To think my brother and his wife aren't very practical....

[Bambinoloveseggbirds]

It's my niece's 1st birthday next week and we have just been informed that her party - which they are holding in a restaurant - will start at 6pm!! My DS is almost 11 months and normally goes to bed at 7.30.

There are at least 20 going and it's a sit-down meal so once everyone has faffed about with the ordering, this meal could take at least 3 or so hours. AIBU to think that this isn't fair on the the babies (actually, more my baby as his doesn't have a routine and goes to bed at all sorts of times). I know I'm all PFB, but still. What kind of eejit starts a baby's party in the evening.

Well, Love, maybe the two aren't compatible. Perhaps there are other people who couldn't manage the earlier time. Or perhaps he thinks this is the time when his dd is likely to be at her best.

It sounds like they're using 1st birthady as an opportunity for family to get together and celebrate, which what they are, 1st birthdays are not about the babies, they don't give a toss.

babies routines clashing when plans are made is just a hazard of parenting, you need to either go with the flow once in a while and forget the routine, or say you can't go.

You can't howvere expext everyone to organise thier plans around your routine.

I was very routine obsessed when Ds1 was a baby, and missed things because of it whch I now regret, I wish i'd just gone with the flow a bit more and realised that if I broke the routine 'Nothing bad would happen all would be OK.'

Also, 6.00 sounds like an early start for a meal so sounds like they have tried to accpmodate children, maybe thinking 'they can slip off by 8.00ish then only half hour late for bed'??

Don't go but do invite them round to your house for tea/cakes, lunch

I think you shouldn't go because you really don't sound like you like them very much.

Baroness, you are right and I don't want to cancel as there will be more times that DS will need to break away from his routine such as travelling, as a previous poster has pointed out. I think I am mainly pissed off at my brother in general. He shouldn't suite his DD's party to my DS' routine, but I still know that he has suited it to himself only. I would bet my bottom dollar that my parents or SiL's parents end up taking DD home from the party so they can carry on drinking.

Well if that is what they enjoy, and your parents are willing to let them do it, then let them get on with it.

obviously you choose to do tings differently, and that's ok too, but all this resentment about how they live their life is only going to make you bitter, and bitterness is never a good look.

Breathe deeply, and let it go.......

[and then counsel me to do the same with my infuriating SIL]

Will it matter if SILs parents take the dd away from the party when she's had enough and is ready to go to bed? Will it make her unhappy? Probably not. She gets a party, and if the adults then carry on partying it won't hurt her, will it?

There is no rule that grownups can't enjoy themselves because they have children.

You are all right. I am being a twat really. I'll keep my thoughts to myself, go and play it by ear. If DS gets really grizzly then I'll just take him back to the hotel.

Now stop that, no one called you a twat.

You are lurching from bitterness to feeling sorry for youtself.

It's irrating and inconvenient for you, but it'll be OK.

My new strategy for stopping me getting wound up by others, is to shrug.

it really does work, it make you realise most of this stuff never really matters too much and you can let it go.

try it.

YABU and yes really quite pfb about this, 6pm is early for a restaurant meal and I expect your bro actually booked this with you in mind.

this is not really about the birthday party is it? this is about your brother and SIL and they way they are choosing to bring up their daughter (and in your eyes palm her off on your parenst all the time)

agree with the baroness - have a cup of tea and take a deep breath.

if your parents are happy with the set up, and their child is healthy and happy, then it's working for all concerned. their parenting style is very different to yours but that's ok.

that they have now chosen a party option you don't like was fairly predictable? if you can go with the flow and have fun (and let ds sleep in his buggy) then do - if that's a problem then i think you'd really be happier staying at home?

It is a silly time, but maybe they are doing it then so that people who work can enjoy it too. Kids in my DDs class at school (nursery) have their parties at 5 - 7pm (usually on a friday), which is great when you've got 2 or more DCs as it is potentially possible for one parent to look after the other DCs, whilst the other parent takes the child who's friend it is. The only problem is that all the kids are in bits for days afterwards as a result of tiredness.
YAB a bit U, it IS their party. If I were you I would go for an hour, and then make your excuses if you are that worried about your DSs bedtime.

I like the sound of that gin.

It is about the way they are treating my parents I think, as I get chapter and verse from my mother. I did tell her that if she was fed up being dumped on that she should say no, but you know what some oldies are like - they do love a bit of martyrdom. I still think it's a silly time but I'm chilling out a bit now and DS won't combust if he misses normal bed time . Thank you all for a bit of perspective.

Relax a little. It won't hurt your DC to have a sleep in the buggy or stay up a bit late. Make sure your hotel is near the restuarant so you can walk the sleeping baby home (and have a few glasses of wine.

It does seem clear that it's not SO much just this party time that is irritating you but the way they are parenting and the amount of help they get. Which is understandable. Everyone's different - to me, it IS odd to have the child 'taken away' from their first birthday party so you can carry on drinking. It's not exactly what strikes me as very classy behaviour. Does anyone remember Kate Moss's 3 day 'bender' for her daughter's "christening"??!! So if that is needling you because you are convinced that's what will happen, I can understand that.

But at the same time, you cannot change them or what your parents do for them. Personally I'd go along, and leave when you need to. People may say "don't be wedded to your routine, he won't combust!" BUT you know your own child. With my ds we knew that bedtime was THE one fixed point that could not be changed; he simply got over tired and we paid for it big time if he did. So don't feel bad if you need to get him in bed.

When ds was around the same age, my FIL had a dinner at a VERY posh buzzy London restaurant on a Saturday night and made it clear he wanted us to attend, with ds. I harrumphed and squeaked no end and in the end decided to go, secretly hoping ds would whinge and cry and upset other diner,s to prove my point that it was too late for a baby. But he loved it. Sat up for a while nibbling bread then fell asleep in my arms while I sat with delicious food and wine. The waiters could not have been sweeter and more welcoming, and Angus Deayton of all people was sitting at another table and complimented me on having a cute baby when we were leaving at the end of the night.

and then he went of to snort coke and shag prostitutes. haha.

YABU.

I badly need to get back to work. I have far too much thinking time to get wound up over this kind of crap. I do at most some of their parenting choices, but it's their choice. They question my choices too as my DB couldn't believe I put DS to bed at the same time every night - and before 8pm . But hey, I will listen to MN wise words, go and see what happens. DS might love all the attention, or he might have some ice cream and go to sleep.

DH said that if DS gets too grizzly, he would take DS back to the hotel and put him to bed and I can stay if I wanted (AKA: DH trying to get out of family do). We'll see. Gosh, I am such a first time mum cliche - I am also worrying whether there will be nuts in the birthday cake .

I can't ever remember getting stressed about nuts. DD fed my DT's her Crunchie Nut cornflakes when they were about 6 months so I knew they weren't allergic

i think we are all cliches as fist time mums tbh? as a seocnd time mum you are much more relaxed and wonder what all the fuss was about.

it sounds like you're going to give it a go - so go along with an open mind. 6 is quite an early start so if you skip dessert (not unreasonable) you could be out of there by 8.30 even if people take an age to order? if you encourage your ds to take a long afternoon nap that should be fine as a one-off?

seriously though - nuts? you are overanalysing this.

hmm, maybe your thinking is right for some but not for all, gladders - my best friend has 3, and the third is her 'can't miss bedtime even by ten minutes' baby! Nothing to do with her being better/more relaxed as a mum. Some kids just don't do changes to routine!