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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother and his wife aren't very practical....

49 replies

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 09:37

It's my niece's 1st birthday next week and we have just been informed that her party - which they are holding in a restaurant - will start at 6pm!! My DS is almost 11 months and normally goes to bed at 7.30.

There are at least 20 going and it's a sit-down meal so once everyone has faffed about with the ordering, this meal could take at least 3 or so hours. AIBU to think that this isn't fair on the the babies (actually, more my baby as his doesn't have a routine and goes to bed at all sorts of times). I know I'm all PFB, but still. What kind of eejit starts a baby's party in the evening.

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 25/11/2009 09:38

I would leave DS with a babysitter.

HumphreyCobbler · 25/11/2009 09:39

It does seem very odd, presumably your niece won't mind so it hasn't occurred to them that other children might have a problem with it. I couldn't have taken ds to a party like that at this age, although dd would have managed fine.

MrsMellowdrummer · 25/11/2009 09:42

To be honest there's never a good time of day to have a one year old's party. Different babies nap at different times don't they. You really just have to go with what suits your own schedule, and hope for the best ime.

Also parties for one year olds are mainly about the grown ups anyway aren't they - a chance for family/friends to get together and celebrate. I think it sounds nice - I would have taken my one year olds to that sort of thing, but then mine both had late bedtimes at that age (and copious naps in the day!).

Stigaloid · 25/11/2009 09:43

Not practical. Don't go. It is only a 1st birthday party and your niece won't notice or care.

VinegarTits · 25/11/2009 09:43

Sounds like the party is more for them than the kid, are they a bit pretentious?

Normal folk would hire one of the those soft play areas for a hour in the afternoon, i never heard of having a party for a 1 yr old in a resturant at 6pm

Having said that, it wouldnt do your kid any harm to go to bed a bit later for one evening, its no big deal is it

castille · 25/11/2009 09:43

1st birthdays are overrated. The child won't remember it so it is perfectly all right to hold an essentially adult celebration of the first year of their baby's life.

I'd get a babysitter, then go and enjoy the evening out.

LowLevelWhingeing · 25/11/2009 09:44

YANBU at all, but it's your brother's problem really isn't it. I totally agree that a sit down meal at that time with babies is no fun at all. If I were you I'd be letting him know that you will possibly have to whisk your DS off to bed before the end of the meal, for everyone's sake!

LoveBeingAMummy · 25/11/2009 09:46

My mums birthday this year we went out for a meal, dd was about 15mths then and it started at 6pm, we were home for 8:20pm and dd went stright to bed. No problems, she just ahd an extra nap that day.

If you don't want to go don't.

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 09:48

I don't have a babysitter (apart from MiL but can't leave with her as would be overnight) I also want DS to be at his cousin's party, just think 6pm is an odd time to start it. Part of me thinks it's just a one off and I should go with the flow, if DS falls asleep in there then we can put him in his buggy and it should be fine, but part of me thinks my brother is selfish for suiting himself rather than the kids. We are also travelling to go to this and staying in a hotel and I'm kind of pissed off that DS will probably sleep through most of it. If he'd had it at, say, 2pm, then we could be there for a good few hours before having to go or DS falling asleep.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 25/11/2009 09:50

Get a babysitter and leave your kid's at home? Might be a nice break.

1st birthdays are totally and cringingly PFB-ish anyway. It's all for the adults, isn't it? Might as well go and have a meal and some wine, rather than endure fairy cakes and party games that the child is too young to care about.

cory · 25/11/2009 09:53

MrsMellowDrummer makes a good point: all 1yos nap at different times. Mine would have been bright and chirpy after their afternoon nap and quite happy to join the party. But a party at 2 o'clock would present more difficulties (not insurmountable). Your ILs can't possibly know what time your lo goes to sleep.

The other thing is, it is actually quite good to get children used to going to sleep in their buggies. We used to travel a lot when dcs were little- took 1yo dd on the train to Berlin (17 hrs there, 17 hrs back), and it was good training. Also spent a fair bit of time abroad where children are automatically invited to grownup dos (they just fall asleep under the table). Never seemed to cause many upsets.

