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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a lodger wouldn't be all that bad?

39 replies

YanknCock · 02/12/2009 00:09

DH is totally against the idea. I think it would be a good way to bring in some extra cash, and it wouldn't be forever.

We have a newly decorated spare furnished double bedroom. I was thinking we could post notices at DH's business park (5 minutes drive) and try to get someone as a Mon-Fri lodger short term. Someone who just needs a place to stay for a few weeks/months while on a contract, but wants to go home for the weekends, and would like to stay more cheaply than a hotel with the option of cooking own meals.

Am I being completely unrealistic? DH says the whole thing fills him with dread. He's lived in a lot of shared housing and is convinced we'd get some crazy psycho who wouldn't pay and would refuse to leave or would steal stuff (not that we have a lot!). He also thinks we could never completely relax in our own home (which is why I thought of the week-only lodger, saw it on a news program the other day). At least we'd have weekends to ourselves.

I'm so sick of never getting anywhere financially, just a bit of extra income would really help. AIBU to think it could work?

OP posts:
Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 02/12/2009 00:14

I did exactly this and a guy who was on the same team as me contracting stayed in my house.

He 'sleepwalked' with his cock out the flap of his boxers.

So maybe not great with kids in the house?

jasper · 02/12/2009 00:16

A friend of mine has done this very successfully, with a succession of short term lodgers for years

BionicEar · 02/12/2009 00:26

How big is your house? If it not a big house, you can kinda feel lack of space when you are all in house together.

We had a friend lodge with us for about 9mths. I found it really hard esp towards end, as just felt we never got any space on our own as a couple or as a family.

I'm with your DH on this I'm afraid. Surely happy family more important than money?

whifflegarden · 02/12/2009 00:30

My SIL has done this for years as well and it's worked very well for her. I'm very jealous of how much she's been able to save . The trick is to find someone who won't spend much time at home (probably works late, and goes home for weekends).

Do you have DCs? If so, then might not be that straightforward.

Vallhala · 02/12/2009 00:31

Lol Laurie!

I think that much might depend on where you live and the type of lodger you might have. I have friends in Cambridge, some of whom have adult foreign students in their lovely homes (where the friends have young children) with no problem, some have businessmen on a "go home at weekend" basis, with equally happy results. Perhaps it might be a less than suitable arrangement in a different sort of area where the type of lodger may not be so predictable? (I'm honestly not being snooty, just relating other's experiences).

I wouldn't like the idea but I really, really value my space and free time in my sitting room, being a lone parent.

If your DH works in a big organisation where there are businessmen looking for a short term solution or if you are in an area like Cambridge and are able to set your family's expectations of a lodger and be respected as some of my friends do, it can work ime.

The main thing is perhaps to talk it over with your DH at length, decide if the extra cash is worth the work and the possible hiccups, what you'd both want in terms of privacy and expectations of a lodger if so and whether you can agree on a reasonable set of rules which you'd expect a guest in your home to abide by.... and whether you were willing and able to enforce those rules and not stress or feel awkward about saying something if, heaven forbid, they were broken.

It wouldn't be my choice, urgh, never...but it does work for some!

LastTrainToNowhere · 02/12/2009 00:58

agree with valhalla - it depends on the type of lodger. If you got mature students or travelling business men, they will most likely be more respectful of your space. You need someone who either spends much of the day outside the house, or someone who stays in his room for a major part of the day.

Also you and dh both need to be comfortable with the idea. If your dh feels resentful of the lodger's presence, it will be very uncomfortable for both parties.

I would never be able to do this because I'm very protective about my space. I cannot even bear visitors who stay for longer than 4-5 hours - I start to feel they're intruding. I cannot imagine having a stranger living in 24/7. This is why I have not fallen for the temptation to hire an au-pair even though it would be such a great help with getting work done.

lucykate · 02/12/2009 01:27

i'm with your dh on this one too i'm afraid. having lived in lots of shared houses as a student, there are some weird people out there.

girlsyearapart · 02/12/2009 07:54

we have a lodger but he was a friend first.

came to stay 2 nights- been living with us 5 years, moved with us 3 times.

