To really really hate the phrase 'happy mummy = happy child'?

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

For several reasons:

a) because my mother was depressed, and on an unhappy marriage but I was a happy child, well loved and looked after.

b) because it is one of those trite meaningless phrases trotted out to justify choices made by the for the benefit of the parent.

c) happiness in general has been given hugely inflated value and is a very individualised concept. What makes you happy can be in direct conflict with what is good for you, your family and society in general.

There are more reasons but I have to go and get the paper and some groceries for the family though it would make me happy to stay harping on about happiness on Mn!

Inmylittlehead - I am sorry you had a hard time as a child, I wasn't saying that being depressed made you a good parent, simply that being happy didn't necessarily either. My mum was very far from perfect and of course her depression had a negative impact - suicide attempts, flying into rages, unpredictability all bad but that was her 'condition' and despite all that she did a good job much of the time which is remarkable really.

I dislike the us of the phrase because it is used to justify all sorts of parenting choices that are not necessarily made for the best interest of the children. Don't get me wrong, some of my own parenting choices have been made for me not them, but I don't try to pretend otherwise. Conversely I also do things that make me less than happy (eg waking up at 5am, spending inordinate amount of time at soft play parties) because that makes them happy. So perhaps I prefer the less pithy phrase "balancing everyone's need = happy family"

I appreciate all this sounds rather worthy and dour but of course there is a lot to be gained from doing things that make you happy. I like to do the more menial household chores with music blaring, I like to have a glass of wine every now and then, I like to read books all the way through in one go - these actions make me happy. And need no further justification imo.

Bigmouth, I completely agree with points b) & c) & it makes me feel quite happy that you've raised the issue.

Regarding point a) I grew up with a depressed mother in an unhappy marriage. I was loved & well cared for on a practical level also but I was very emotionally distressed by the situation.