I'd go, but take your lo's sooting blanket/dummy/buggy/favourite toy- anything that might settle them.

squashimodo · 25/11/2009 09:54

YANBU.
I would be annoyed because this would be eating into my evening when dc are hopefully in bed and I can have a little peace in the evening, why would I want to spend that with rellies. But that is just my sad life
I have never been to a child's birthday party in the evening, agree fancy dinner just for them, not for the baby.

SixtyFootDoll · 25/11/2009 09:55

How ridiculous!

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 09:58

I said to my brother why couldn't he get an earlier start, and my mum was too but he said that his DD can sleep longer in the afternoon - like he knows this will happen. I think I am pissed with him in general as it is all about them and showing off rather than the baby. No 1 year old will benefit from a birthday party in a restaurant. DH is pissed off too as they have left it this late to give us the true details and the hotel is booked etc. I feel like just cancelling.

OP posts:
gladders · 25/11/2009 09:59

i do think you are being a little bit PFB about this?

it's a one off - order your ds's food as soon as youa rrive and make sure he has enough nibbles and toys to keep him happy? if you need to, you can always take him for a little stroll in his buggy to get him to sleep? you can put him in a quiet corner to sleep while you have your food?

if you're really that unhappy then don't go but i think a family meal is quite a nice way to celebrate a baby's first birthday - sounds quite civilised and there will be lots of rellies who nwill be happy enough to take your ds while you eat?

jasper · 25/11/2009 09:59

It's completely their call what time they have their child's party.
It's your call whether you go or not

castille · 25/11/2009 10:00

Your 11mo really won't know or care that he's at a party.

And expecting them to organise their party to suit your DS is a bit much, particularly as you say there are 20 guests (presumably all adults apart from your DS and the birthday girl) so he has arranged it to suit the overwhelming majority, including his own DD. Which is fair enough, IMO

MinkyBorage · 25/11/2009 10:01

I think yabu, I don't blame your db and sil for making the most of the time when they can celebrate their dcs b'day how they want to, at 1yo, the child doesn't care or notice.
I wouldn't think twice about disrupting your babies routine, it's fun sometimes to do different things, however, if that's too much like hard work, then get a babysitter and enjoy the night out! I think you are being a bit pfb tbh, but we all are first time around, and don't realise it until it's too late. Enjoy the party, let you dc sleep in buggy. My ds 7 months is dc3 and basically has to fit in with his older sisters. Doesn't do him any harm imo.

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 10:02

You are all right that I shouldn't expect my brother to suit it to my DS, but he should suit it to his DD - but I know my brother, and he has arranged it to suit himself.

On the other hand, DS falling asleep in a buggy won't harm him either as a one off.

OP posts:
Morloth · 25/11/2009 10:03

1st birthday parties are always about the adults rather than the kids. Nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with having it at a restaurant.

You are being a bit PFB, don't go if your DS needs to stick to his routine, but don't knock them for not having one.

We certainly didn't and it made life a million times easier for us.

Firawla · 25/11/2009 10:03

some peoples babies stay up really late! personally i find it impractical @ that time too but as theirs isn't in a routine they probably just didn't think
its their party they can have @ the time they want how they want, but if you're unable to go then just explain to them your child has a fixed bedtime and finds it difficult to stay up too late
im sure ur ds would be okay as a one off staying up a bit later, but if you're not happy with it and feel it will mess things up for his routine too much then jst apologise that u cant come, and stay @ home

MinkyBorage · 25/11/2009 10:03

omg, you actually asked your db to get an earlier start? lol, you are really going to cringe about this in a year or so!

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 10:04

Yeah, maybe I am being a bit PFB. My brother is still a tit though.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 25/11/2009 10:07

Your brother is selfish for doing a party that suits him and his family and not thinking about yours

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 25/11/2009 10:09

Minky, the reason my brother's DD has no routine is because more often than not, they only have her 4 nights a week, my mum and dad have her the rest of the week as he and my SiL "work" - which isn't strictly true as they are mostly out on the piss and using my parents as a free babysitting service. There's probably more to it. I think I'm a bit pissed off that they can't be arsed to look after their DD and are always loading it all on my parents, but are all OTT at her birthday and expecting everyone to fit around them as always.

OP posts: