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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to indulge my 3, nearly 4, year old with his 'comfort' bear?

98 replies

ChickandDuck · 25/11/2009 12:29

My DS1 has a bear that he takes to bed with him every night. He doesn't take it out anymore but will sometimes go and fetch him from his bed during the day if he's feeling a bit tired/unwell. Sometimes he's more attached and went through a stage of wanting to dress/fed his bear (just after I had DS2, quite sweet watching him 'BF' his bear).

He's just said that he thinks 'bear' needs some new clothes.

Would it be unreasonable for me to suggest to him that we go to town and buy 'bear' a new outfit for christmas (something from the bear factory, even though it's not a bear factory bear, or baby clothes from a charity shop) that he could give to 'bear' on Christmas Day. I ask because DP thinks he's getting to an age where he should be 'ditching' bear. I think he will eventually grow out of him in his own time? But then we are spending Christmas Day with my PIL so I worry that they might be a bit

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 25/11/2009 17:20

What is wrong with that twat DP of yours? Is he afraid his DS will turn out to be gay? Or turn into a girl? Tell him to relax, take deep breaths, and stop being silly.

Original poster

ChickandDuck · 25/11/2009 17:29

I think it's just the way he was brought up, and he thinks I'm soft .

Nothing to do with him turning out gay though he'd be the same with a girl.

I think because most people we encounter don't seem to 'approve', I guess they (and he) see it a bit like having a dummy?

OP posts:

seeker · 25/11/2009 17:36

My 13 year old still sleeps with her bear every night, and my 8 year old bought a new outfit (black skinny jeans, white t shirt and Converses) for his a couple of weeks ago.

Practically every Cub at Cub Camp brings a bear and they are all over 7!

mathanxiety · 25/11/2009 17:44

There's usually a fear involved when a father accuses the mother of being "soft" with a boy. Or an element of being unhappy with himself and how he perceives his performance, and anxiety that the DS will not be toughened up enough to meet the challenges of manhood if he is allowed to be a "baby" beyond a certain rather arbitrary age.

Tinuviel · 25/11/2009 18:45

DS2 is 9 and still has 'bedtime bear'!! He hasn't taken him out for a few years now but did take him on holiday till last year.

This bear is small, old, smelly, scruffy, falling to bits, misshapen, has been repaired, and has a baggy bottom! But he is still very much loved and DS2 would be heartbroken if anyone suggested getting rid of him.

exbrummie · 25/11/2009 19:24

I'm glad to see there are other 12 year olds with bears etc. Ds is 12 and still has his bear called Rory(so called because bears roar!)He hides him when his mates come round but there's always a mad search for him at bedtime.

pigletmania · 25/11/2009 19:34

No your ds is not too old and anyone who suggests this needs their head read. I know a few grown ups, my dear friend who is 31 who still takes her tatty old teddy to bed, and no she does not have SN, she is a radio presenter for SKY travel. Your son is still only young, let him have his bear as long as he wants, i wish that my dd 2.8 years had a bear instead of the dreaded bottle and dummy to bed which we will have to ditch when she turns 3 in March.

carocaro · 25/11/2009 19:50

DS1 is nearly 8 and his Pooh Bear is still a big part of his life, in bed every night, when ill, on long car journeys, when sad/fed up.

He would be horrified if his friends knew, but then I know that most of his friends have the same sort of bear/cuddly toy.

DS2 is nearly 3 and Pingu is part of the family.

we put them in the washing machine together when they are really dirty and smell, they love it, my DS's that is!

Take him shopping fro some new clobber!

TamsinToo · 25/11/2009 19:51

YANBU. My 9 year old DS1 had a whole selection of 'teddies' as he calls them.

In fact I had mini panic when he announced this year that for his class presetation topic he was going to do it on 'his teddies' This would mean him doing a two minute talk to a clas of 20 boys (it's an all boys school) on his teddies. I had visions of him being bullied for ever more and was intesely relieved when he decided to do it on 'my holiday to Spain. However I do think it's sweet because it shows he has a caring side and doesn't feel embarassed to show it.

Original poster

ChickandDuck · 25/11/2009 19:52

mathanxiety - he just thinks I'm soft about everything

Have told DP about our planned shopping trip tomorrow and actually his only grumble was 'great more money on Christmas, this time a present for bear' he's a scrouge!

