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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sink into depression after watching supernanny

71 replies

fernie3 · 19/11/2009 14:08

My husband and two older children have gone away for a whole week (!) on holiday with his mum. I am left at home with our baby (who is too little to enjoy a canoing holiday). My baby is happily napping and I turned on the TV to see supernanny.

I have never been so depressed about life!. Does anyone in real life spend all day playing?
and do these people have cleaners? my house hasnt looked that tidy EVER. Also the children who were supposed to be out of control didnt look that bad to me. Whats wrong with letting kids make a mess and play on their own?

where have I gone wrong!!

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/11/2009 18:42

I think people do focus a lot on the "punishment" side of things, but the flip side, is, as you say, Firawla, that with praise, encouragement, spending time doing nice things, and routines (so DCs get better sleep), the negative stuff should be reduced, anyway.

PercyPigPie · 19/11/2009 18:50

Well said Madascheese

megapixels · 19/11/2009 22:56

I have seen only a couple of episodes of Supernanny and I've been shocked at the behaviour of the children I saw. Most recently it was a 9 year old girl who hits her mum and generally doesn't listen. Some parts of it were really difficult to watch, like intruding on somebody's private and really hellish battles with their children. I don't know if I just saw some really bad episodes but I was really at the little ruffians and wondering if it was for real or just put on to make "good" TV.

Original poster

fernie3 · 20/11/2009 08:30

Megapixels the episode I saw the kids were fine with no real bad behaviour. The problem was their autistic 3 year old and the fact the mother was struggling to relate to the kids. Perhaps if I had seen the episode you mentioned I would think differently!

OP posts:

NaccetyMac · 20/11/2009 11:04

I disagree with most of her techniques and think she is wrong a lot of the time. So generally I fly into a rage rather than sink into depression.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/11/2009 11:30

as i am a nanny, i am going to stick my head out on a limb and say that her methods are what i use, as do many other nannys, as does my mb (who obv has children)

and yes we get results

there are battles you let slide and others you fight, nice manners, sleeping through night, eating food etc

obv SN doesnt have children, as doesnt other childcare guru whispers gf and maybe if they do, then they may find their children are ickle pickles but they may have the perfect baby as well

nannies dont have that emotional tie which is why it is easier for us to get a baby sleeping through the night - we know that cc will work etc

one of my good friends is a fantastic nanny, and is now a mum, she cant get her baby 9mths to sleep through the night as every time he cries she picks him up - she knows what to do, and she knows she is wrong (if that is the right word and thats what she said, not me) but she cant help herself and wont leave him to cry - and they both end up in tears toegther she is a complete wrack as has no sleep and is shattered!!

she has asked me to go in and sleep train him and i said he will be sleeping through the night within 2 weeks - i have also told her to go and stay at mine, during the night/with friends/take sleeping pill etc so that she wont hear him cry

anyway i regress

sn isnt the devil. she just sets guidelines and if you follow them then life should get easier (remember it is the parents who contact her for help)

witchwithallthetrimmings · 20/11/2009 11:37

I was a bit sceptical until I saw an episode where she had to give up (think it was the one where the three year old girl was still bf - shock horror). I felt quite impressed that she was able to say in public that her methods don't work for everything and could not solve the deep routed problems the dad had with the elder children

smee · 20/11/2009 13:13

Blondes I know you're trying to help your friend and you sound lovely, but I couldn't do that - cc that is. There are other routes through to peaceful sleep other than putting them through that and 9 months is still so little.

madusa · 20/11/2009 13:28

she is so rude!

I can't stand her. She talks down to everyone and can't even speak properly.

