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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sink into depression after watching supernanny

71 replies

fernie3 · 19/11/2009 14:08

My husband and two older children have gone away for a whole week (!) on holiday with his mum. I am left at home with our baby (who is too little to enjoy a canoing holiday). My baby is happily napping and I turned on the TV to see supernanny.

I have never been so depressed about life!. Does anyone in real life spend all day playing?
and do these people have cleaners? my house hasnt looked that tidy EVER. Also the children who were supposed to be out of control didnt look that bad to me. Whats wrong with letting kids make a mess and play on their own?

where have I gone wrong!!

OP posts:
diddl · 19/11/2009 15:15

While she´s nannying, mum´s doing the cleaning!

I hate that programme!

I hate naughty step & time out!

thumbwitch · 19/11/2009 15:29

I re-present DS with food if he has refused to touch it - a maximum of twice. If he still won't eat it then, it gets thrown in the compost. But sometimes he just doesn't feel like it that first time but will happily eat it the next (or the one after), so it's worth the attempt, imo.

Original poster
fernie3 · 19/11/2009 15:34

If mine refuse to eat I leave it in front of them for a certain amount of time and if it still isnt eaten I just take it off them and get rid of it. They have to wait for the next set food time for anything else and they get what they would normally get. I Think the worst possib;e thing you can do is offer alternatives and it drives me insane when a friend of mine does this to her kids who are possibly the worlds worst eaters.
Eventually they realise if they dont eat thay are hungry. I do avoid things I KNOW they dont like for example my daughter hates mushrooms so I dont force her to eat them. I do expect them to try things however.

OP posts:
OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 15:39

I have a friend who used to work with people with eating disorders. One girl had been re-presented uneaten meals until they were green with mould.

Surely the most important thing is to try to keep as cam/relaxed as possible?

OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 15:41

And I too was have found supernanny difficult to watch since having DC. I was a teacher before being a SAHM, and although I understand the point of consistency, boundaries, talking to children on their eye-level etc, the manner in which parents are badgered makes me uncomfortable. As does the 'naughty' step.

OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 15:42

My typing has gone to pot - too sleep deprived coz I don't sleep train my toddlers! But that's another thread...

madamearcati · 19/11/2009 15:56

If your house was going to be on an hour long documentary , you would probably make sure you got some help in to clean it up first .You would at least look like a domestic goddess even if you couldn't cope as a parent.

thumbwitch · 19/11/2009 16:07

fernie and omicron - I offer DS one alternative if he doesn't touch his food. If he doesn't take it, then he goes hungry.
I would never give him mouldy food, it goes back in the fridge and is disposed of within 2 days if uneaten.

DS is very decided in what he wants - and if he doesn't want it, he won't eat it. However, if he hasn't even tasted it, he is made to taste it before refusing to eat it - sometimes he changes his mind, other times no.

I refuse to have battles over food; I too remember childhood traumas of not being allowed to leave the table until I'd eaten something I hated (egg white for e.g.).
Also, DS has always been on the 9th centile for weight, so I haven't been happy to leave him without any food.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/11/2009 16:16

I watched her last week and didn't know whether to feel inadequate or skeptical afterwards. All that structured play, the big star charts and routines on the wall with activity after activity, art then stories then baking then board games then bike rides then playing on the trampoline for an hour every evening as a family... does anyone really do that, and if so, when do you do your housework? when do you do any of the 20 other things we have to do every day? When do you sit down and have five minutes peace as an adult??

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/11/2009 16:23

James I get your point, but i think the point is not that we should be doing all of these things all the time, but that the families on the programme have never done any of those activities ever, and sometimes need a jolt to see other ways of relating to each other, and sample ideas of what else is out there.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/11/2009 16:27

Sorry, pressed send too early. If your family is entrenched in feeling negatively about each other, then it's hard to get any nice experiences, and to see any praise-worthy things that your DCs are doing. Changing your habits helps with that.

