Problems with the Child Minder

[dixia]

Hi,

I am having trouble with my child minder.

I need your opinions about whether it is me or her that is being unreasonable and how to move forward from here.

My DS is 2yrs 9 months. He is ready for potty training. I think he has been ready for a while to come out of nappies and showing lots of good signs. I have an older son, who is now 7 and we trained him with no trouble. We have been asking him every week if he would like to buy a potty and start wearing pants - last week he said yes. So we went out and bought pants and potties and he is very excited about starting.

He goes to a pre-school every day from 9-12 and then to a CM afterwards 3 days a week from 12 til 4.30.

On Monday I took DS to pre-school in nappies and said to the lady that the following day he would be coming in pants. She said that that was fine, just bring lots of pairs of pants, trousers, socks etc and that they would take him to the potty every 20 minutes or so. Great - good reaction. But the CM has really shocked me. She says that she isn't happy about him being out of nappies. She asked that we postpone the starting of training until tomorrow (friday) when he doesn't go to her house and will have just pre-school and then Friday pm to Monday am at home. I felt that this was fair enough really, so agreed.

Now she says that I must provide my own equipment for him - potty, car seat covers, etc. Is this normal? I haven't had to provide any other equipment (she has pushchairs and carseats).

She also says that if he has two accidents in one day she will put him in a nappy. But that doesn't really work for me. i think he might have lots of accidents in the first few days.

She wants him to bring training pants, but I really think that there is no difference between these and nappies and I don't want to use them at home. I want to go straight into pants.

She says that she wants to sit down and have a meeting about his routine with me before he starts in pants, but I have told her that there is no routine. What will happen is that I put him in pants, take him to the potty regularly, he sometimes gets it right and sometimes has an accident, we change him and start again.

I need some advice about how to handle this situation. I am confused about whether I am being unreasonable or whether she is.

Thanks

pffff

I think potty training is the parents job.

I can see why you´d like someone else to do it for you (wouldn´t we all).

But if you have your own company, amyeb take a week off to kick start the process yourself.

Yes your job is VERY important, but what about your DC?!

It´s too much to ask IMHO. (agree with people mentioning CM´s carpet etc.)

I'm sorry to hear she has been rude even though you have tried with her. It sounds like this may turn into a big problem. The guidelines within child care mean that all accidents (whether human or animal, indoors or outdoors) need to have disinfectant put on them and I guess this is where the worry about her carpets comes into it. Fingers crossed that your ds contnues to do so well and come childminder time will have it cracked. However your last post now makes me worry that should he have an accident when with her she would not be very nice about it. Sorry, but it sounds like this cm maybe after an easy ride after all .

cat64 parents would complain if the childminder had to spend most of the day cleaning up and not with the children in her care.

Also alot of childminders dont have the space to have childminding areas, my childminder only has a through lounge. Everytime there is an accident its in her lounge! Its the childminders home as well as place of work.

They also dont have the money to be paying out for new flooring.

glad pt is going well - hopefully cm will continue with your good work

Hi Dixia,
Oh my word.... what a hot topic!
I have 2 main thoughts-
1-your DS is YOUR DS and so what you decide(obviously within reason as this clearly is )is your perogative.
2-if, like me, you have extra help with your children, be it through work or whatever, and you PAY a CM or nursery to do a job, this job is inclusive of normal demands and support. What on earth is all this about her floors or carpets-tough! Choose to use your house for childcare and expect to clean. A plumber wouldn't charge a fee for fixing the tap but not if he might get wet!! Where would we be if hospitals wouldn't let you stay if you might soil something!

And yes wouldn't it be wonderful if Mum was around to do the whole potty training job-modern life isn't that simple.
A child cannot be potty trained by a couple of days on and then off again-this is confusing for the child. My CM worked with me-I started on the Sat and she followed through from the Mon using techniques we both agreed on and my DD was trained in a week and has only had about 3 accidents since-consistant training and support!
We Mums are all too often given boundaries and rules by CMs that are not entirely reasonable and we forget that actually they are doing a job FOR us-not the other way around. A good CM is hard to find but I personally would think of moving on-at 2 yr 9mts your DS would probably enjoy new environments and friends too.
As with anything to do with our babies, follow your instinct-if you think it is unreasonable, it probably is -just like if you think they are ill, they more than likely are.
I questioned my original CM about nutrition issues to do with my 1st DS and all hell broke loose she had "worked for x years and knew what was right and wrong for children and was a fabulous CM"-how very dare I!!
I still believe that as the mother I have the ultimate say.
Bottom line (scuse the pun) if you are uncomfortable-look elsewhere for childcare, if someone else is happy with these demands then that is the CM for them-but I'm with you!

Totally disagree that more than two accidents in four hours means not ready.

I was convinced DD was ready to potty train. Decided to start on a Monday, by 9 am she had wet herself 5 times couldn't believe it!! A friend had told me if you start you must continue so we did and by Thursday she was fully trained and apart from one accident almost 4mths later when a horrid lady in M&S wouldn't let us use the toilet in front of her she has been totally dry.

My cm potty trained both my kids at 22 months. It was her suggestion and I didn't have to do anything. (She didn't have carpets anywhere). My ds took 2 days and my dd a week. By the way, she did not use potties. She just put them directly on the toilet and taught them how to balance themselves. This meant that I didn't have to haul anything around with me. Basic method was that she kept them in underwear all day and put them on the toilet every 20 minutes. I highly recommend this approach.

I think your CM is taking the piss - sorry!

It is a CM's responsibility to support the growth and development of your child and when looking after toddlers PT goes with the territory.

TBH you should have started it on a w/e so you bore the brunt of the first few days but thereafter she should absolutely continue in the manner which you prescribe.

I think it is reasonable for you to provide the extra equipment but to insist on "training pants" is a no no.

Hope you sort it - TBH she sounds a bit of a nightmare.