to think dh's parents could have organised his grandad's funeral on a different day.

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

Just called this morning to see how everyone is and if they need any help with anything, FIL gave me date for funeral, is dh's birthday. So now every year his birthday is going to be the day he buried his grandad, just think it is a little insensitive. dh was very very close to his grandad.

I think day of the death is what you remember (after the first year when I always remember both).

The fact he died near your dh's birthday will probably cast a shadow - I had a boyfriend whose birthday was the day after my grandad was killed in a car crash. I did find the next two birthdays difficult (but then we split up!). But that is life - people die, people are born and every month becomes full of anniversaries of both.

YANBU. when we organised both my dads & MILs funerals we specifically chose the crematorium slot for the time of day (we wanted morning funerals rather than sitting round all day anticipating the worst iykwim)

We delayed MILs by an extra day to facilitate this.

Surely they would have remembered their owns DSs birthday. I do appreciate it was a parent but at the same time, life is for the living and although emotions are running high now, in years to come when they are long gone, your DH will still remember that it was his birthday that he buried his grandad. am now retreating to my anderson shelter

I think you remember the day someone passed away not the day their funeral was held. I still remember the day my dad passed (3 years ago), but I would be hard pushed to tell you what day he was buried on. So I don't think it will be an issue.

YANBU
if they were careful enough to wait a week for people to make arrangements for travel then they should have been thoughtful enough to make it a week and a day or 6 days so its not the same day.
You really are not being unreasonable.

However, my mother died at Christmas and I assumed that would mean Christmas ruined forever, but it isnt and it does get better given time.

YANBU

My father died recently. I went with my mum to arrange the funeral and the funeral directors gave us a choice of dates that they, the church and the graveyard had available.

I read the OP thinking that the funeral was on the date of your ds's birthday, in which case maybe YANBU. But on your DH's?

He may look back in years hence and think "I spent my Xth birthday at my Grandad's funeral" but I'd imagine that would be the extent of it. I can recall in precise detail the funeral ceremonies of all my grandparents, but I couldn't tell you the date of any of them. If he had a close relationship with his Grandad then his focus on the day will be on that, not his birthday.

If you feel he will be missing out then why don't you plan something special and celebratory for him in a few months' time when the memories are less raw? The date makes no difference - even if it was moved, he's still not going to enjoy his birthday because his Grandad's just died.

my grandad died 4 years ago, a week before my birthday. i remember the date he died but have no recollection of the date of his funeral, which must have been around about my birthday.