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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is WAY beyond nosey.

50 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 05/12/2009 15:14

The next door neighbours drive us demented having to know every tiny detail of our lives, etc. They interfere and so I made it perfectly obvious this was not ok and they stopped peering in the window and hasseling us all the time. Lately they have started it up again and it really annoys me.

But this surpasses all other experiences of nosiness

I've been in hospital due to bump having problems so DH is looking after me and I'm not going out much as I need to try and chill out and I'm going back into hospital on Monday and then being transfered to another one.

This morning the midwives came round to check baby's heartbeat. When they arrived I was brushing my teeth so they sat in the living room. Then I came down and old man next door who I will call 'Bill', comes out of his house and walks past our front wall staring into the house along the way. I looked the other way as I was answering questions etc from midwives. Then they (a midwife and a student midwife) and DH sort of gethered around me on the chair and listened for heartbeat.

At this point, Bill walks back across the wall, stops half way and stares straight in to my front room window! We have a roller blind so he was all of two meters away and staring straight in at my bare, stretch marked tummy!! Then he walked to our gate way to get a better view and stood there staring in!

The midwife said 'do you have family waiting for us to leave'? We explained that he was just a nosey neighbour who finds our life incredibly interesting and stares in the window all the time. She said 'oh, he walked past and stared in when you were upstairs. We thought he was waiting for news'.

He doesn't know why the midwives are coming round which will be killing him and he will be desperate to spot us coming in or out of the house so that he can ask.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened- he's leaned over the wall to shout in to DS and I who were sat eating toast, giggling together at something or other and had the window open. I was wearing skimpy PJs and DS was in a babygro at the time so that was weird.

One time I went out and he shouted 'I could see your DH feeding your DS the other day and he has a tattoo on his back, I couldn't quite make out what it says... what does it say?'

What has it got to do with him?

As he was looking in at the gate today, I pulled the blind down and I actually felt rude!! Then I thought, what the hell do I feel bad about? He's totally invading our privacy when we're going through a horrific time and have midwives round for something serious!

Is anyone else gobsmacked by his behaviour? He lives with his wife and he's not even lost his marbles in his old age or anything. He's just the rudest person I've ever come across and the list of ridiculous things he does just grows and grows and grows.

OP posts:

LIZS · 05/12/2009 16:45

Apparently our next door neighbour was liable to do this, one of his fmaily apologised one day, worried he'd scare the dc, explaining he ahd dementia. Soon afterwards he went into a home. Do they have any family who visit to whom you could mention it ?

Ripeberry · 05/12/2009 16:45

Why don't you get some net curtains? He will have trouble looking in then. You can stand on the inside and give him the fingers and all sorts
You have seriously weird neighbours. I would be shouting at them by now.

Dirtgirl · 05/12/2009 16:58

The tattoo says 'Fuck off and mind your own business'.

I'd be putting frosted windows in, or nets even though I hate them.

Poor you.

pigletmania · 05/12/2009 17:09

Oh my goodness poor you, keep the blinds down and have very little to do with them.

lilacclaire · 05/12/2009 17:13

Agree with Highlander.

Totally feel your pain though!

girlsyearapart · 05/12/2009 19:13

Do you have one too then dirtgirl?

We have same here people staring in the whole time we just stare back.

shivster1980 · 05/12/2009 19:19

YANBU!!

borderslass · 05/12/2009 19:20

We've got one like that we used to be friends with them but she would just walk in without knocking, so we started locking the door so she would jump the fence and come in the back door. we actually put a 6 foot fence up and in the middle of it going up she came and stood in our garden because she couldn't see what the kids where doing.

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 05/12/2009 19:23

Yexs, this level of intrusiveness needs reporting, it's not acceptable behaviour. OK you don't need a SWAT team to come round but HV or noddyplods (PCSO) might be able to have a kind word and look into the situation so if the neighbour is developing dementia or another mental health problem he gets help and if he's just an arse he gets an official warning (though TBH mental health issue more likely really).

Original poster

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 05/12/2009 21:39

They are now totally blanking and not speaking to me when I go out- all because I closed the blinds when he was looking. Result. As far as I'm concerned anyway.

Well there's lots of questions since I was last on so to answer a few..

He's been like this all of his life, all of the neighbours hate it and most of them have lived her a very long time. He's lived here a LONG time himself, so he sees it as his street and he has the right to sort of patrol it, if you will. When we moved in, the other side (who are utter arseholes- I've been on about them and their drugs and loud music on here before) said that 'Bill' would be looking in our windows, wanting to know everything in our lives and counting our shopping bags.

Sure enough, he started to count our shopping bags and comment on how much shopping we did, etc.

His wife is down to earth and she generally says 'oh come on' when he's moaning on at us for something like trying to convince me it's ok for his dog to shit outside my house (which I then walk through carrying an 18mo and with my huge bump). She sort of gets him away. But she is also very nosey.

If I stare back at him, he waves and shouts to me to open the window so he can talk- so that didn't work

Really don't want nets Particularly not for this reason as feel like 'why should I have to get them when he could mind his own sodding business'. We are saving up to get vertical blinds throughout the house so that should reduce the problem a little.

He's going to have a field day staring in when I'm breastfeeding with my giant knockers

Border- the fence story was so outrageous I giggled when I read it. What a nutter.

Can't believe he's got the cheek to be all funny with me and make a point of turning his back on me when I said hello coming out of the house just because I object to him looking in when midwife is doppler-ing my fat belly! Grrr he annoys me so much.

