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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to buy my own advent calendar for my DS?

33 replies

LittleOneMum · 26/11/2009 16:25

OK, I am prepared to be flamed (dons flameproof jacket, and those goggle things which welders wear).

There is HISTORY to this before you get all judgy-pants. All my life, my Mum has bought me an advent calendar. In fact, it's lovely -wherever I have been in the world, she has managed to get one to me and this has continued right to the present day (I am 35). Bit sad I know, but makes me feel all warm inside when I get it, usually with a card that says "love from Mum xxx".

Anyway, so far so good. This was one of the traditions I was looking forward to starting with my own kids, along with decorating the Xmas tree etc. Last year DS was only 1, but this year he's 2 and old enough to understand, so we went to the shops together last weekend and picked one out together and he was so excited (he asks every day when he can open the first day). It was lovely.

Anyway, last night I get home and there is a parcel for DS and I open it and it's an advent calendar, all singing, all dancing chocolate thing from my Mum. Fine, I think, he'll have 2 (bit miffed, but whatever).

Then my Mum calls and says 'Has DS got his advent calendar yet?" and I said 'yes' and she said "Oh, I'm so excited about starting this tradition with him etc etc" to which i said "Mum, I'd like to buy him his advent calendar please in future - it's a nice Mum and DS thing to do" and she practically hung up with me in a huff! First she went quiet and then upset and then all quiet again.

Now, I know that it's all a bit odd to be upset about this, but AIBU? I wasn't nasty and didn't say I wanted to chuck it in the bin or anything - just explained that this was a tradition I wanted to have with my DS, like we had had. Maybe I'm being an old stingey-pants.

OP posts:

Ivykaty44 · 26/11/2009 16:26

yabu - both of you

Find your own trafition to sdo with your dc don't pinch your mums ideas

Disenchanted3 · 26/11/2009 16:30

TBH I would let your mum buy it, it sounds like its a tradition you cherish, getting the calender from her so why not let her continue it with your children?

There are dozens of traditions YOU can start with your kids, like little hampers on Christmas eve, stockings full of presents, baking homemade decorations for the tree?

Let her do this, i feel for her!

jellybeans · 26/11/2009 16:30

YANBU really to feel that you wanted to do it but it could be alot worse and it's no big deal really is it? Would be worse if she didn't bother with DS probably. I would let her do that tradition and do something else yourslef, decorate the tree or a stocking etc.

Emprexia · 26/11/2009 16:31

Both of you.

I expected my mum to want to do it for my kids having done it for me.. it makes her feel the warm fuzzies, so i leave her to it.

Your mum is being unreasonable for not asking if you minded and sending him a chocolate one when he's only 2!

JemL · 26/11/2009 16:32

YABU. There are tons of other things that you can do with your DS. Let your mum have this. And I speak as another woman in their 30's whose mum still buys them an advent calender!

borderslass · 26/11/2009 16:32

my mum and dad used to do this but we just got another one as well

diddl · 26/11/2009 16:34

It´s hardly worth arguing over is it?

And not the end of the world if he has 2.

I think you may be attaching too much importance to it as your mum has done it for you for so many years tbh.

But since your mum always bought you one,I do find it odd that she doesn´t understand that you now want to do it for your child.

Especially if she is still buying you one!

tootiredtothink · 26/11/2009 16:34

YABU

Carikube · 26/11/2009 16:39

My mum has always bought me one. This year she sent it addressed to dd and not to me. It hasn't occurred to me to be upset about this as we're looking forward to starting our own traditions with dd.

pagwatch · 26/11/2009 16:39

she has something that means a lot to her and that she knows was special for you and she is really excited to have that something special to continue with your DS.
You should find your own tradition and let her have this. To fight about it is childish and shows a lack of grace on your part.

But then YA both BU in buying shitty crappy chocolate advent calendars which are not proper advent calendars at all. Fucking horrible things.

Why don't you get an advent calendar to do with your DS each evening, or a solid advent and put toys and notes and things in - if you want something advent related.

