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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that news items like this may be where the social snobbery comes from?

60 replies

OooohWhatAFuss · 23/11/2009 08:58

This is not a rant about 'Why have other people got more than me', just something that got me thinking... Watching BBC breakfast this morning about companies that allow you to pay all year then get stuff for Christmas, like Fairpack who went bust a few years ago. A couple were talking about their experiences and how they used this service because they were low income and did not trust themselves not to spend the money on other stuff if they had it in a savings account. Fair enough, a good way of making sure you have the Christmas you want. The report then went on to say that a hamper of fresh fruit/veg from this company would cost over £38 but in the supermarket would cost around £13, so this family are losing out in a major way even though they are trying to budget their money. Was starting to feel bad for this couple who were so obviously trying to be careful with money. BUT THEN it went on to say 'this couple spent £400 on presents for their children, but could have saved £100 on the high street'. I know that people of all incomes can choose to spend money on whatever they like but seriously, in what world does anyone spend £400 on presents for their children at Christmas?? IMHO reports like these will contribute hugely to the view that is so often reflected on MN, that people on low incomes or who claim benefits seem to have more disposable income than you would think. The report was showing how people with limited finds can buy goods by saving throughout the year, a positive message to put across to stop the snobbery about people in different income brackets being able to afford more/less than they 'should' be able to, however was ruined at the end by the message that these people have to save all year to have a nice Christmas day and yet will spend £400 on gifts, more than some of us spend on the whole of Christmas! No wonder people make judgements...

OP posts:
tethersend · 23/11/2009 11:15

redandgreen, they are allowed to be stupid with their money- it's their money.

Surely it's no different to putting money on stocks and shares- yet nobody seems to be judging those who do that?

redandgreen · 23/11/2009 11:31

Losing a grand would be a very big deal for most people so it just seemed a bit odd to me to be using the same type of scheme - there are safer alternatives out there (Post office was mentioned). They kept stressing about not wanting to get in debt.

Nobody's mentioned stocks and shares, if they do I will put my judging hat on.

tethersend · 23/11/2009 11:52

I'm not saying it's not a big deal.... I'm just saying that they are allowed to do what they want with their own money (whilst dcs are getting their needs met), which includes pissing it up the wall. They can make bad decisions.

I referred to stocks and shares as an example in RL, not on this thread. Nobody has mentioned them on this thread (apart from me), it was simply an analogy.

OooohWhatAFuss · 23/11/2009 12:04

STOCKS AND SHARES, STOCKS AND SHARES!!

OP posts:
ilovepiccolina · 23/11/2009 12:08

Can I add something into the mix, about attitudes to money?

On one of the airline programmes an air steward mentioned the different attitudes of people flying out of Manchester and Gatwick. He said that on the way home, the Gatwick bunch were tight careful with their money, but the Mancunians would say "I've got £50 quid left. What have you got?" so they'd sell many more watches, toy planes etc.

This attitude, presumably, is 'I'm skint all year, on holiday I'm going to treat myself!' which might also translate to £400 on a child at Christmas.

Hullygully · 23/11/2009 12:10

The only mistake you and your granddad made was not having his house signed over to one of you years before and thus avoiding this. I hope you get your parents organised in time.

2shoes · 23/11/2009 12:10

still puzzled
so the op knocks people spending money, seems to be against people judging then............judges???
have I missed something

OooohWhatAFuss · 23/11/2009 12:17

I am off to go and buy a 4x4 and start sending my child to private school so I can get on the end of the inverted snobbery in another thread. So ner.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 23/11/2009 12:20

I don't get what the big deal is. It is their money and they can choose to spend it on what they want.

hobbgoblin · 23/11/2009 14:50

don't know what's been said since I opened this thread as I've not refreshed my browser but the reality is the toys that all the kids in the playground have cost hundreds of pounds. DS, Xbox, Playstation, Wii and so on. There surely is some onus on us all to make a stand against the degree of consumerism. If our communities as a whole are not willing to do so then I don't think we can berate those who try to keep up with a clear conscience. Let's face it, a lot of those buying are doing so on the never never. How does that make them any better than those that save the few spare quid a week they have from benefits? And those who can afford it ,how do you feel about setting a precedent that vaste swathes of our compatriates cannot realistically keep up with?

I thought we all recognised the need to lessen the gap between wealth and poverty and this applies to our attitudes as much as it does to the difference between what's in your neighbour's wallet as compared with your own.

LeQueen · 23/11/2009 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameDuBain · 23/11/2009 15:03

Agree with LewisFan - there is such a thing as a savings account that doesn't give you instant access - ideal for saving for christmas. And you get interest instead of getting ripped off. Perhaps the govt could do a simple ad campaign explaining this?

MadameDuBain · 23/11/2009 15:09

And I agree people spend daft amounts of money at xmas, especially on DC - and IME it's not particularly related to social class, I know all sorts who do it and I think they are idiots. Of course it's their choice but I'm entitled to my opinion too! Getting into debt, in order to spoil their DC, giving them massively raised expectations that will in turn get them into debt - daft. Like LeQueen I feel pretty affluent but would never, never spend £100s on xmas presents and I don't think anyone is left feeling deprived.

