AIBU to think that, as the adult GFs of my adult DSs

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

...use my kitchen, my livingroom and my bathroom (actually, a shower room upstairs that I don't venture into), they should take some part in cleaning up after themselves?

goes to tackle pile of dirty crockery currently soaking in kitchen sink

YANBU. You need to set rules that everybody who uses stuff, cleans it.

You aren't a slave. Tell your DS that you expect more input from him and his gf

I've told mine they are leaving home at 18.

My (half-serious) suggestion is that you move. Downsize into something smaller. Give them a few quid for a deposit on their own places. Or don't - just go on a fabulous holiday.

LOL @ go on strike; it's rare that I venture upstairs at all. But when I do, it really bugs the shit out of me to see that it's obviously not seen a vacuum cleaner; the dog is shedding and the floor is quite literally carpeted in dog fur. OK, the dog is "mine", but it's their feet that get coated in it - yet none of them seems to feel the urge to actually switch on and use the vacuum cleaner that's sitting there!

YANBU, but then I've just moved in with my parents with my bf and sleep in late, so Mum's usually home before we're out of bed and does the washing up We do try to do it at least once a day but there's so blooming much of it O_o

I would spell it out to them. I simply did not see mess at this age , I needed someone to give me a kick up the backside.

My parents moved up north to make sure neither of my younger brothers or my grandad moved back in...seriously, my mum did so much work!

I can't really move, unfortunately; the house is rented (and v cheap) and once my lodger and his GF move out in a few weeks, DS2 wants that room for his (DS2's) baby son, who currently sleeps in with DS2 and his GF. They do need the space and there's bugger-all chance of them getting anything else affordable round here atm, so I don't mind at all, and the baby's mum is a lovely girl. I just wish they'd do a spot of vacuuming from time to time. (I'm not the tidiest person myself lol!)

Do you think it's a territorial thing? As in, they think it's my territory and don't want to step on my toes?

''Do you think it's a territorial thing?''

No! They are just lazy and know that if they leave it long enough, you will eventually do it, lol.

Sit thm down and get an agreement with them about what they will do to help with the everyday running.

If they have a child themselves, they should take some responsibility.

It could be that she feels she doens't want to imply you aren't doing enough or she could be oblivious.

I think you need to say to them that they live there too and need to clean up after themselves or will have to find their own place to make a mess in.

Old enough to start a family = old enough to clear up.

FabHasHadHerSurprise, the first part is what I was wondering, yes; I've seen people here be offended when other folk (usually MILs ) step in and do a bit of housework, and it's possible that's what's behind it. I'm hoping that when DS2 and his GF take over the extra space, they'll also take on the extra responsibility. Their wee one will be crawling soon enough, I'm sure she'll not want him covered in dog fur!

Get everybody to pitch in for a cleaner once a week.

letsblowthistacostand, I'd have to tidy up first!

Don't much fancy a stranger in the house, either. I'm odd that way; on the one hand I'd love a cleaner, on the other.... I just couldn't.

Old enough to start a family = old enough to rent their own home.

Use the rent money they pay you to hire a cleaner?

That's the point OLKN! Then once a week the house is tidy AND clean! It is the most wonderful feeling to go out for a few hours and know that you're coming home to a lovely clean house.

Understand what you mean about strangers but seriously once you see your hoovered floors and realize that you haven't had to do it or badger someone else into it you'll be over that.

I think it's to do with living in the family home/with parents. Mum has always been the one to do the washing/cleaning and Dad's always dropped us off places. It's hard while children are still living there to shake the nurturing mother image. You could be obvious and start a rota, pin it on the door and leave them to it

But Chulita, wouldn't a rota mean I'd have to do it too?

I don't actually mind that they don't do the living room, it's the upstairs - their territory - that annoys me. And the stairs themselves, which are also liberally coated with animal fur, and which I can't avoid seeing.

I did clean out their bath room a few weeks ago, it was quite disgusting, and they've kept it up since then, due to pressure from DS2. Maybe if I had the stair/upper hallway carpet professionally cleaned they'd maintain it?

NO, they want to live in your house? you are doing them a favour... tell them it has to be kept clean. End of story.

It has to be their joint responsibility to keep their areas clean.

It's up to them whether gf or ds does it but they should clean their own rooms.

Share cleaning the stairs perhaps i.e. take it in turns.

A cleaner is a good idea and you would soon get used to it, I'm sure. I was soo embarrassed about the state of my house when the cleaner started! It is gradually getting better as I don't have to concentrate on keeping clean but just keep it tidy for her to clean

I don't venture as far as their rooms...

shudders to recall The Last Time

If they are the only ones who use the stairs, don't clean them, whether it bugs you or not Personally think that they should be trying to get their own place as they have their own child!

I know with my dd2 (14) that if I leave the hoover out she soon takes the hint,and dd1 (18) who doesn't stay here very often will help out when she does stay although she doesn't get a chance at her boyfriends as he is ocd about cleaning. just tell them theres the hoover get on with it.

I would tell them that you needed to talk- make it sound quite serious, and say you've had a call from the landlord to say he is coming to inspect the property and will be checking the cleanliness and general upkeep of the property and fixtures and fittings/decor/carpets. Say that your deposit will be docked to bring in professionals if any cleaning is necessary, then mutter darkly about Christmas being cancelled if he charges for anything. Then spell out what is considered a reasonable standard of cleanliness, while throwing in that hoovering and keeping on top of laundry etc is essential for air quality for newborns and babies. Say you'll check when they're done to see if they've missed anything (like you're being helpful), then put your feet up and have a biscuit.

Oh fab idea BOF
If the stairs are that bad they need prof cleaning to get started then how about offering to go halves on the steam cleaning and tell them they'll have to keep it up after that?