to be upset at parents not coming to my children's naming day

[Knownowt]

We're having a party to celebrate my children's naming day on Saturday. It's not a huge event- just having the "god"parents and their families and our respective families round for drinks and nibbles and a couple of speeches/readings.

My mum's just called to say that she and my dad won't be coming because they're too busy- they need to get a (non-urgent) repair to the car and my dad wants to do some DIY, so they can't spare the time (it's about 1.5h drive each way).

She then remembered that she'd promised to collect some presents from me to give to my Granny and suggested that she comes without my dad, on the train, to collect the presents instead. I said I could easily post them, to which she replied "oh good, no need to come at all then".

I just find it very odd. They're only late 50s and in good health, we have a good relationship and they are besotted with the children...it's odd not to come, isn't it? Can only assume they don't realise it's a big deal to me but I don't want to talk them into it- if they don't want to come I don't want to make them.

Call me old fashioned, but I get the sense if you were having a christening at a church etc, they would be there, Naming day just does not sound right to me, they need to rename it to something more regal I feel.

Is this a baptism or something or are you just celebrating actually giving your child a name rather than calling it boy or ug or female or something else?

YANBU - I take it that you are not religouse and therefore not going down the route of baptism/ christening.

I think that your parents should respect your 'naming ceremony' and come along .

I do suggest that you try and talk to your parents about the way you feel otherwise it will fester and then explode evatually into a big barny when you least expect it to !

I dont think yabu.. they are being thoughtless.. maybe you need to tell them what it means to you.

We're not religious- hence no christening- but we think the godparent/godchild relationship can be a really valuable one (hence wanting to give our children someone in that role) and we wanted to have a celebration.

It may be that they'd take a christening more seriously, I don't know.

Yes, I think this is pretty rude, and I agree with others that it's because they don't really understand what you are doing or why. I hope so, anyway, because otherwise they are being REALLY rude, if they understand what this is and are still being so offhand!

I think you need to ring them up and say that you were really hoping to see them there and that you are feeling a bit sad that they are not coming (I wouldn't go into their reasons for not coming). You could even ask if they would have attended if it had been a baptism, in a non-accusatory way?

Just because it doesnt have a religious tag.. does not mean it should be any lass important or special. You need to tell them this is a special day and you would like them there as greandparents.

Do they realise what you mean by a naming ceremony?

Have to say, that I didn't until I went to one a few years ago.

i.e. that it was a non-religious baptism- sort of[ smile]

Difficult one. But I dont think they are being awkward; It seems that they just think a 'naming day' dosent really have much significance compared to a christening.

I think that there needs to be an equivalent term for godparent in non-religious naming ceremonies because it makes them sound inauthentic: not religious but 'godparent'. People might not take it 'seriously' when it sounds like a play on religion without religious commitment.

YANBU. Your parents need to realize that the symbolism of the ceremony is as significant to you as a christening for religious families. I think the terminology of 'naming ceremonies' removes any serious meaning: 'the child has a name, what's the point?' some people might think. A celebration of the arrival of the child/celebration of the creation of the family suits it better. My friends recently had a 'commitment ceremony' and used terms like 'bride' 'groom' and 'wedding': many people thought they were ridiculous to call it by traditional terms yet do it in an unconditional way. You are doing what is right for you and your parents should respect you for this.

Try to explain to your parents the significance of their presence.

fucking families, eh?

What happens at a naming day? Is it really of any significance? Or is it just basically a party at home?

what choosyfloosy said. Are they religious ? Is it a protest that you aren't having a Christening ? Otherwise possibly just thoughtlesness/lack of understanding of what a naming ceremony is.

My friend has had naming parties for all her 3 DCs and they were lovely. Guests wrote their wishes for the child in a special book, and people made short speeches.

Please let us know how you got on

as I said I think it is that, if I said "Naming Day" to my mum she would be like "oh thats nice" but a Chritening sounds formal, majestic and unmissable etc..

you just need to explain to your folks that a "naming day" has the same meaning as the other versions, and it is an important day for you

Yes it may be that they think it's just some sort of get together for you and some friends? I don't think there could be any harm in you telling them that actually this is an important day for you and you would like it if they could be there. Maybe you haven't made that clear enough? It's easy sometimes to think we have said stuff that we haven't really. Have you just rung people or sent out invitations? Did your parents get one if you did?

I think in a civil ceremony the 'godparent' role is named 'sponsor' - but I could be wrong.

I think that they are called "adult supporters" or some such.

I think that the parents haven´t taken the OPs feelings into account.

But I can also see it from the point of view of the parents.

Not necessarily that it isn´t religious,but that it perhaps to them isn´t really anything apart from a party.

Squishabelle, it's of significance to us. It's not an official thing in any way, obviously.

yanbu, but don't stew over it

give them a ring and let them know how much it means to you, how much you want them there - otherwise they will never know or understand.

vivia - ours are called the kid's ungodlyparents, apart from one who says she is their sweary godmother.

Squishabelle Naming ceremonies are significant in that they are a way of welcoming a child to the world - the family and friends. They can be very informal - a party - or with formal elements (speeches), or with a celebrant to conduct a more formal ceremony.

Vivia, we don't call them godparents IRL- I just used that as a shorthand on here

Oh so you're not having a formal ceremony? I thought you were having the registrar etc. Of course informal at home is just as significant - it's just that the couple of naming days I've been to have been civil ceremony type things with a party after.

In that case though I think even more that your parents just think this is a 'get together' for you and your 'kiddie' friends!!!

I am an AtheistMother

I'd be upset if it were my parents in your position. Have they previously said they would come and have now changed their minds? If so, that's rude. If not, how long have they known about the party? They haven't given you much notice to cancel unless they have assumed it is just a very causal affair.

TBH, if it were my mum I'd tell her I was upset and explain why. It may be that they don't understand the significance of a naming day (I'm not sure mine would unless it was explained to them it was a sort of secular christening).

Yeah, they probably don't realise its significance. Tell them, and if that doesn't work, tell them how excited your in-laws are about the occasion.

My Ds has a Godlessfather...