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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To question MILs Christmas dinner plans?

45 replies

alicet · 29/11/2009 19:41

We are going to Pils for Christmas. There will be 8 adults and 3 children (including our 2 dss who are 2 and 3 and my niece who is also 2)

Now I am very much one of the camp who thinks if you visiting someone else at Christmas then your wishes regarding traditions have to be put to one side and you have to embrace those of your hosts. And in the 6 years dh and I have been together this is the first time we have been to pils for Christmas day so their turn is overdue.

Mil was telling me today about her plans for Christmas dinner. All good except for one thing - their dining table is not big enough for all of us so she plans to seat the adults there and the children in the kitchen. There is a glass door between the 2 rooms.

I am pretty surprised at this and not at all happy tbh. I really want to be able to share christmas dinner with my 2 sons who will be very excited. I also want to be able to help them with their food - they are both good eaters but the younger one sometimes needs a bit of encouragement and help. I don't see why they couldn't bring their kitchen table into the dining room and put the 2 tables together so that we can all eat as a family - the room is more than big enough to accommodate this.

Would I be unreasonable to suggest this? Going to ask dh what he thinks before wading in but thought the MN jury might help me to know if I am unreasonable first!

At work at the mo which is why I haven't mentioned it to dh yet and have to go now so if I don't respond to messages I will do asap!

OP posts:

Original poster

alicet · 29/11/2009 22:07

Whooppeee I got a unanimous YANBU!!!

Glad to hear I'm not just being precious. I hadn't even thought about the safety aspect but thats clearly extra ammo.

I do get on with my mil but in a very mil/dil way if you see what i mean? She is lovely with the boys and dotes on them which I think is why I was so shocked when she suggested it and didn't say anything at the time!

I also agree with the poster who says although this is mad in view of their age i wouldn't want them on their own in the kitchen at Christmas even when they're 20 as if they choose to spend it with us then I would want us to be together.

I will chat to dh and get him to propose bringing the kitchen table through to the dining room to make space for them. While I am liking the planks idea (will def store this one up for the future if needed at ours!) I am thinking mil will spit chips at this one as she does liek everything to be 'just so'!

OP posts:

GoddessInTheKitchen · 29/11/2009 22:12

have you and the other mother got highchairs for the two 2yo's? then it would just be seating one 3yo? highchairs can just go next to the parent but not take up table space

Original poster

alicet · 29/11/2009 22:19

I have got a high chair but given that we are travelling 6 hours in a car full of presents we won't have space for it. I have a clip on one but i doubt mil will let me use it on her table.

Tbh I think 8 adults round the dining table will be a bit of a squeeze anyway but there is plenty of space to bring the kitchen table through so i will suggest that. Failing that dh and I will go in the kitchen with them. Tbh I think dh would prefer this anyway as he doesn't get on with his dad (long story).

I am pretty sure mil will see this is mad if it is put sensitively to her and agree with what we are asking. She doesn't take criticism well at all but i am sure we can pitch this so she doesn't take it as such. Will chat to dh about how best to do it.

OP posts:

blametheparents · 29/11/2009 22:24

Maybe your MIL and FIL could sit in the kitchen and eat their dinner there?

Original poster

alicet · 29/11/2009 22:25

blametheparents that is indeed a most excellent suggestion

OP posts:

bellavita · 29/11/2009 22:26

I certainly would not be happy with that arrangement of you being in one room and the children in another.

lisbey · 29/11/2009 22:27

Is there a chance this is about her dining room carpet? Just a thought, cos my SIL won't have children in her dining room.

Or as you say everything has to be just so, is it because she only has 8 matching place settings etc? If so, will bringing the kitchen table through spoil the look of the place. Agree it's the best solution, but might need to work on the importance of family over things being "perfect" iyswim

Original poster

alicet · 29/11/2009 22:29

I don't think its about the carpet lisbey - they play in the dining room more than anywhere else when we stay there (it has a sofa in too and is more of a family room that has the dining table pushed to the side and pulled out when needed iyswim).

Hopefully i am worrying over nothing and when we tell her its mad she'll see where we're coming from

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Heated · 29/11/2009 22:32

Do you have a little table and chairs for the dcs? (very useful for arts and crafts if you don't have them anyway) And also a plastic backed mat or picnic rug to protect the floor?

Maybe dh can suggesting bringing these up, so the dcs can sit alongside you all - otherwise, even with the best intentions, they are all going to be at your side or there's going to be lots of adults jumping up and down out of seats during the Xmas meal.

Original poster

alicet · 29/11/2009 22:34

We do have a little table and chairs but not practical to bring them unfortunately - we're travelling approx 6 hours by car and there won't be space after all the presents.

Good suggestion about the plastic mat though - we have one of those and could certainly take it if thats the issue

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Poledra · 29/11/2009 22:37

God, no, YANBU! We have the problem of space at PILs anyway, so we all squoosh up. When there's more than PILs and us (we are 5), they bring out the pasting table and MIL covers it with a pretty cloth. AND we make sure no children sit at the pasting table as it is more likely to tip

I do let the DDs get down between courses at big events like Christmas, as they can't sit still for that long (they're 5, 3 and 1).

Heated · 29/11/2009 22:44

Send ILs to Ikea to get table (£20) and 3 chairs(£29)?

Vallhala · 29/11/2009 22:50

Lol re the planks idea, you can reassure MIL that once the family are round the table and bottoms are in place, no-one even sees the flipping things and they are instantly forgotten as you settle down to eat and have fun.

I'm 45 now but memories of my grandparent's little flat at Christmas (we had 28 around those tables on a couple of occasions, believe it or not, with the odd adult on a plank too!), are still clear in my mind as some of my happiest days.

pickledworms · 29/11/2009 22:51

YANBU mine are 2 & 6 and wouldnt even stay seated let alone eat nicely. Definately speak to her.

Sn0wflake · 29/11/2009 23:09

YANBU...Would be VERY messy and possibly dangerous.

But also the children would feel so left out.....I hate it when children get treated like 2nd class citizens.

Original poster

alicet · 30/11/2009 22:13

OK so when I spoke to dh about this today he told me he has already discussed it with mil this weekend (she was up staying but I was working 8am - 9pm both days so didn't see that much of her).

She mentioned it and he told her in no uncertain terms that where the dss eat, dh and i will eat. So if she wants them in the kitchen then that is fine but dh and I will eat there too. So at least it is sorted!

Thanks to all for helpful suggestions and reassuring me that I am not unreasonable!

OP posts:

AmericanHag · 30/11/2009 23:26

As if you didn't already know...YANBU.

If it wasn't so potentially dangerous, it could be really funny to see the big mess three toddlers could make in your MIL's kitchen. Can you imagine her reaction?

Good idea to speak with your husband first. He should be the one to deal with his mother, not you.

chamoiscreased · 01/12/2009 00:03

you are definitely not U.
They are far too young to eat alone, especially in the kitchen. When I was a child the older children used to eat in a seperate room from the adults at xmas due to the sheer numbers of us but the under 5s joined the adults. I used to love the children only meal and really looked forward to it but we were all older than the children in your situation.
I do like blametheparents' suggestion
Glad your DH is on your side.

2rebecca · 01/12/2009 08:04

I wouldn't want to look after anyone else's sprogs at the xmas meal though. Make sure you're not on general babysitting duty. Mind you I probably wouldn't spend xmas there if she did put our family in the kitchen. We used to have a large plastic telly tubby mat that went under the high chair/ chair as others have mentioned.

MsDoctor · 01/12/2009 08:08

YANBU

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