We couldn't do without the money, he is great with the kids and generally keeps himself to himself.

It does annoy me sometimes though- another person in the house not doing enough housework, not able to go from bathroom to bedroom naked, no sex on the sofa but he'll be with us a long time to come I think.

Things that help are - he doesn't drink, doesn't have a girlfriend so no raiding of our alcohol/steaming in drunk/hearing him shagging.

Don't think I'd advertise for some random though.

MamaLazarou · 02/12/2009 08:00

I was a lodger for a while, a few years back. The landlady and I got on famously and are still friends. I did lots of free babysitting for her, and she made me lots of delicious meals.

GibbonInARibbon · 02/12/2009 08:00

He 'sleepwalked' with his cock out the flap of his boxers.

Oh dear God and I thought my morning sickness could not get any worse! yuck poor you Laurie.

Have to say having a lodger would be my hell on earth even if they were perfect.

FimbleHobbs · 02/12/2009 08:08

We have a foreign student lodging with us - have had several over the years - and it works fine for us.

We have an agreement that DH cleans the bathroom though as they are usually late teens/early twenties young men who've never cleaned in their lives!

We cook meals for the lodger and help him with learning english. He goes up to his room around 8-9pm to chat to friends on the internet so we get time to relax by ourselves too.

The DCs get on with him fine, though neither really understand each other.

Iamamumma · 02/12/2009 08:21

We have a lodger, we advertised for monday-friday only through www.spareroom.co.uk I wasn't thrilled about the idea but we were skint and wanted to get some cash in the bank. We ended up with a nice bloke, he is quiet, works a lot, mainly eats takeaways and travels a lot on buisness - is perfect! He doesn't even bat an eye at me BF'ing on the sofa looking like the wild woman of bourneo in the mornings. He has been with us for 18 months now through new puppy and new baby - you just get used to it! It does help that he has his own bathroom as he seems to get water everywhere, but that is the worst I can say!

Just be careful to notify your mortgage provider and insurance company - motgage peeps didn't seem to care, but insurance went up a bit

cumbria81 · 02/12/2009 08:22

We had lodgers when I was a kid. They used to live in the attic.

Some of them I liked, some of them not so much. I think it depends who you get

badietbuddy · 02/12/2009 08:27

I have had 3 lodgers, 2 good, 1 bad. The 'bad' one was a french student and lived here for a uni year. We didn't know at the time but I was pregnant when she moved in, Me and exdp then had a bad break up to contend with, and I ended up cooking for her the day I came home from hospital because despite being 21 years old she seemed incapable of cooking herself a meal I wish I'd made the ground rules more clear tbh, such as that she would be cookign for herself. It cost me a fortune in food. Having said that, I have never had anything stolen or any of those concerns, and the money was much needed at the time.

TheArmadillo · 02/12/2009 08:33

We have a lodger (joint tenant techinically as we rent) and he's been with us for about 6 years.

I wouldn't have it any other way. He's a friend adn we have known him for a long time. He cooks/shops for himself and does his own washing. He has moved house with us.

I have had shit lodgers in the past though. And they are unbareable. Even close friends who I thought I knew (destroyed the friendship).

Me and dp moved from shared houses into having someone live with us so never lived alone. You do have to have a certain personality, I think, to do it. Both on your side and on the lodgers.

ABetaDad · 02/12/2009 08:35

A couple of friends do rent out rooms to youngish language students in Oxford but they act more as a quasi parent and get well paid and it involves cooking, washing etc.

Another just rents a room out to older university students who are more or less just given a key. All seem happy.

The rental income is tax free if you take advantage of the HMRC 'Rent a Room Scheme'

Original poster
YanknCock · 02/12/2009 09:26

Hmmm....thanks everyone, you've given me lots to think about.

We do have a 3 month old DS, and I will be going back to work full time when he's about 6 months old; he'll be going to the nursery on DH's business park. He does sleep through the night so I wouldn't be worried about him disturbing anyone's sleep.

The house isn't particularly big, a 3 bed semi with one bathroom and separate toilet. Separate rooms for kitchen, dining and lounge.

