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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 8mo DS to bath in wee?

86 replies

Undercovamutha · 04/12/2009 10:24

Last night my DH was bathing DD (3) and DS (8mo). We have recently started bathing them together now that DS can sit up confidently in the bath. DD did a wee in the bath (DH had forgotten to put her on the toilet prior to bath). Now to my mind, DH should have quickly bathed both children, rinsing them off (especially DS) in a bit of clean water, and washed their faces in clean water too. What DH actually did was tell DD not to tell me , and then kept them in the bath splashing and playing for another 10 mins. He also washed them in the water too (couldn't bear to ask if he'd washed DS's face in the wee water!!!!). Whilst DH was changing DS, I came upstairs and asked DD if she needed a wee, she said she didn't cos she'd had one in the bath. I then caught DH later telling DD not to tell tales on him!

Anyway, DH is so sure that he is in the right that HE asked me to ask on MN if IABU to be annoyed about the whole thing. He thinks that as urine is sterile (apparently?) there's no problem and I was getting het up about nothing. I know I have a tendency towards being overly hygienic, so am starting to doubt myself.

What do you think?

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 04/12/2009 11:53

YABU we only evacuate for floaters. The ds's not mine or dh's obviously

gorionine · 04/12/2009 11:59

YAB a bit U but I admit to always qickly rince the dcs (the little ones) with the shower just before getting them out of the bath as I KNOW at lest one of them will have peed in it! I have read somewhere (probably on here actually) that urine is not sterile anymore once out of the body.

Bubbaluv · 04/12/2009 12:20

YABU but Sassy is making you look quite sane by comparison!

Oblomov · 04/12/2009 12:23

YABU
Laugh at soupdragon, drinking it. ha ha.
OP, You are too precious !!

Original poster
Undercovamutha · 04/12/2009 12:26

Allthreeways - I was a bit about the whole 'don't tell tales' thing, and told DH so in no uncertain terms.
I will concede to him that IWBU about the wee, but that he was definitely BU about the secrets and tales element! He does have a bit of a propensity for encouraging DD to collude with him against the big bad ogre (me!) and it drives me insane!

OP posts:
Original poster
Undercovamutha · 04/12/2009 12:30

Am off to don the sterile gloves ready to serve dinner to DCs. Of course first I must hose them down with antibacterial spray!

OP posts:
AllFallDown · 04/12/2009 12:32

My DS used to drink bathwater after he'd had a wee in the bath, no matter how many tomes we told him not to. He was alive and unharmed last time I looked.

HughRinal · 04/12/2009 12:34

I wish this was all I had to worry about

Madascheese · 04/12/2009 12:38

I'm a bit about the wee thing - my ex is very ocd about 'germs' 'bacteria' and 'infections' and I'm pretty much more laid back (oh another of the reasons he's the exh!)

I'm really be much more worried about the 'don't tell Mummy' or indeed 'don't tell daddy' stuff. I think younger children do find it hard to decide between situations. I think your DP is BVU and irresponsible to have put the kids in that situation and I think (sorry) you are BVU for making a big deal about it so he had to!

xMad

gorionine · 04/12/2009 12:40

Maybe we should all drink a cup of peed in bath water and have a count of how many of us survive or not to really have valid statistics about it?

Assuming that not many of us would go for it, I am guessing we have double standards reagarding the issue, not a big deal if a child drinks it but as an adult you would never do it, even though it is perfectly safe to do so, right?

saladfingers · 04/12/2009 16:50

Urine is sterile from a healthy individual. I'd be more worried that he was telling DD to keep secrets from you!

nellynaemates · 04/12/2009 20:40

yabu and precious.

My ds does a pee in the bath right at the beginning 9 times out of 10, it won't do them any harm!!

MinkyBorage · 04/12/2009 20:45

it's irrelevan whether urine is sterile or not, but yabvu to think it's a problem, you know now that it's absolutely fine, and you can chill out a bit about that sort of thing..................HOWEVER, your DH should NOT be asking your dd to keep secrets from you. This is very unhealthy, regardless of how lighthearted he was being. I would be pissed off about that.

pantomimecow · 04/12/2009 22:38

I am sure their arses with water swishing round them aren't too sterile either !

Tanith · 04/12/2009 22:47

You are not being unreasonable. Never mind the wee and whether or not your babies were bathing in it (for the record, I'd have done as you would have done - it might come out sterile, but it doesn't stay that way).

No, my problem - my big problem - is that he told your DD to lie to you, then had a go at her afterwards when she told you the truth.

Not very nice or responsible behaviour from a father IMHO!

monkeyfacegrace · 04/12/2009 22:53

I wee in my bath.

scottishmummy · 04/12/2009 22:58

fresh wee is indeed sterile (unless have UTI) swimming pool is a germ bath compared to home bath

BitOfFun · 04/12/2009 23:03

Some slebs wash their faces in their own urine, fact.

scottishmummy · 04/12/2009 23:05

well schlebs talk pish,so suprise there then

CitizenPrecious · 04/12/2009 23:05

Hugh Rinal

teamcullen · 04/12/2009 23:09

I had a friend who swore that the reason she had lovely clear skin as a teenager was because her mum used to wipe her face with her wet nappys when she was a baby.

I bit of pee in the bath wouldnt bother me, I think all my DCs peed in the bath when they used to share, I never wipped them out, just carried on. They never caught the lergy

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/12/2009 23:19

I heard somewhere that boys can't help but wee when they get in the bath. I think it's something to do with the warm water around their penis - not having one myself I can't comment. Certainly my ds is usually made to sit on the potty before he gets in the bath and if he doesn't then he always wees as soon as he's in the bath.

We intend to tell our kids that if anyone tells them to keep anything secret they're to tell one of us immediately - even if it's mummy or daddy who told them. We have surprises in our house, no secrets at all. Possibly one of my little paranoias, but it's there for good reason.

AllThreeWays · 04/12/2009 23:47

The surprise rather than secrets is a good idea Urban Dryad.
I don't think it is paranoid at all, surprises have an end date and are positive, secrets are because of something else underlying the secret (even if it is just one partner pitting a child against the other).
I am most upset about the child getting in trouble for teling the truth.

mumzy · 05/12/2009 08:23

I'm not quite sure how you can stop a 8 mth old weeing in the bath or whenever the need takes them. all mine went through a phase of weeing in the bath when they were babes and on occasions the others had a sneaky drink from the bath when contaminated with said wee. As long as it is a passing phase I should'nt think it would do any harm.

FrannyandZooey · 05/12/2009 08:57

the lying is the problem - but tbh people usually lie when they are feeling powerless and / or someone is being overly controlling

he should not tell your dd to lie to you, ever - this needs to be addressed - but to enable him to be honest, he needs to know that you won't fly off the handle about simple things, and will accept that sometimes he will do things differently

this is easier said that done i know! i am a bit funny about hygiene sometimes and dp is very lax
a bit of wee in the bath won't hurt them - your ds will be weeing in the bath quite a lot too you know
but i understand why you feel funny thinking about it - the answer is don't think about it! they are fine aren't they? nobody got sick or anything
i think as mothers we are programmed to get a little bit OCD to protect our babies
but it's not good for the nerves, and not rational in most cases! when i find out something hideous like ds1 has been drinking from a bottle of water that has algae in it, i try to think "we are all well, no-one is sick"
a few germs don't matter