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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being "sarky"?

64 replies

Gateaux · 04/12/2009 14:54

DP is absolutely OBSESSED with everything being 100% fair (as long as it's in his favour, anyway).

So for instance, if I buy my son a pair of trainers because he needs them, DP will buy his son some trainers just to make it fair.

If my son has a yogurt before he goes to school, DP will try and force a yogurt down his son's throat just to make it "fair".

Anyway, we were sat wrapping christmas pressies this morning and DP wanted us to wrap the same presents in the same paper. So for instance, if I wrapped an xbox game in the red snowman paper, DP would make sure he wrapped an xbox game up in the same paper etc it really was ridiculous and I was chuckling to myself about it.

However, he then started on the tags.

"Which tag did you use for that present? the reindeer or the santa? could you pass me one the same please" etc.

In the end I got so pissed off with it. He was wrapping up a present and I said to him "how many pieces of celotape have you used on that pressie? five? well I've only used four on this one so could you pass me another piece please?"

Anyway he THREW the celotape at me and called me a "sarcy little cow" and stormed off. He's still not talking to me but refuses to admit that his "fairness lark" is OTT.

Should I have just kept quiet or what?

OP posts:
mistletoekisses · 04/12/2009 14:56

Sorry but LMAO. YANBU. I think you were remarkably restrained.

Hassled · 04/12/2009 14:56

Is he 12? What else is going on - does he have any reason to suspect your DS is getting "more" than yours? It shouldn't be a bloody competition, anyway. You really need to sit down and talk about this - it doesn't sound like the makings of a happy step-family, and he clearly has a lot of resentment about something.

GypsyMoth · 04/12/2009 14:57

that would really annoy me and would have done same as you!!

OrmIrian · 04/12/2009 14:57

YANBU. That is totally stupid.

ConnorTraceptive · 04/12/2009 14:57

YANBU that would seriously do my nut in!

borderslass · 04/12/2009 14:58

YANBU that's a bit OTT

JustAnotherManicMummy · 04/12/2009 14:58

YANBU.

How very bizarre!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 04/12/2009 14:58

Sounds quite OTT, can't really blame you for taking the piss a bit when it gets that picky! Has his son been saying he feels your son is the favourite or something?

I can understand trying to keep things the same for both boys so they both feel equally loved etc but it sounds like he's taking it to extremes. They are individual children after all!

GhoulsAreLoud · 04/12/2009 14:59

YANBU.

Original poster
Gateaux · 04/12/2009 15:00

Well yesterday a massive row erupted over a couple of bourbon biscuits.

The DS's brought their packed lunch boxes home. His DS had brought home a cereal bar whereas mine had eaten his.

So this morning, DSS gets his back in his packed lunch box. My DS was told by DP that there were no more left and DSS only got one because he didn't eat it yesterday.

Fair enough. However, DS then asked me if I minded him sticking a couple of bourbon biscuits in his packed lunch. I said "No, course not, take some".

Anyway, when DP found out, all hell broke loose because my DS had had two bourbon biscuits and his DS hadn't. He then made a point of feeding his DS two bourbon biscuits to make up for it. Even DS was laughing at this one! it's so stupid.

OP posts:
RnB · 04/12/2009 15:02

YADNBU!!

Hassled · 04/12/2009 15:03

I don't think it's funny - I think it's worrying. He sounds unhinged - seriously barking. He has issues which you need to address.

RockBird · 04/12/2009 15:03

FFS he sounds like a toddler. He has some serious issues there. Is he the less favourite younger brother himself? I'd feed my child biscuits till he was sick and watch DP try to keep up. Silly sod

TrillianAstra · 04/12/2009 15:07

How old are your DSs? Sounds like they're old enough to regulate the 'fairness' themselves. (and for one to offer the other a cereal bar as a swap for a bourbon biscuit)

SleepingLion · 04/12/2009 15:08

It doesn't sound funny, it sounds like a serious psychological problem which is going to damage the boys unless something's done about it. You don't say how old the boys are but what happens when they are older and your DS brings a girl home and your DP's DS doesn't? - is your DP going to go out and hire an escort for his DS to 'make it fair'??

ajandjjmum · 04/12/2009 15:10

It's surely not going to help the relationship between the boys.

PuppyMonkey · 04/12/2009 15:12

Blimey, what will yer dh do when one of them gets a girlfriend????

McSnail · 04/12/2009 15:12

How bizarre. I think it sounds a bit OCD, to be frank.

PuppyMonkey · 04/12/2009 15:13

cross posts, sleepinglion..

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/12/2009 15:16

Yes this is very very worrying. Does he do it the opposite way? If his DS gets something does he make sure yours gets exactly the same too, or is it all one way? If the former, it's weird but could be seen as an idiosyncracy, but I suspect it's the latter which is just fucked up and will lead to your DSS having a massive sense of entitlement and your DS getting a complex.

mummygirl · 04/12/2009 15:18

...and you sleep next to this person??? I'd be scared to be honest... And I'm not being sarcastic

Original poster
Gateaux · 04/12/2009 15:26

No its one way. If it's my DS "missing out" it just gets ignored as being "petty".

An example of this was school trips. DS's school offer lots of trips abroad. DP said we should ban all foreign trips as it would work out too expensive. I wasn't happy but agreed.

Anyway his DS came home with a letter about a foreign trip and all of a sudden the ban on trips is lifted

I think his sister was favoured when they were kids but I still think he's being nutty about it.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/12/2009 15:29

he's being nutty! Fair enough to spend roughly the same on each and try to avoid any obvious inequality situations (grandparents etc) but this is madness and he has to be made to realise it.
What's he like on your DS's birthday?

msrisotto · 04/12/2009 15:30

Yeah, it's not cool when he's happy for one kid to go without (how hurtful must that feel?).

Original poster
Gateaux · 04/12/2009 15:32

Actually, I've just remembered something else. It's not just the kids.

We have two rabbits in a hutch outside and two rabbits in a big cage inside.

Now obviously, in the depths of winter, the indoor rabbits are so much easier for me to get to so occassionally I might pop a carrot or two in their cage.

But a couple of weeks ago DP went nuts at me because I was "favouring" the indoor rabbits over the outdoor ones. I was being totally "unfair", "Neglectful" and "CRUEL". He then made a point of emptying an entire bag of carrots in the rabbits hutch and came in showing off about how the indoor ones would "get a taste of their own medicine" and "lets see how they like being left out" etc

I just snapped "are you fucking 'right' or what???" and he snapped back "OH! YOU DON'T LIKE IT DO YOU! WHEN THE OTHER RABBITS GET SOMETHING THESE ONES DONT! HA, WELL THAT JUST PROVES MY POINT!"

absolute nutjob sometimes.

OP posts: