Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the substitute teacher was wrong?

32 replies

WantTohide · 16/11/2009 14:54

Just back from picking up DS from school.

His regular teacher was off sick, so Substitute teacher I have never met is on today.

All parents stand around the exit doors waiting for thie kid to come forward. The teacher was asking each parent who they were here for and giving them the correct child.

I stepped up and she asked me who I was after - I said DS - she looks at me and says "and you would be?" and i say i'm his Mum. She looks me up and down and says that I cant be his Mum as I am too young. I say thanks for the compliment but I am his Mum and I need to get going because its going to start raining and we have to walk up the road.

She still says I am too young to be Ds's Mum, so I ask her to bring him out and ask him herself. She refuses, saying that I will have to wait til everyone else has left so she can go get headmaster and confirm I am his Mother.

So I had to wait 10mins while she unloaded all the rest of the class. DS wanders over to her and says "Miss, I can see my Mummy over there" She seems to be unable to hear him or is ignoring him and goes off to fetch the headmaster.

I then have to wait another 10mins(it is now raining)before she comes back with headmaster.

He takes one look at me and confirms that I am indeed Ds's Mum.

Then she hands him over without apology or a goodbye.

I understand ithe safety issue with allowing children to go with people you dont know etc and needing to check them out. But she seemed to single me out from everypne else and all because she thought I was too young to be DS's Mum.

AIBU to think that she was wrong for the way she handled the situation?

BTW - DS is 4 and I am 24 (and I don't think I look very young)

OP posts:
BrandonsMummy · 16/11/2009 14:55
Shock
bigchris · 16/11/2009 14:57

it's a bit of a minefield really but. i would trust four year olds to know their own mum's personally

PrincessToadstool · 16/11/2009 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dilemma456 · 16/11/2009 14:58

Message withdrawn

BrandonsMummy · 16/11/2009 14:59

I know that from the teacher's POV it's always better to be safe than sorry but it seems like she was being ridiculous, followed by rude!
Definitly revel in the compliment though

TheMightyToosh · 16/11/2009 14:59

It's not really a water-tight system for deciding who is allowed to take a child and who isn't, it is!?

Would they have been happier to hand your DS over to a complete stranger who looked nearer 30 I wonder?

Very odd...

ChristmasMoon · 16/11/2009 14:59

wtf? So just a couple of things here

  1. She decides who is old enough to have a child?
  2. Your son says 'that's my mummy' and she still doesn't believe it.
  3. She leaves you stood in the rain while she finds the head teacher to confirm what you and your son have just told her??

I would be saying something!

YANBU

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 16/11/2009 15:00

Well its certainly bemusing, particularly the bit about not believing your ds.

She seems to have handled the actual process correctly I suppose, she wasn't rude to you and just said she would go and get the head.

She was pretty forthright in saying she disbelieved you which I wouldn't be happy with - I don't think i would like it inferred that i was a liar in front of my child.

Did you say anything to the head.?

FluffyPumpkins · 16/11/2009 15:00

Did you say anything to head?

WantTohide · 16/11/2009 15:00

I can understand her caution. But she never questioned any other parents - not a single one! She just asked them who they were there for and handed them over.

I felt like I was being picked on.

I wonder if she would have believed me if I also had DD with me?

OP posts:
hanaflower · 16/11/2009 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WantTohide · 16/11/2009 15:03

No, I didnt say anything to the Head, She had pulled him out of a meeting with someone and had to get bak to his office. I had to get up the road as it was bucketing down.

I was thinking of saying something tomorrow when i drop him off, but wasnt sure what to say.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 16/11/2009 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

verytellytubby · 16/11/2009 15:09

Weird.

SerendipitousHarlot · 16/11/2009 15:13

Why did none of the other parents vouch for you?

WantTohide · 16/11/2009 15:23

I dont know any of the other parents - I was thinking when she said it at first she was joking with me. Probably one or two of them would have recognised me as DS's Mum but I didn' think to ask anyone.

Thanks for your replies on this. I was thinking maybe i was being a bit daft about the whole situation but still couldnt understand her behaviour/attitude.

Thanks Stewiegriffinsmom - i think I might just write in to the school.

OP posts:
NotsoDH · 16/11/2009 16:40

wanttohide yanbu. This is crazy. Complaint time!

MerryWifeOfWindsor · 16/11/2009 16:47

This happened to me today - except it only took about a min for the 'main' teacher to come to the door. I am all for 'better safe than sorry' but her basis was age (today the lady just didn't recognise me - I rarely collect DS) and she didn't apologise. As someone said, obviously an older lady could just walk off with your child then

mathanxiety · 16/11/2009 16:49

Gosh, she was ridiculous. I couldn't help thinking of my neighbour, whose skin colour is different from that of her DD, in this situation. I would send a strongly worded complaint to the school. I can't believe the other parents didn't gang up on her and support you. I'm sure the head was delighted to be pulled out of a meeting for this

bigchris · 16/11/2009 17:07

do you collect your child everytime? surely you recognise the other parents and they recognise you?

PeedOffWithNits · 16/11/2009 17:09

i cannot believe this - how come a TA or regular teacher was not on hand to dismiss the kids, as some kids are not SUPPOSED to go with one or other parent anyway. so for eg a child could have said "oh theres mummy" and been allowed to go, when "mummy" was not the parent with custody IYSWIM

our school would never allow a child to go without a member of the school staff KNOWING the person they were going with was genuine

this is indeed a very odd situation! I cannot believe that there were not parents, and kids for that matter, backing you up!

tethersend · 16/11/2009 17:12

She could have handled it better- "Would you mind waiting here a minute while I check something?"

Of course it's better to be safe than sorry, but what a lack of social skills.

Could be why she's a supply teacher...

tethersend · 16/11/2009 17:39

...as opposed to a permanent teacher, not correcting OP saying substitute!

Faux pas; and when criticising someone's social skills too...

madamearcati · 16/11/2009 17:45

You know what I think.I wonder if there has been a custody/child protection issue with one of the kids and she had that in her mind and wanted to double check with the headmaster

Threelittleducks · 16/11/2009 18:00

Strongly worded letter of complaint.