We're in Warrington, so not sure how much demand for this type of thing there would be. Supposedly the business park is the biggest in the northwest.

I wonder if we're both just too used to having our space. Agree we'd both have to be on board with it. The not being able to wander about naked concerns me greatly.

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 02/12/2009 10:59

I'd second the idea about language students - I don't know if you can have them in Warrington, but for us in Cambridge, we've always known that if we got a bit short on money, we could take in a language student. As BetaDad says, they're usually younger, and you do their washing and cooking and generally keep an eye on them. The advantage is that they only stay for a month or so, so you get a break in between.

Having been a language student abroad when I was younger, and a lodger with a friend, I'd also agree that the most important thing is to make your expectations very clear. It can work out brilliantly, so long as everyone's on the same page.

slushy06 · 02/12/2009 12:10

I had a lodger just sit down and before you go ahead make sure all rules are agreed before he accepts. E.g My lodger wanted to be a cook but she poured the most ridiculous amount of fat and salt into foods. Her salad dressing was 70% fat which made me cringe and everytime I wanted to use the kitchen she would be either cooking or there would be a big mess. She would offer me to eat her food but to be honest it was so unhealthy it made me cringe and it meant I had a hungry dp coming in from work at 6 and me having to wait two hours till about 8 before I could start cooking as she would start cooking about 5.30 when she got home and finish about 7o'clock 30 mins eating and 30 mins to clean up.

chalky3 · 02/12/2009 12:43

It really depends on how much you need the money and how you both feel about getting it this way.

We've had two lodgers. The first one was a student who came to stay for 9 months when DH went back to college. We needed the money then so were willing to compromise. Didn't like the extra mess and 'crowded' feeling but it allowed DH to train do what he had always wanted to. The second time was to help out a friend who was down on his luck. He came to stay for a couple of weeks but this ended up being two months. We had to politely ask him to go. He didn't understand why he couldn't just stay and pay us more. That time we didn't need the extra cash and were happy to help him out for a short while. It was fine at first, he helped out and was generally a good houseguest, but eventually it felt like our space was being invaded, all our food eaten and bathroom destroyed! We couldn't stand it anymore.

If you do decide to go ahead with this make sure you are clear with the ground rules and how long you want to do it for. It can be very difficult to raise issues with people you don't know that well but have to live with. If DH is really against having a lodger it will put a huge strain on both of you. Maybe you should look at other options to raise some extra cash.

NonnoMum · 02/12/2009 21:38

We've had language students on short stay (8 weeks or so) that have generally worked out OK. Apart from a big fat Russian who wanted "meat" for breakfast (shuddup - you're having sugary cereal and a bit of toast like the rest of us). We were paid through the language school though so didn't have any trouble over rent etc. We had to provide 3 meals a day and a bit of a chat in the evening but not too much to get in the way of family life. My dh did the evening meal and i did breakfasts and packed lunches.
One area we did have a problem with though was the telephone. They would buy cards that were supposed to route the calls through them; some cards did, some didn't, so I would keep the phone out of the equation. Not a problem if you've having a mobile user from Milton Keynes, but our Kazak (yes, really) language students were a different matter. Good luck.

pointydogg · 02/12/2009 21:42

I would hate to have a lodger.

A var big house would be necessary and even then I don't think I'd consider it.

Kaloki · 02/12/2009 21:44

I lodged with a friend (we hadn't known each other long when I moved in) and it worked out well. Or atl east she's never told me she hated having me there, she's since had a few other lodgers with no problems.

As chalky said setting up ground rules is the most important thing if you do decide to go ahead with it.

expatinscotland · 02/12/2009 21:44

Only if he/she had their own bathroom.

thatsnotmymonster · 02/12/2009 21:47

We have a female lodger who rents our 4th small bedroom. She has been here since Feb and has become a good friend. We only charge £50 per week and she goes home at weekends and is away quite a lot so it has been FAB!!

We go running together and she is company when dh is away and working late.

We have 3 kids under 5.

Will be very sorry when she has to go!