To question MILs Christmas dinner plans?

[alicet]

We are going to Pils for Christmas. There will be 8 adults and 3 children (including our 2 dss who are 2 and 3 and my niece who is also 2)

Now I am very much one of the camp who thinks if you visiting someone else at Christmas then your wishes regarding traditions have to be put to one side and you have to embrace those of your hosts. And in the 6 years dh and I have been together this is the first time we have been to pils for Christmas day so their turn is overdue.

Mil was telling me today about her plans for Christmas dinner. All good except for one thing - their dining table is not big enough for all of us so she plans to seat the adults there and the children in the kitchen. There is a glass door between the 2 rooms.

I am pretty surprised at this and not at all happy tbh. I really want to be able to share christmas dinner with my 2 sons who will be very excited. I also want to be able to help them with their food - they are both good eaters but the younger one sometimes needs a bit of encouragement and help. I don't see why they couldn't bring their kitchen table into the dining room and put the 2 tables together so that we can all eat as a family - the room is more than big enough to accommodate this.

Would I be unreasonable to suggest this? Going to ask dh what he thinks before wading in but thought the MN jury might help me to know if I am unreasonable first!

At work at the mo which is why I haven't mentioned it to dh yet and have to go now so if I don't respond to messages I will do asap!

YANBU

If you've got a good relationship with your MIL, why nt ask her? Alternatively, do you know how your nieces' parents feel?

YANBU. The children are too young to eat alone. Even a little 'drawing table' and three tiny chairs next to the dining table would be better than them eating in the kitchen.

YANBU, I wouldn't leave my 2 yr old ds in the kitchen with a hot oven cooling down and the knife drawer, and dishes of food on the sides from doing the dinner. No way! I'd be on pins throughout the dinner thinking I'd hear a crash and a scream (but then again my ds is a nosey little monkey)

They are too young to eat alone. There is a small but real risk of choking and of them accessing unseen hot or dangerous kitchen articles. Just tell mil you're sorry to upset her plans but it's not safe and you wouldn't relax so what else can they do please?

I started reading this, and was ready to tell you to get a grip, but you are not being unreasonable. You need to find a way to approach the subject.

YANBU. 2 and 3 year olds are too little to eat alone, especially on Christmas Day.

YANBU to want your dc to eat in the same room as the adults. What if one of them started choking on a piece of meat etc and they where alone in the kitchen.

For safety reasons they need to be in the same room as the adults. And Christmas is a time for togetherness.

no way, is she a loon?

YANBU. I would not have this.

I really wouldn't be happy with this whatever the age of the children!!

I want my DD to eat with her family especially on Christmas Day!

Fantastic idea of your MILs. Once they are teenagers, that is.

YANBU.

Eh!?!? She's not really thought this through very well. Probably got the best intentions but has obviously forgotten there's absolutely NO WAY you leave 2 x 2yo and 1 x 3yo, to eat alone, in the kitchen, like dogs.

There's no negotiation needed here. Get wading in. I would say "I've/We've been thinking about your suggestion of a seperate table for the DCs, it's not workable because they are too young to eat alone and TBH DH & I don't want them to. We really need to bring the kitchen table in the dining room".

Gah, am waiting for someone to come on here and mardily say "YABU" just to be contentious, but there's no justification whatsoever. YANBU.

YANBU. It'd be a right mess. & how dismal.

There really isn´t room for three small children?

What nonsense.

Sounds like an excuse not to have the children at the table tbh.

How about three adults sit in the kitchen as the children are def too young to be unsupervised imo.

YANBU, how awful for the children left in the kitchen. I also think they are too young to be on their own and would be worrying about the hot oven, knives etc!! My MIL doesn't stop my DS from going in the kitchen so I either go and shut the door (which she leaves open when she goes in there again) or I'm constantly following him in there while she sits down and says "hes alright". Sorry, nothing to do with your thread . But I'm sooo not a fan of children in the kitchen.

This is a MN first - a MIL thread in AIBU where she is, unanimously, BU!

YANBU definitly suggest this to yoru mother in law, or if not go and sit in there yourself and your dh too. I wouls not leave my 2.8 year old unsupervised, far to young and does not eat unless forced coaxed.

YANBU. Your MILs set-up sounds identical to my late Nan and Grendad's, glass door through to the kitchen and all. Their solution to your problem was to place a plank of wood (think pine shelf type) across two adjacent chairs, and pop one of us little ones on that plank between two seated adults, as an extra chair wouldn't have fitted at the dining table. This, btw, was AFTER they'd put the kitchen table alongside the dining table to accommodate all the adults!

There's no way my Nanny and Grandad would have left the children out - and besides, as people bustle in and out of the kitchen to get more veg or whatever, it could be dangerous for young children.

Perhaps you could explain this to your MIL and suggest the planks idea if there's insufficient room at the table/s for the number of chairs necessary? Daft idea, I know, but it works, saves space and ensures everyone is involved and happy.

YANBU. MIght be OK if they were 8+ and all liked each other, then they might prefer an adult free meal although for Christmas I still find that odd.
At preschool age it's a very silly idea by someone who sounds as though they don't spend much time eating with their grandkids.

I think if people can't fit everyone on tables for something like Christmas then they should just invite fewer people. I'd rather have a small family dinner than a fragmented large affair.
Everyone should at least be in the same room and small kids between their parents so they don't annoy the other relatives, with toys nearby so they can get down between courses and let the adults talk as small kids don't do long meals (well mine never did anyway)

YANBU. My MIL did this to me once, not Christmas dinner but a Sunday lunch when we were visiting them and SIL and BIL were also there - we hadn't seen SIL and BIL for a while and wanted to catch up, but no - I had to eat in the kitchen with the children while everyone else ate in the dining room.
I was spitting feathers.
I suggest that you sort this out because ONE adult WILL end up eating with the children, its impractical otherwise, and that adult is very very likely to be you.

all the contents of the table would end up on the floor and she would cry out of lonliness as she loves company

Lordy no YANBU!

That's waaaaaay too young, and v. antisocial! Are they going to be pulling little crackers by themselves? Because unsupervised 2 year olds, small plastic toys and light incendiary devices are an excellent combination!

It'd be a deal-breaker for me. I'd rather stay at home than risk my toddler choking on an esophagus-sized sprout.

Even if you sat with them, It'd be really unfair. Christmas is supposed to be out families being together.