Dreadful woman

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/11/2009 13:49

i am lovely and im doing it as friend asked me, and im even doing it free

9mths is little but she and i and others have got children to sleep through 7-7 with dream feed 11pm at 8weeks and 7-7 no feed by 12 weeks

there is nothing wrong if your child wakes during the night and i am not calling anyone a bad parent if their child doesnt sleep through but this is my professional and people ask for my help and then i help

just the same as sn

Pitchounette · 20/11/2009 13:58

Message withdrawn

OmicronPersei8 · 20/11/2009 18:23

I once met a nanny with her first child. She said it was so different when it's your own baby, none of her nanny friends understood and kept saying 'why don't you just do x,y,z?'. But she actually seemed to want to find her own way - that's what we all do as parents. If that involves cc or a nanny, that's your choice, and I don't doubt that blondes does a great job. If you want to do AP, that's fine too though.

Being a parent is different to being a nanny, supernanny does help the families she sees but it's just the bossiness - at best I suppose it's tough love. Being on tv and edited for effect probably doesn't help. I suppose as a parent I just feel for them, it's like kicking them when the're down - a bit like What not to Wear.

StewieGriffinsMom · 20/11/2009 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KTNoo · 20/11/2009 18:43

Just feel so unbelievably blessed that I have never had to leave any of my dcs with a nanny.

TheMysticMasseuse · 20/11/2009 18:52

i don't mind SN so much as a person, and while i could never consistently apply her methods there is some validity in them. i think as far as chidcare "gurus" go she's not too bad.

however i object to SN as a show, pure schadenfreude where you get a kick by seeing how much worse someone else has it. or, in my case, get totally depressed by realising the "out of control" kids are basically exactly like your (previously assumed normal) own

TheMysticMasseuse · 20/11/2009 18:55

fwiw i would never hire a nanny that has "methods". i prefer to hire a person who has feelings and sense. no offense Blonde, i am sure you have both- but it's the whole nannying as dog child training thing that really gets to me. not to mention the "sleeping through the night as yardstick of good parenting" thing

pointydogg · 20/11/2009 19:05

I like to watch supernanny with the dds. We are transfixed and aghast. We love it.

almostreal · 20/11/2009 21:25

KTNoo you are being very narrow minded, I would hope to never leave my DC with someone with your type of attitude.

Not all Nannies use these methods and not all nannies approve of Super Nannie.
I personally know of many nannies who will refuse to do CC or even work for a family who does, refuse to do GF routine and do not use the naughty step. They are usually the type who strongly believe in free play and not having a timetable of activities/events for a 2 year old.

magicOC · 20/11/2009 22:16

KTNoo don't tar everyone with the same brush.

I'm a nanny. Can't stand SN, I find her attitude "un-aseptable" especially her "holier than thou" attitude towards the parents.

I do however agree with some of her methods (maybe not as harsh tho). As nannies we are there to guide the parents if thats what they request, but, it's as if she rules and stuff what everyone else wants/thinks/feels.

I have use the dreaded naughty step on very rare occassions, but, it's known as time out so no need for the naughty word.

Have also used CC at parents (shock horror) request, have to admit that child was the best sleeper out of all of them.

I'd love to know if she spoke to her previous employers the way she does on TV.

I think not

katiestar · 22/11/2009 12:32

The thing is she goes into very extreme situations eg families with 3 kids under 4 and parents who couldn't discipline a goldfish , so her methiods DO have to extreme to initially give control back to the parents.But her methods are way OTT for an ordinary family.i do think she is a nice woman though.She genuinely seems to care about the parents and families she helps.

usamama · 23/11/2009 14:04

I am not a fan, but do watch very occasionally, and I think she's really helpful to parents who have let their kids have the ultimate control over the household...I think it's important to establish the balance between the parents being in charge, while still allowing the kids to make some choices and decisions (but not be the centres of the home!). She is kind of a last resort, I think...I mean some of those kids are hitting, screaming, swearing...I can understand a parent not wanting to follow a routine, but kids shouldn't be allowed to be abusive!!! Also, if my kids were up and out of bed for as many hours as some of the kids on that show...I would lose my mind!! Mine are in a bedtime routine, and I never used CC, not once...if you start early in their lives, it is possible...

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