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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help me sort my head out about this please MNers

39 replies

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:02

OK i am pretty sure AIBU but i need people to talk it through with me so i can feel OK about it...

My Aunty is getting married she says.. i am so pleased for her. Officially to be engaged at Christmas and then to be getting married later in the year...

Here is the problem i am struggling with...

It is on my sons birthday (her first great nephew/niece)

I don't know if this was a case of, right this day.... oh look it'll be XXX's birthday, or (because she adores him) Oh we must have it on XXX's birthday.

The first one, if that is the case, fair enough i have no problem with that but AIBU to be upset if it was the latter case?

She wants to make him a page boy (it will be his second birthday btw)

I feel upset because if she chose to make it on his birthday... well, that is HIS day, it will be the first time he understands that it is HIS special day (although he prob wont understand the whole concept) And it was the BIGGEST day of my life. I want to shower all my attenton on him on his day.

We will have to travel HUNDREDS of mile (by car!!) to get to her wedding. Like i said i am sure IABU but i just want people to talk it through with me so i can come round quicker. I really am SO pleased she is getting married. She deserves to have a good man in her life. I want her to have that special day... i am just annoyed it is on my DS's birthday.

GO easy on me MN.....

Right, let the flaming begin....

(P.S yes she is aware it it his birthday as she mentioned the fact)

OP posts:

mishmashmoon · 20/11/2009 11:03

fgs he is 2, celebrate his birthday the day before or after

addictedtomn · 20/11/2009 11:05

i'm sorry but YAB alittle U

he wont fully understand the concept of a birthday, if you want to make a special day for him can you not have his birthday the day before of the day after he will never know.

Mutt · 20/11/2009 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

addictedtomn · 20/11/2009 11:07

also next year on his 3rd birthday, you wont be personally celebrating their 1st wedding annerversy, so it will only affect this 1 year, untill hes 27 any way and its their 25th annerversary then i feel he may not care too much!!

Original poster

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:07

like i said I know IABU, spose i could celebrate it the day before or after (thought that will be travelling time) so maybe a week before or summit like that?

If it was because of my son's birthday, i am thrilled she thought of him, but a bit irritated.

OP posts:

addictedtomn · 20/11/2009 11:08

sorry that should have said that if they have a big party on their 25th annervarsary

Original poster

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:08

Lol addicted. I spose that's true. I am being childish aint i?

OP posts:

Mutt · 20/11/2009 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowOfHands · 20/11/2009 11:10

"(by car!!)"

Gosh these motorised vehicles, making travel so much easier than the days of horse and carts.

SqueezyIsBackToBlack · 20/11/2009 11:10

Take it as a compliment that he is doing something really special on his special day and you can be proud of him in his little outfit etc. Agree with others on celebrating the birthday before or after, he's too young to notice and it's only this once

Original poster

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:11

Mutt i wanted to give him a wee 'party' (family and friends over) It will be a Saturday so perfect time. Urgh i could do that the week before spose....

OP posts:

ladylush · 20/11/2009 11:11

I think at that age it won't matter to him - and a lot of kids have fun at weddings. Celebrate before or after.

muddleduck · 20/11/2009 11:11

YABU

fernie3 · 20/11/2009 11:11

we had our sons 3rd birthday the saturday before as my husband couldnt get time off work. He had NO idea it was not his real birthday!

HollyGoHeavily · 20/11/2009 11:11

You are being ridiculous. He is 2, he won't know it is his birthday. Just have a party the following Saturday.

Mutt · 20/11/2009 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:13

SOH

There will be 4 adults and a car seat travelling in a small Cleo (if thats how you spell it) for an entire day. That was why there were !!s

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/11/2009 11:14

I think yabvu to be honest. Your ds will have no idea that it is his birthday, our dd only really cottoned on to this idea when she was four, and recognised the date at five. You don't even have to tell him it's his bd.
I really did LOL at showofhands comment.

Original poster

meltedchocolate · 20/11/2009 11:14

OK point taken.....

I do get to be a bride's maid

OP posts:

Mishy1234 · 20/11/2009 11:15

You know, I do kind of understand where you're coming from in a defensive mothering type way.

BUT, I honestly think that he'd really love his birthday being on the same day as the wedding. Children see things very differently to adults (obvious statement I know!) and he'll probably take in the excitement of the whole day as being part of his birthday. I'm sure they'll plan something to make his birthday part of the wedding. A special mention in the speeches maybe giving him a present when they traditionally thank everyone? A little birthday cake alongside the wedding cake which he can cut at the same time as them? Special birthday balloons tied to his chair at the meal?

There's lots that can be done to make him feel really special too and if she adores him as you say, I'm sure she's already thinking of things and if not would be very receptive to suggestions. If you're staying in a hotel the night before he can open his presents over breakfast?

I'm sure it will be fine and he'll have a lovely day. Think of all the official photos you'll have to mark the event!

paisleyleaf · 20/11/2009 11:16

We had a family wedding to go to on my DD's 4th birthday.
It was great, a big party all laid on for us. I took her a cake, and we sang happy birthday and she blew out the candles.
There was dancing, balloons, family, presents.
Your DS, being 2, won't even know it's not his party

DuelingFanjo · 20/11/2009 11:16

YABU.

Are they even close?

traceybath · 20/11/2009 11:16

Well ds2 turns 2 on boxing day and he won't have a clue its his birthday - they really don't realise at that age.

Just celebrate the week before.

Your aunty will probably do something special at the wedding for him as well.

teameric · 20/11/2009 11:16

YABU 2 year olds have no concept of birthdays what so ever, I think it's lovely she wants him to be page boy, thats very special too, and something you will all remember in years to come.

Portofino · 20/11/2009 11:17

YABU - other people's lives don't revolve around our dcs!

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