If your family is rubbing along OK and your kids aren't being a nightmare and you're basically happy, then maybe you don't need to start trampolining

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 19/11/2009 16:28

You'd probably tidy up if you'd invited a camera crew in to judge your parenting skills.

smee · 19/11/2009 17:10

thumbwitch, I think I'm a bit like you. I always ask DS to try something new. So long as he tries it, if he really doesn't like it though that's fine. If it's something he's eaten before, then I just say well that's all there is and don't enter into any debate. Certainly no battles. I wouldn't serve it up next meal though, as to me that is a battle and turns food into warfare

KTNoo · 19/11/2009 17:17

I can't watch it anymore since I saw an episode where the toddler was not allowed to go up the stairs, for some reason. They had a big fight about it. Good grief. Going up the stairs???? Surely these are not real problems? I would like my dcs to stop going outside without shoes and destroying all their socks, ds to stop spraying the bathroom floor every time he wees, and to have the occasional day when no-one goes to school with breakfast on their clothes - does that mean we need supernanny?

OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 17:23

DD goes through phases of being fussy, I do re-offer her food (my previous example was just the extreme, not saying that's what anyone on MN does), as she will sometimes eat her lunch for dinner, especially if she hasn't had much for lunch. I also do get her to try things. Mostly I try not to care too much.

I remember Tanya Byron coming on MN for a webchat once and she seemed to suggest (iirc) that so many of these things are natural for children, we get so stressed dealing with them and want answers/fixes, it was one of the reasons she stopped doing house of tiny tearaways / little angels etc. Point being the bossiness of supernanny is the most annoying thing. The 'this is the way of doing things' line.

OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 17:27

Actually I don't know if I'm making any sense. Probably not.

smee · 19/11/2009 17:34

KTNoo, you're a lost cause

OmicronPersei8 · 19/11/2009 17:35

Have breakfast in your pyjamas.

thumbwitch · 19/11/2009 17:37

omicron, you make sense, don't worry!

smee, I know you did qualify it by saying "as to me that is a battle" but it isn't a battle in our house, maybe because DS is still under 2 (I don't know) and doesn't seem to remember that he refused it before if he decides he wants it the next time he sees it. I don't get agitated over it, just offer it again and see what he does - if he pushes it away, saying "no, no" then I take it away again.

Firawla · 19/11/2009 17:40

yabu i love supernanny
her techniques seem to make sense and she has a kind personality, she seems a very nice person. they always seem to benefit from her a lot so can't say she is doing a bad job

thenewbornnanny · 19/11/2009 17:58

I think she injects some common sense and order into families that have gone a bit off the rails, and that each family really does seem to benefit in some way from her help, so overall she's a kind and positive influence. But I do think she needs to learn to speak properly!

I've been nannying for 12 years and I have no doubt at all everything I've learnt and everything I know will go flying out the window as soon as I have my own wee bubba!!!

Madascheese · 19/11/2009 18:29

The reason I find it so depressing is the whole 'naughty step' thing, pre school children are meant to try to push the boundaries and for a generations of parents to start categorising their children as 'naughty' because of that utterly normal behaviour is really worrying to me.

It seems to be rather disempowering as well.

I go crackers if anyone says the 'n' word to DS, I don't want him growing up thinking he is 'a naughty boy' it seems to me that will become self fulfilling. I totally accept that sometimes a chill out chair is useful (DS sits on the floor and counts to 20 to calm down) but he understands it's not a punishment but chance to breathe out some big feelings which might have got out of control - I'm not a big old hippy BTW, however I do think part of my job as DS's Mummy is to help him learn how to manage his feelings and behaviour and I just don't want him to end up a stroppy bad tempered shout arse like his father (my exh needless to say)

Firawla · 19/11/2009 18:35

she does not tell them they are naughty, she tells them the behaviour is naughty. some behaviour is naughty, that's undeniable. would anyone say its acceptable for children to hit (including hit their parents), shouting, swearing, disobeying and other such behaviour? she's only labelling the behaviour not the children, and does emphasise how the parents need to praise the children for good behaviour, encourage them, etc
not saying everyone must use her naughty step techniques if they dont want or need to, but claiming she actually labels the children as naughty is just not true

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 19/11/2009 18:40

Never seen it. DH says that she's a Sultan (of Ming) and can't bear to have it on.

Madascheese · 19/11/2009 18:41

Firawla

It's not her saying that the behaviour is naughty that bugs me, it's the fact that it gets distorted and suddenly the whole world (pass me the broom for THAT sweeping generalisation) starts using the naughty step having seen a snapshot of something without maybe appreciating how/why she is using it and perhaps understanding the need to separate the behaviour from the child.

It's the whole bloody quick fix, entertainment out of peoples problems like wife swap and changing rooms I object to...