NotFromConcentrate · 26/11/2009 16:40

You are being an old stingey-pants

I can see that you are looking forward to doing lots of special things with your little boy, and that you obviously treasure the memories of Christmas traditions you and your mum have. You'll have the chance to make lots and lots of your own traditions with your little boy, and an advent calendar is one that mum can easily do without living in the same house, IYSWIM. Think of all the lovely things you can do together putting up the tree, the little things you do on Chrsitmas eve, and on Christmas day.

Also, I bet a lot of people would love their parents or PIL to care enough to do that. My own mum makes calendars for my little boys every year, with little gifts in the pockets which is lovely. My PIL, on the other hand, don't bother and sometimes I wish they would make a token effort at any time, and especially at Christmas.

Have a lovely Christmas with your LO's

unfitmother · 26/11/2009 16:40

A bit precious perhaps?

thedollshouse · 26/11/2009 16:40

I know where you are coming from but I think it is one of those things that you just have to put up with.

My mil always bought us a an advent calendar, eventually at the grand old age of 27 we had to tell her to stop as we just aren't into things like that and it was getting binned without any of the doors being opened.

When ds was born I knew that she would want to buy him an advent calendar so I just let her as to say something would just sound daft. Mil buys ds a horrible cheapy chocolate one and I buy him a traditional one with lovely pictures. Of course he prefers Mil's one.

Jojay · 26/11/2009 16:42

YABU - start your own tradition.

Mine Ds's are 1 and 3 and we've started ours this year - a bit different but we're going to fill a charity shoe box every year, aimed at a little boy the same age as them.

As they get older they can choose things to go in it etc

thumbwitch · 26/11/2009 16:44

ah no, I understand where you're coming from with this - and I think it is lovely that you want to copy a tradition with your DS that your mum had with you.

But - why don't you have another discussion with your mum and explain this? In the meantime it won't hurt him to have 2 advent calendars to open - twice the fun! Although if they're BOTH chocolate, that's not so good.

BTW, my mum also got me an advent calendar every year up until I was in my late 30s but they had to have chocolate in.

Morloth · 26/11/2009 16:45

Have two every year then you can both be happy.

allaboutme · 26/11/2009 16:47

call her back and say sorry, you really enjoyed the tradition with her and you and assumed without thinking that you'd do the same with DS, but now you realise its her tradition and you are going to do something of your own that you hope will contnue with your own grandchildren one day too

diddl · 26/11/2009 16:48

Well, I don´t think that YABU in that your mother has had her time of buying you Advent calendars as a child.

Why should she do it for your child also?

But can you compromise & get 2 different sorts each year?

mumtofour · 26/11/2009 16:51

Hi Littleone mum.
I dont think you are wrong to be upset as you had set your heart on doing this for your son. Likewise your mum is no doubt trying to continue her tradition with you and pass it to your son. If it was me I would try to think is this worth falling out with my mum over, your son wont mind who has bought it and you can then introduce a new tradition of your own. One I heard a colleague saying she does with her kids is that each christmas she takes them to chose a new decoration for the tree, these decorations then get stored in their own box and come out each year, then when her children leave home they take their box of decorations with them. i thought this was really nice and may be an idea for you. you sound a fab caring mum and hope you sort it with your mum. x

diddl · 26/11/2009 16:51

I think it´s hilarious that some think it´s the Grandmothers tradition!!

Is this what has happened for most of you then?

Your parents used to buy you an Advent Calendar, & now buy them for your children?

Or do most of you buy them for your own children?

2shoes · 26/11/2009 16:55

yanbu
my sm did this with my dc's
so they had 2

TitsalinaBumsquash · 26/11/2009 16:55

You should do what i just finished doing and mak a hand crafted, amazing looking advent calendaer that can be used every year until your DS is old.

noonar · 26/11/2009 16:57

my mum bought one for my dds and i was a bit annoyed as i didnt want them having a choc one.

yanbu

you are entitled to be precious when your first born is having his first proper xmas- ie one that he understands.

OrmIrian · 26/11/2009 16:59

I understand. I like buying beautiful old-fashioned calendars for my DC. But mum always gets in first with boring chocolate ones. Used to wind me up but not any more. I wish she's get me one instead

noonar · 26/11/2009 16:59

also, my mil took my dds xmas shopping and bought presents for them to give to dh and i, and for them to give to each other.

again, very generous, but i'd wanted to do that little ritual with them myself. i prob sound mean too

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