Think he might call me a loon on Christmas Day, but he thinks I'm a loon if I cook a dinner that includes lentils

OP posts:

pranma · 25/11/2009 20:19

YANBU my dgd[8]has a little stocking for her 'dolly' baby toy and why not?

rookiemater · 25/11/2009 20:28

YANBU DS is 3 3/4 and has a moose called Marvin that he takes everywhere. He would be distraught if he was parted from him and I'm sure I read somewhere that it was a good thing if DCs had special comforters as it helped with their confidence and self development.

Bit worried though as Marvin is the worse for wear, we can't find an identical one and am thinking about going to The Bear Factory to see if we could get him restuffed as he isn't going to last another 4 years.

Sassybeast · 25/11/2009 20:31

YANBU - all mine have special comforters - smelly, ugly and tattered but still special

Blu · 25/11/2009 20:38

DS, 8, loves his bear, and all his friends who come for sleepovers bring their bears / sheep etc, too.

In fact Bear has his own Christmas Stocking and gets a choc father christmas every year.

Boo to anyone who is mean-minded, unimaginative and judgemental enough to be cats bum about small children and thier beloved stuffed animals - how very ignorant of them!

ilovemydogandmrobama · 25/11/2009 20:40

bear bed

PANCHEY · 25/11/2009 21:19

Sorry have not read the thread but, my DD1 still has her bib, she is now 4. She takes in to pre-school and it stays in her bag. I let her take it with her when she is not at pre-school. She has lost it previously and we go on a special shopping trip for her to choose another pack.

I also had a cuddly, and slept with it until I was about 8 or 9. I just grew out of it. I am sure that that my DD1 and your LO will do the same in time. It is likely to be worse to make them give it up before they are ready than to just indulge it.

Stigaloid · 25/11/2009 21:26

My brother is 35 and still has his teddy from when he was a baby on the spare bed in his house. It is proudly displayed and much loved. I still have my bear but my son currently likes to play with it so have handed it over to him.

dinkystinky · 25/11/2009 21:34

OP - I think my DS1 is the same age as your DS1 - and he's still very much attached to his soft toy pingu and soft lion cushion who sleep with him at night time - so much so that when we go away anywhere for the night they have to come with us or there is nocturnal hell to pay... so I dont think your DP is right in saying that now is the time for your DS to be growing out of his bear... and to be honest, I think DS1 got more attached to his pingu and lion when his little brother came along (as he liked pointing out that mummy sleeps with DS2 and he sleeps with pingu and rah the lion to stop them crying at night time too) so there is absolutely no way I would be trying to separate him from his little toy friends now.

I think the idea of buying new christmas clothes for your DS' bear is very cute - though beware, my parents did this for my little sister one christmas and the following year she was asking for an advent calendar and stocking for her bear too

RustyBear · 25/11/2009 21:35

The real Rusty Bear sits in his chair on my bedside table - he has been an important part of my life since my mum made him for me to take to school in my pocket on my first day, 48 years ago, so choosing a Mumsnet name was easy...

DS's Clinton went to university and back every term for three years.

dawntigga · 25/11/2009 21:37

Erm, I still have my bear so I think you should let him have his.

StillLovesEdwardTiggaxx

ShellingPeas · 25/11/2009 21:41

My DH still has his bear Brumba and he's 47 in December! (Not that he sleeps with it still asfaik, as he has me now .)

Both my DCs have transitional objects and still sleep with them. My DD (7) has Teddy and DS (10) has a panda and a whale. While DD has had flu over the last week Teddy has been everywhere with her.

Plumm · 25/11/2009 21:45

DH's old teddy bear is best friends with DD's teddy bear.

BikiniBottom · 25/11/2009 21:49

I haven't read through this so sorry if repetitive but I really don't see the problem. He is only a little boy, of course indulge him. My dh kept his special cuddly and so did I. They are precious memories for us now.

feedthegoat · 25/11/2009 21:52

My ds has two build a bear teddy bears and we rarely leave the house without one of them.

Usually the army green camoflauge bear complete with soldier outfit. I did my best to talk ds out of it but it was his birthday present from his great grandma and they both thought he should choose his own bear!

He usually insists I take it (or should I say 'Benny', I'd be in trouble for calling him it!) to meet him from preschool. I think it is sweet and definately would let him have clothes. Benny and Eddie actually have their own wardrobe for keeping their outfits at ours.

pointydogg · 25/11/2009 22:02

ONly read op. Buy the bear clothes, buy them! What fun.

No, he is not too old to get an outfit for his bear.

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