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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is WAY beyond nosey.

50 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 05/12/2009 15:14

The next door neighbours drive us demented having to know every tiny detail of our lives, etc. They interfere and so I made it perfectly obvious this was not ok and they stopped peering in the window and hasseling us all the time. Lately they have started it up again and it really annoys me.

But this surpasses all other experiences of nosiness

I've been in hospital due to bump having problems so DH is looking after me and I'm not going out much as I need to try and chill out and I'm going back into hospital on Monday and then being transfered to another one.

This morning the midwives came round to check baby's heartbeat. When they arrived I was brushing my teeth so they sat in the living room. Then I came down and old man next door who I will call 'Bill', comes out of his house and walks past our front wall staring into the house along the way. I looked the other way as I was answering questions etc from midwives. Then they (a midwife and a student midwife) and DH sort of gethered around me on the chair and listened for heartbeat.

At this point, Bill walks back across the wall, stops half way and stares straight in to my front room window! We have a roller blind so he was all of two meters away and staring straight in at my bare, stretch marked tummy!! Then he walked to our gate way to get a better view and stood there staring in!

The midwife said 'do you have family waiting for us to leave'? We explained that he was just a nosey neighbour who finds our life incredibly interesting and stares in the window all the time. She said 'oh, he walked past and stared in when you were upstairs. We thought he was waiting for news'.

He doesn't know why the midwives are coming round which will be killing him and he will be desperate to spot us coming in or out of the house so that he can ask.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened- he's leaned over the wall to shout in to DS and I who were sat eating toast, giggling together at something or other and had the window open. I was wearing skimpy PJs and DS was in a babygro at the time so that was weird.

One time I went out and he shouted 'I could see your DH feeding your DS the other day and he has a tattoo on his back, I couldn't quite make out what it says... what does it say?'

What has it got to do with him?

As he was looking in at the gate today, I pulled the blind down and I actually felt rude!! Then I thought, what the hell do I feel bad about? He's totally invading our privacy when we're going through a horrific time and have midwives round for something serious!

Is anyone else gobsmacked by his behaviour? He lives with his wife and he's not even lost his marbles in his old age or anything. He's just the rudest person I've ever come across and the list of ridiculous things he does just grows and grows and grows.

OP posts:
Wanderinginawinterwonderland · 05/12/2009 15:20

Yanbu! That is weird, it would give me the creeps tbh.

TheCrackFox · 05/12/2009 15:23

YANBU.
I would have to move.

GroundHoHoHogs · 05/12/2009 15:23

Outrageous!

Pull the blinds down, doors shut and MYOB if he has the cheek to ask you anything.

Are your windows bare except for the blinds? Have you considered net curtains? I know they are not enirely elegant, but it stops this kind of intrusion without cutting down too much light coming into your room.

If you want to soften it, tell him 'We are very private people'

Don't feel bad about any of this, you have done nothing wrong.

Hope you are OK otherwise, fingers crossed for you!

InMyLittleHead · 05/12/2009 15:33

I know this isn't very 'good citizen' but can't you say to him, 'Seriously, fuck off you are driving us mad. We don't appreciate you hanging round the house looking in the windows and if you continue doing it we will call the police.'

Snowtiger · 05/12/2009 15:35

That is very weird, and horrible. Get net curtains!!

LastTrainToNowhere · 05/12/2009 15:36

Weird beyond belief!! Is he this way with everyone or does he have an obsession with your family only? I mean, does he peek into his other neighbour's window?

Cut him off completely. Don't worry about looking rude, you really need to nip this behaviour in the bud. Don't give him any information at all. If he asks why the midwives have come, say it's a private matter and you don't want to discuss it. If he looks into your window, pointedly shut the curtains. It may not curb his outlandish behaviour, but it will mean his curiosity is not being satisfied iyswim?

RockBird · 05/12/2009 15:37

What's his wife like? Is she a nutter as well or is it possible to have a quiet word and get her to tell him to fuck back off?

