so angry about an arguement i had had with dp that was running over and over in my head that i forgot to thank her, i felt bad as soon as i realised she must of thought i was rude but i was just distracted so 'sorry nice lady'

Alambil · 06/12/2009 13:38

What drives me more nuts is the flashing of lights IN THE DARK... no need to blind me, you twat!! Just DIP the lights off and back on... far kinder to my eyes!

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