to think that BF beyond 6 months is not exactly hard?

[lowrib]

DISCLAIMER! Let me be very clear - I'm not saying that BF is easy full stop - I know from experience it can be very bloody painful (I got blocked ducts and mastitis - ouch!) and I in no way mean to underplay the considerable achievements of many mums in establishing BF in the who first place in difficult circumstances. Nor am I having a go at people who choose - or have no choice but to use formula.

But ... once BF is established and you, your baby and your body are all used to it, it's hardly hard work to carry on, is it?

I'm asking because I keep coming across people who seem surprised that I'm "still" feeding my DS at 11 months, and either congratulate me - or say as "Are you still feeding him" . The WHO recommends 2 years and we're not even half way there ffs!

The last person actually said "Are you still BF lowrib? You wanna get him off the boob!"

If my DS is hungry, or tired, or needing comfort, I simply put him on my boob and he's happy. How is that in any way harder than faffing around with bottles and making up formula, or worrying about how long it's been out of the fridge or warming up milk when out and about?

I think the subtext behind the "get him off the boob" comment was so that I could have a proper drink. Look, my social life for the last 20 years has revolved around heavy drinking (and I've thoroughly enjoyed it, for the most part), but hello, I'VE HAD A BABY!!! I think it's a pretty bloody sad reason to give up BF - for some boozy nights down the pub. The pub will always be there, but my little one won't be a baby long.

I don't think this is what everyone means though. So what are they on about? Why is it such a big deal? Is it the social stigma? Do people find it easier to move on to bottles because they feel it's what's expected of them? It's a pretty bloody sad indictment of our society if so. Women should be celebrated for BF, don't you think? Not made to feel like bloody social lepers.

Sorry for the long post, feel a bit ranty this morning

I don't think the OP is judgemental at all btw. Apart from being a bit cross at people who criticise somebody's personal feeding choice which is less judgemental and more reasonable imo.

I'm planning on weaning my 11mo over the next few weeks precisly so I can have a big drink over Christmas. I've been pg or bf for 2 years, i don't think wanting to be able to let my hair down makes me sad at all !

Of course you're allowed to stop. I read the OP as questioning why some people assume you should stop and why a lot of people are so amazed at feeding an older baby/toddler.

That's how I read it too SOH.

Thumbwitch "Had lots of well-meaning types (including MIL) asking when I was going to stop, as though I was some kind of freak for still carrying on."

That's exactly what I mean - it's the subtext that it's just a bit - well - odd, to be feeding a baby older than newborn, when in reality it's one of the most natural things. It makes me .

Message withdrawn

As I understand it there's a very good chance that people could keep on with just a morning and evening (and whenever else they can fit in) feed without the expressing. Yes they'd need either EBM or formula in the day, but I don't understand why people stop without even trying to combine! If they were going to stop anyway and it doesn't work, what have they lost!

There seem to be all sorts of ideas about babies sleeping better once they stop BF and that there's no point once they're on solids as well as all the social preconceptions that stop people trying.

Yes there are different issues regarding feeding an older baby, but its just another developmental issue. A baby that can bite when frustrated can scratch and pinch too - its just the same as any other issue in my experience (and I had a biting DS - however he was worse before he had teeth, those gums can really hurt)

Yes I know its their baby, their choice etc but it is another part of breastfeeding that needs more education / some cultural change.

Pitchounette, you're reading it as a comment on others. I'm reading as a comment on the OP's own situation. I honestly don't see any unnecessary judging here.

I know. Everyone told me it would tail off but it didn't.

How are you Annie ? I've been hoping to see you about, that baby of yours must be about due ?

It's worzselmummage btw, if you remember me from the hut.

Sorry for the hijak op

it is hard in other ways though sometimes I suppose. With ds it wasn't and I admit I wondered what all the fuss was about. He slept ok so I culd put him to bed and go out no problems etc and by 9 months was happy to go without milk in the day if I wasn't there so I was free to go out and be child free. Dd is different, I really struggled to feed her for a few months and although now at 11 months feeding itself is lovely I only left her for more than a couple of hours in the day for the first time last week. That has been restrictive. She does not sleep well and will only settle for milk. I have been out in the evening once, over the road and I went home after about an hour and a half when she woke and dh rang me. That is restrictive. That is hard and that is the part that I hte and am starting to resent. I have a couple of meals out in December and they are getting nearer and nearer. I am going to go, I need to go for myself and logically I know that she will be fine, her daddy will be there to soothe her and she is not going to expire for want of milk for an evening but I will stress, I will spend the evening wondering if she is screaming for me and I will feel guilty that I have taken away the one thing she wants even if only for a few hours.

BF can be bloody difficult after 6 months.

Just to throw some personal experience in...

Yes, BF was established and I would've loved to have continued past 6 months, but I was going back to work. I was planning to do morning and night feeds myself, but trying to cut DS down didn't work. There was nowhere for me to express at work (bar a cubicle in the loo) so I felt I had to get daytime milk production down before I started work.

DS wasn't interested in a daytime bottle - even of EBM - if I was around, so in the end we had to go cold turkey.

It was partly a relief - BF had given me a min of 2 visual migraines per week - but mostly sadness.

I agree there's a need for a change in our cultural expectations. If more BFing is expected for longer then it won't be seen as something that happens for tiny babies only, and employers will make more of an effort for returning mothers. And there'll be less of the 'oh that's disgusting' for extended BFers.

But how on earth do we make it happen when it sometimes seems that any push to increase BFing rates is labelled as 'lactivism' and bullying? All very frustrating, and I'm glad I don't work in the field.