SoupDragon · 05/12/2009 15:38

Pretty much what inmylittlehead said. Leave the blinds and tell him to f*ck off next time you catch him staring.

Flightattendant · 05/12/2009 15:39

Can you obtain some sort of injunction?

blinks · 05/12/2009 15:41

you could say it in a more tactful way than that or write him a wee note and pop it through his door...

do you know any of the other neighbours?

SoupDragon · 05/12/2009 15:44

I think they tried being tactful last time.

differentID · 05/12/2009 15:47

Could you speak to a PCSO about it? Tell them it's distressing you a bit, and you don't know what to do as it's upsetting feeling like your being watched all the time.

blondiep14 · 05/12/2009 15:49

Good lord. That's outrageous!
We have an open plan kitchen/living room so all & sundry look thru the kitchen window to our living room which really bugs me, esp when I was feeding DS.
We now have wooden blinds so I can tilt the slats so I don't have to sit in darkness but people can't really see in.
In my case it was mostly family peering in as they waited for me to answer the door and a few well placed comments also helped.
Do you have any local PSCOs or similar you could speak to? It's not acceptable for neighbours to behave like that.

HughRinal · 05/12/2009 15:55

That is just awful, I would do something about more private window coverings and see what happens. A friend has some excellent made to measure frosted film, you can have any kind of die cut pattern in it.
Failing that write Fook off on your roller blind so when he stares in you can pull it down...

Highlander · 05/12/2009 16:03

Quote from the OP:

"and old man next door who I will call 'Bill'"

Inappropriate behaviour from elderly people suggests dementia (my FIL has dementia so know a bit about behaviour changes in the early stages).

I would speak to your HV/midwife with the man's full name. They may know his GP, or may be able to involve social services. While the police may be able to enforce the law, it's unlikely to lead to support for your neighbour.

I say all this, understanding that what you are going through is awful.

biggirlsdontcry · 05/12/2009 16:15

hi op i remember your other threads about this nosey neighbour , i don't know how you put up with them tbh , is there any way your dh could have a word with them to back off ,i think at this stage they need to be told out straight to mind their own business . i hope everything is ok with your new baby . try not let them stress you out x

bigchris · 05/12/2009 16:19

I dont get why you dont get net curtains ?

Arsed · 05/12/2009 16:20

'Seriously, fuck off you are driving us mad. We don't appreciate you hanging round the house looking in the windows and if you continue doing it we will call the police.'

^^ that is all you need to say

girlsyearapart · 05/12/2009 16:21

yanbu

but what does the tattoo say??

MmeLindt · 05/12/2009 16:24

Ikea used to do sticky on frosting, perhaps you could put that on the bottom half of the window if you don't like the look of net curtains.

Saying that, why should you be forced to put window coverings up that you don't want or need just because he is being so nosy.

Phone your local police station and ask advice about it.

edam · 05/12/2009 16:25

Agree you need to get net curtains as well as telling him to fuck right off. (Never mind snobbery, think they are essential in your case.) And probably alert his doctor in case it is dementia.

DaftApeth · 05/12/2009 16:30

I'd keep the blinds closed for a while. This might get him out of the habit of looking in.

Here is some of the frosted film another poster mentioned.

I haven't read any other threads from you, so don't know whether you have actually spoken to him and told him to stop looking through your windows, or not.

If you have done this, it might be worth reporting him as a peeping tom.

SixtyFootDoll · 05/12/2009 16:34

Id get vertical or venetian blinds
Police wont be able to do much.
Can you plant a hedge or make your fence higher?

SixtyFootDoll · 05/12/2009 16:35

I have a fairly nosey neighbour
If he looks in I stick my fingers up at him.
If he doesnt like it, dont stare at me in my OWN house!

MmeLindt · 05/12/2009 16:43

Ikea frosted film

It is a bit fiddly to apply but looks good.

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