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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think people should know that SN kids go to school

39 replies

donkeyderby · 20/11/2009 23:16

Over the years, I have been asked quite a few times what my severely disabled child does during the day. I have to explain that he goes to school, much like any other child, as do all SN kids.

It is always middle class, often educated people who ask me this - what is that about?

Do people think that disabled kids spend all day in hospital or some sort of 'centre', being wheeled from basket-making to sing-song to pureed dinner?

Just interested, as in all honesty, I don't think I realised all disabled children went to school before I had DS

OP posts:
2shoes · 20/11/2009 23:19

oh mate I feel your pain, I am asked so many times if dd goes to school it is unbelievable and when I say yes, they are amazed.

RockBird · 20/11/2009 23:19

You know, I think they probably do think that. All I know is that MN has been such an eye opener for lots of things which is why it is such a valuable resource. I guess unless you've experienced it then you wouldn't really know like a lot of things.

magicOC · 20/11/2009 23:28

They are children after all. Some people just suffer from ignorance.

On a slightly different note, in our local newspaper this year when they had all the new class intake pictures for the various schools in the region, they, for the 1st time ever had the children from the SN school as well.

I thought "about time too", they were having their first day at school just like everyone else.

Original poster
donkeyderby · 20/11/2009 23:28

Rockbird: yes, I think I am a bit gentler on people since I realise now that I was once an SN ignoramous

2shoes - not just me then! I am always trying to think of a witty reply but haven't come up with one yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
donkeyderby · 20/11/2009 23:30

magic - we had those very class pictures in our local rag last week. Not an SN kid in sight.

They are usually magically 'disappeared' from the children's parade pics too

OP posts:
magicOC · 20/11/2009 23:36

I could understand if the individual parent doesn't want their child in the paper (for whatever reason), but, to deny a whole group of kids is really bad.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/11/2009 06:31

I must confess that as a child when the 'special bus' came and collected our neighbour I thought she was going to spend all day watching telly .

mrsjuan · 21/11/2009 07:37

To be honest, until I got a job teaching in one, I didn't really realise that special schools existed . I was really shocked by the severity of some of the children's disabilities (think ventilated on life support machines) & was surprised that they were in school

It was a steep learning curve!

pippa251 · 21/11/2009 07:43

I only knew as I grew up close to a lovley SN school in the middle of the country- I kept asking my mum if I could go there instead as I hated ravelling into town

II used to employ a man with downs in my previous job who went to college- learning life skills etc he absolutley loved it and would pop in on his way home to tell me what he'd learnt- I must admit I didn't know there were SN courses at college

seeker · 21/11/2009 08:08

"They are usually magically 'disappeared' from the children's parade pics too"

Not round here they're not!

SarahSon · 21/11/2009 08:26

I am not wanting to cause a fight so please don't take this the wrong way but how do you expect everyone to know everything? If disability is outside of someones experience then how would they know about school/clubs/sing song? And what is wrong with them askin questions when they do meet a new experience?

I happen to have been bought up with an extended family who works with people with various disabilities but if I hadn't then I would not have had any knowledge at all, not because I would be "ignorant" (in a derogatory sense), just because life didn't work out that way.

If people want to know and understand then they have to ask don't they?

StealthPolarBear · 21/11/2009 08:31

I didn't know children on life support would go to school!

SpodgeMcBiscuit · 21/11/2009 08:57

I can see Sarahsons point about if you don't ask you don't know. And perhaps the persons were genuinly interested in what your DS does and just asked in rather a crass way.

People can be rude about everything when they're curious. I remember when breast feeding someone stared, ages, I just asked if he wanted a try or was he just being rude? In a jokey way.

Re: Your witty reply why not try "Well with the credit crunch on I'm just sending them up the chimneys loads of extra cash!" My mums favorite saying being "Ask a silly question".

sarah293 · 21/11/2009 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 21/11/2009 09:05

Nope, I didn't know this ten years ago - which was the gap between me being at school and the policy of 'inclusion' starting.

There were no children with SN in mainstream schools when I was a lass and I can easily see how the knowledge of this could have passed people my age (37) by.

TotalChaos · 21/11/2009 09:14

. It never crossed my mind that they wouldn't go to school. But then one of my mum's friends had a DD a year older than me who was at a special school, so I suppose I was aware of it in my social circle from an early age.

seeker · 21/11/2009 09:17

I'm with Sarah on this one. I tell my children all the time "If you don't know something, ask!" Why should it be different for grown ups? If it's asked in a rude way, then of course be cross or give a chippy answer, but if it's asked in a friendly I want to know more sort of way, why be the one to be rude?

magicOC · 21/11/2009 09:20

We never had any SNs children at our school either, but, there was one situated about 150yrds from the two primary schools so we always knew.

The first I heard of children being included in mainstream was about 26yrs ago when a little girl with Downs Syndrome went to school with my nephew.

MitchyInge · 21/11/2009 09:22

they don't all go to school though, some parents opt to HE and some go to learning centres that are not mainstream schools and some are in hospital long-term and are educated there so while you wouldn't express surprise that any given child attends school it's not right to say that ALL SN children do

piscesmoon · 21/11/2009 09:23

You have to bear in mind that parents who HE get very annoyed with the assumption that all DCs go to school! I can see that it is annoying, but you can use it as an opportunity to educate people.

itsmeolord · 21/11/2009 09:24

Well, I went to a school that had a school for children with SN next door to us so would always have assumed that all children go to school.
Imagine my surprise when i heard about HE....

sarah293 · 21/11/2009 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MitchyInge · 21/11/2009 09:25

and some go to school part-time, 1 or 2 or 3 days a week and do other things on other days

2shoes · 21/11/2009 09:34

the trouble with people feeling thay have the right to ask........ is that you get it all the time, it isn't just one person asking, staring it is everyday.
be honest wouldn't you get fed up?

seeker · 21/11/2009 09:47

It must be annoying, I agree. But I still don't think that gives people the right to be rude - sorry.

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