I think maybe because some people struggle early (say even to 4 months) with little or no support or understanding of how breastfeeding works, then give up and move onto bottles. They then never get the point of view of how easy it can actually be post 6 months where breastfeeding is supported by the culture and where mums have confidence in their bodies as well as their parenting which can be intrinsically tied to feeding.

In this society so many of us are acculturated into doubting our parenting if we use breastfeeding as a parenting tool.

I have recently supported a good friend (mum of 4) to breastfeeding her last dc past one year. Her other 3 are all older than my 2.

With all the previous children she seemingly suffered endless neuroses brought on by listening to stupid HVs and other HCPs and a MW friend (who bottlefed all hers after the first weeks) to mention two people she has talked to me about.

Her third DC had an undiagnosed TT and she struggled the hardest and longest with bfing this one, till she gave up at 4 months. The real tragedy is that with her first DC 16 yrs ago she had the easiest time initiating breastfeeding her baby being above its birth weight at 10 days and in a very supportive hospital environment. The convention at the time from what she described to me was to give up breastfeeding at 3 months and move on to bottles which is what she did.

It was a sad and poignant moment when she told me last summer that it wasn't till having her last child that she finally felt confident in her parenting. This is the one that she breastfed the longest, did not have people shoving in telling her she 'had to' put the baby on a routine 'soon'. blah, blah, blah. Well she did have someone say that when her dc was 3 months old but she quickly saw that that was utter tosh with a different POV from yours truly.

sorry for the ramble.

Indith. I've just had my first night out without dd. Got two more planned this month. It's been a long 2 and a half years. DD has only in the last couple of months stopped feeding in the night and throughout the day so going out just hasn't been an option. That is extremely hard. I utterly agree.

Pitch I don't think the OP said that at all she was just saying not that you HAVE to BF til they are 2 yo but that people shouldn't judge if you do that's all. Live and let live eh?

I bf DD until she was 14 months. I found the change in attitude over time was really odd.

When she was newborn, everyone was very supportive. My Mum used to be a midwife, so she was fab for helping in those painful early days.

I then went to live overseas for 6 months - from when my DD was 5mo to 11mo. While I lived abroad, no one commented on me bf. However, on returning to the UK I definitely felt that people thought I was odd for still feeding. I felt uncomfortable doing it in public, or even at family members' houses. My Mum kept talking to me about when I was going to stop bf.

I went back to work fulltime when DD was 1. By then I only bf mornings and evenings, and DD had cows milk in between (we started cows milk 2 weeks before her birthday - I know, bad Mummy!). My supply was fine, but she kind of lost interest after a couple of months, and with everyone saying I should stop, I did.

I didn't know about the WHO recommendations when I stopped (hadn't discovered mumsnet then!) and I now feel guilty that I didn't keep going for longer.

I agree if you're bf at 6 months, and not back at work then it's much easier to keep going rather than switching to formula. I was always too lazy for sterilising/warming etc. I also agree that it shouldn't be a big deal whether you're bf or ff - in the OP's case (and mine) other people seem to make it into a big deal. And I think it's really sad that there's pressure to stop just because people don't think it's "right" to be feeding after x months.

I suspect that, if breastfeeding had worked for me, I would have carried on past 6 months, unless something like my supply drying up, or the baby stopping, had stopped me.

I didn't feel that lowrib's OP was judgemental of those who don't breastfeed past 6 months - she seemed to be discussing her own experience and the reactions she'd come up against, and was wondering why some people seemed to believe that it would be easier to switch onto a bottle at 6 months.

Ah but SOH you are a saint and I am but human.

I'm sure it would all look a bit rosier if I had a complete sleep cycle just once a week or so

Perfectly possible to have a drink or a night out whilst bf.

There are several comments on this thread that show a lack of understanding of many things bf related.

Annya - having another child doesn't stop you from bf either. I am feeding 3.9yr old dd, 13 month old ds, and am 8 weeks pregnant with number 3. It's really not a problem.

lowrib - next time someone makes such a comment, why not ask them (calmly and politely ) why they think that you need to get him off the boob. Then you can have a reasoned discussion and educate them a little. If people are not educated then we will never change attitudes.

And may I point out that the WHO recommends AT LEAST 2 years, not just 2 years and then stop dead.

I found it hard because, very selfishly, I wanted my life back.

I had been through 9 months of pregnancy, a painful labour, the sleeplessness of a newborn and I just wanted my time back again.

I never found expressing very easy at all and my boobs were always quite leaky, so if out and about I'd have to keep changing my pads. If I so much as heard a baby cry that'd be it, milk dripping everywhere!

So I would say that for some, psychologically, after 6 months you just want your freedom back.

so my Point was maybe a lot of people think you are some kind of martyr to still be breastfeeding because if their first 3 months was rough and that is all they know from their and the experiences of others around them, then they must assume that the last 3 months (to a year) must be just as rough. dunno. but that is how I see people who think I am making some sort of self sacrifice to still be feeding a large baby or toddler.

This argument like so many others on MN boils down to personal choice and not feeling judged for your choices. As parents so often we look at the decisions other people make about many aspects of parenting and think because they are different from our choices they must be wrong. Instead let's try and remember that parenting is bloody hard work and we all make choices based on a vast array of circumstances and bring emotional baggage from our past that influences our decision making. So next time instead of looking at someone and thinking badly of them we should all think "We are all doing our best and that is quite frankly good enough.
here endeth the sermon!!!