I was reading Marie Claire today and there was a moaning problem letter from some woman complaining that her DH wasn't good at giving presents and last year she got him a laptop and he just got her one bottle of perfume, how could she make him mend his ways? The answer was all "make a list for him" and "drop hints about what you want" - when it should have been "wtf are you doing buying him a laptop then you twerp, get him some socks and a nice book and accept your perfume with a good grace and you'll both be happy".

Marioandluigi · 23/11/2009 15:14

I always save my Tesco stamps for Christmas, because I too am shit with money. I buy £5 of stamps a week and then by the end of the year have enough for all the food for the Christmas/new year period, plus things like food and chocolates that I buy for Grandparents etc.

But I still dont understand the point of the thread

gagamama · 23/11/2009 15:24

I don't really see what you're getting as. Yes they've paid £400 for presents through this scheme, but as the news item highlighted, it was actually for only £300 worth of presents.

It's entirely up to them though, surely. They've saved all year to have the priviledge of being able to spoil their children at Christmas - it's not like they've just gone and maxed their Mastercard on a whim and are going to have to feed the children on pot noodles for the next 9 months as a result.

I don't see your point at all. Isn't it a bit like saying people shouldn't be paying into pension funds because they shouldn't need extra money when they're retired?!

LeQueen · 23/11/2009 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RollCorpseIntoHedge · 23/11/2009 16:08

How many children did they have?

It is really eaasy to spend £100 each. A main pressie, some new clothes, a book, stocking fillers.

chegirl · 23/11/2009 16:39

I dont get it. They are SAVING all year to spend 400 quid on their children. They are not going out and nicking. They are budgeting in order to do something they want to do.

My kids dont get anything during the year. I dont buy toys, sweets or many clothes. They get it all for Christmas and their birthdays. So I may spend a lot at these times but spread over a year what is £400?

Those on lower incomes have always had to pay more for what they get. Catalogues dont all charge interest but they do ramp up the prices of toys and electrical goods by a good 25% +. Those that offer bargins charge 50% + interests. Getting a loan when you are poor is more expensive (Oakam charge 79%). Its always been the same,since 'lay away' and HP.

So its easy to say 'I wouldnt do it, its false economy' if you have the money not to do it.

I prefer not to use credit and I rarely buy anything full price, let alone above the odds. But I have a car and work part time so I can shop about. If I couldnt do the shopping it would be my OH who isnt mobile. He cant troll about the shops so he would have to buy from places who would deliver etc. Lots of people have these limitations.

Its up to parents what they want to spend, dont want to spend on their kids at Christmas. I dont think anyone should feel morally superior either way.

IMO its just as distasteful for someone to say 'how awful to spend £400 on your children! What is that teaching them' as it is to say 'OMG you dont buy your kids loads of presents! Dont you love them or something?'

MadameDuBain · 23/11/2009 17:01

Chegirl I wouldn't have a problem at all with someone saying "OMG you dont buy your kids loads of presents! Dont you love them or something?" I would think they were a bit sad for equating love with excessive spending, that's all.

chegirl · 23/11/2009 18:27

Its an attitude that seems common where I live. Birthdays and Christmas mean extreme spending, even for the youngest children. I dont like people questioning my choice not to go mad on birthdays etc so I dont think its up to me to tell them they shouldnt splash out.

edam · 23/11/2009 18:34

It's their money which they have saved. What's it to do with anyone else? And what on earth does it have to do with OP's Grandad going into a nursing home?

And FWIW it's not a working class thing. Many of the children in ds's school, very middle class catchment, have lots of very expensive toys. Wii, DS, playstations abound. And several are getting their own computers and TVs for their bedrooms this year (Yr 2).

Ds won't but that's because I am a. skint and b. from Yorkshire.

MadameDuBain · 23/11/2009 18:36

I'm from Yorkshire too edam. Maybe that's the key!

dittany · 23/11/2009 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 23/11/2009 18:46

My auntie who still lives 'back home' tells me Young People Today in God's own country spend all their cash on designer clothes and expensive electronics. Makes me feel very old, apparently that culture of loving a bargain died a death in the consumer boom.

Young Yorkshiremen and women should be down the market getting a thrill out of buying the last box of broken biscuits at a discount, not buying sodding Versace from a shop in Barnsley, FGS!

Morosky · 23/11/2009 18:51

I saw the news article this morning and I think they spent £400 on 2 children which is far more than I would ever spend.

BUT if this couple are saving all year for their Christmas it suggests the children are getting little else all year.

Over a year my dd will have far more than £400 a year spent on her for presents.

I notice on MN that it is wrong to spend a lot of money on presents but somehwow acceptable to spend a fortune on the food with your organic free range turkey and huge gammon joint etc.