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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish that my friend would agree to disagree for the sake of our friendship ?

33 replies

MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:02

I have been friends with this person since childhood.

As adults, our lives took completely different paths. I met xp and had children whilst working in low paid part time jobs, and she went to uni and made a career and doesn't currently have children.

After being with xp for 10 years, we split. I am now on benefits and looking for work.

My friend absolutly hates me being on benefits, she thinks that it means I have alot more money than her, and get to do what I like all day every day. She constantly critiscies me for not applying for jobs which she thinks I should and doesn't listen when I explain that I couldn't apply because I couldn't do the required hours or whatever.

She has just been away for 2 weeks and the minute she got back she was emailing me again going on and on about how she is broke and how lucky I am.

I have said several times, that I think we should just agree to disagree and yet she carries on. AIBU to think she just just leave the subject alone ??

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 23/11/2009 13:05

YANBU, but she's a 'friend' that you can do without I think.

itsmeolord · 23/11/2009 13:06

Sometimes you have to realise that friendships can't last forever.

She is not your friend, you have moved on, she has moved on, block her email and find other people to socialise with who won't critiscise you for things that you cannot control.

There is a huge difference between caring constructive critiscism and bitching.

TheCrackFox · 23/11/2009 13:06

I think you should find a better class of friend.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:07

Yes i think you are right. She has always been like this and I think it is really starting to wear thin.

If it wasn't this she was disagreeing with me about it would be something else.

I just hate that she is so bloody judgemental. There are things I disgaree with about her life but i'd not dream of saying so because it isn't any of my business.

OP posts:
FabioTwitterCat · 23/11/2009 13:09

I would wind her up a treat.
Invent benefits and tell her you get them.
Like 'Winter Ski Allowance' and 'Single Parent Caviar Payments'.

She will either shut up or explode.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:09

Sorry, should have said, I can't cut her off completely because my dad and her parents are very good friends/neighbours.

I think from now on I will just stop contacting her full stop and if she emails me I will just reply with chit chat about the kids.

We normally go out for a meal before xmas, only a £5 thing, but she has made a point of saying that she can't afford to.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:09

Lol Fabio, I can safely say she'd explode with rage.

OP posts:
FabioTwitterCat · 23/11/2009 13:10

Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:12

She'd look it up just to prove me wrong lol.

I would have thought from my replies, that she'd know by now that her going on and on about it really pisses me off, but apparently not.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/11/2009 13:15

Maybe you could suggest she go off and get her self pregnant as it obviously guarantees you the life of riley living on these amazingly generous benefits and doing nothing all day long !!! I think she is possibly jealous of your DC and has a case of grassisgreeneritis

kreecherlivesupstairs · 23/11/2009 13:16

If she's getting on your tits that much, and she sounds a real charmer, drop her. The fact that your parents are friends with hers is neither here nor there.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:19

She is actually having trouble getting pregnant and may have to have ivf. I think that is partly why she is so angry with me.

I can't claim to know how difficult she is finding that as I have not been in that position, but then she has never been in mine either.

I do cut her alot of slack because of the fertility thing, but I think she is pushing it now tbh.

OP posts:
itsmeolord · 23/11/2009 13:22

If you can't drop her completely then keep all contact non-committal.

So ignore any nasty comments and keep it to light chatter,don't give her any details about your life either.
It is not your fault she can't conceive and you don't have to be the one to put up with her being a cow because of it.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 13:33

Yes, I think that is the best course of action.

It's a shame, but I just can't continue as things are. Her emails make me feel so worthless.

OP posts:
mumof2222222222222222boys · 23/11/2009 13:58

My parents were very friendly with another couple whose daughter was at school with me. I never got on with the daughter who was a complete stirring bitch and have hardly seen her since I was 15ish. My Dad is still friendly with the couple. and their friendship has gone on for about 30 years, and after my mum died, they were brilliant and when I got married, the mother was almost "mother of the bride". She was incredibly helpful.

the fact that I don't speak to her daughter is perhaps a shame?? but it doesn't affect our relationship.

I would drop your "friend"; she sounds most peculiar.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 14:39

Well after yet another email slagging off benefits claiments (although she doesn't mean me of course), I have emailed back yet again saying that I don't want to talk about it anymore and if she can't agree to disagree and drop it then I don't see the point of emailing.

She had the nerve to say that I seem to feel like I need to justify myself to her. Erm yes because you are constantly on my case.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/11/2009 14:41

Change email address! Or just ignore her for a while, maybe a bit of space will make her see she has been unreasonable or you may realise that life is more pleasant without her.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 14:44

Oh I think she will more than likely get the hump now anyway and not reply.

It's not even like I cannot see her point of view, I can, I am just sick of her going on and on about it and making it look like I have never done a days work in my life.

OP posts:
McSnail · 23/11/2009 14:52

Quote: "My friend absolutly hates me being on benefits, she thinks that it means I have alot more money than her, and get to do what I like all day every day."

The people I know who are on/have been on benefits are/were pretty poor. What's to be annoyed/jealous about? It's not exactly a fancy-free and hedonistic/Brideshead Revisited lifestyle, is it?

McSnail · 23/11/2009 14:53

Apologies for the over-use of the 'slash' mark...

missingtheaction · 23/11/2009 14:55

if she has a career and no children why is she so broke? how come she is more broke than a single mum living on benefits?

RorysRacingMa · 23/11/2009 14:56

Rofl Fabio - love the idea of a Winter Ski Allowance. Do you think there might be a Single Parents Pampering Day Special as well.

BalloonSlayer · 23/11/2009 14:59

Rofl here too Fabio.

How about also:

Lone Parents' Spa Day Voucher
Teenage Mothers' Clothing Allowance
Working Vodka Credits

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 23/11/2009 15:05

Well that is a good question missinginaction.

She has a mortgage but as far as I know it is not a huge one. She said she earns around £30000 a year and her hubby about 18000.

But then they did spend £17000 on their wedding last year. They also socialise alot I think.

In one breath she is telling me she cannot afford our cheapy xmas meal out and then tells me that for her hubby's birthday she is paying for them to eat at one of Rick Steins resturants.

I think that is fab, they work hard, why shouldn't they splash out. Just don't whinge at me that you are broke and then liken it to being on benefits, cos it's not.

OP posts:
MumOfMadTwo · 23/11/2009 16:55

Cut her out, you don't need to hear that from her, life on benefits is not all roses and she probably thinks.

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