OP posts:

nellie12 · 05/12/2009 21:49

has anyone done the same back to him?

Go on I dare your dh (not you obviously at the mo) to stare in when they ar eating ohh for at least 5min - 10 if he can stand the excitement.

Yanbu

Original poster

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 05/12/2009 21:54

DH thought it was me being demented but now he's noticed and today was the last straw, he was really umm... peeved (tried to say it nicely)

Especially as we're both worried sick about the baby and he has absolutely nothing else to worry about other than why there's nurses in our house IYKWIM. Our tempers are frayed as it is.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 05/12/2009 22:03

i would put nets up tbh.
in fact, i can post you some nets if you want that we took down when we moved here

i do understand that you feel you shouldn't have to put them up, but at the end of the day he is always going to be nosy, and it's worth putting something up just so that you don't have to worry about it any more

Brunettelady · 05/12/2009 22:25

Do Nellies idea! Get your DH and anyone else you can, all press your noses right up against his window every day (ok until you've had enough) until he has had enough, then you can yell at him about how does it feel.

This would seriously get on my tits!!!! In fact he is making me angry on your behalf.

Good luck with the baby though.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 05/12/2009 22:45

How old is this guy? I have to say, it does sort of sound a bit dementia like behaviour.(my father had alzheimers and it does sound like something he would have done right at the begning) No one, even the nosiest of neighbours would think its appropriate to blatantly stare whilst a woman is being examined by her midwife.

I would have a word with his wife if I were you.

Awful for you though - i hope everything works out for you all xx

Original poster

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 05/12/2009 22:49

He's in his 60s but I've got to be completely honest and say I don't think it's dementia, I think it's genuine nosiness and an inflated sense of self importance. As I say, he's annoyed the rest of the street with it for years and years.

My old next door neighbour used to do this and it turned out he had a brain tumour and he died within 3 weeks of finding out so I do understand that it can be the case.

But I honestly don't think it's that as he also has such an attitude and thinks he's just the most important person in the world.

OP posts:

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 05/12/2009 22:56

oh, in that case, you need to do what someone did to me - when i was working from home i had my computor in the study upstairs, we are in an end terrace house but it overlooks loads of back gardens and you can see into peoples houses.

I would often stare out of the window, either sat staring into space or stood at the window - i was just staring out of the window i honestly wasn't snooping on people. I mean, once i had clocked what was in their gardens and conservatories thas all i needed to know . Anyway, one night i was staring out the window and noticed the people opposite, i think they were decorating the nursery - they must have thought i was snooping, cos he flashed a moonie at me!!! I was mortified but he had a nice arse so i just laughed and waved Not long after we moved the computor downstairs, but not for that reason i have to say.

The weird thing is, we started going to church after DD born and this guy would always smile and say hello - i didnt actually recognise him, i had only seen his backside before!! Now DD is in their DDs class at school - the mum always talks to me, and invited my DD to her DDs party - weird, all the time i'm thinking, but you think im a snooper and ive seen your husbands arse - its all very strange

Brunettelady · 05/12/2009 22:59

ijustwantto... ha ha ha!!

WingedVictory · 06/12/2009 00:58

There was a thread a while ago, about looking in at people's houses, and I confessed that I did, but I want to stress that that is only a glance, and I do not in any way condone thesort of behaviour you are describing!

for the earlier flippancy. OP, YANBU!

Original poster

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 06/12/2009 10:05

I think that could have been my thread too, Winged, it just keeps getting worse.

OP posts:

WingedVictory · 06/12/2009 16:41

Oh, dear. In that case, I'm really sorry for my flippancy there! I would be very embarrassed to be caught (as would most of the other posters, if I remember), and that is because shame is a part of a normal person's make-up. This guy is nuts.

Fruitysunshine · 06/12/2009 16:50

lmao at sikxtyfootdoll

Your response had me laughing out loud! Way to go!

maristella · 06/12/2009 17:50

could your neighbour be related to my neighbours?????
i live a few doors down from a right pair of weirdos. she tried to be my best friend, and he tried it on with me - yuk on both accounts!! after hearing back that he had told his colleagues (my friends) which cars were parked on my drive on which days, and whether my bedroom curtains were open or drawn on these occasions i had the excuse to forcibly remove them from my life
they were sooo nosey too! always commenting on everything - i went to ikea, and was unloading the car, when she came running over asking how i could afford to go to ikea - errr none of your f*ing business!
i had to repeatedly assert the boundaries - closing the blinds when being stared at, refusing to answer personal questions etc before they finally started to get the message.
having said that i keep the front blinds closed at all times, and close the curtains at the back, because i feel that's the only way i can maintain the privacy and distance that keeps me sane
sorry for the rant, but i really do know what it's like to feel completely intruded upon!

maristella · 06/12/2009 17:51

...i close the curtains at the back when i go out - not all the time, they wouldn't dare to peer in when i'm home cos they know i would absolutely flip!

CardyMow · 06/12/2009 22:35

I have awfully nosy neighbour too, in a terraced house, near the house the housing association will only let us have 4 ft fence, so no privacy, I've even caught her standing on her patio table??!! to look into my window. Now I have nets on all my windows, and as our lounge backs onto the garden, I have to keep the curtains shut all day every day, or I get NO privacy. It makes me sooo angry that people out there think it's ok to do this.

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