to be fed up with my MIL bringing gifts all the time?

[DrDoobs]

since she started working in a charity shop my MIL always arrives with loads of clothes, books and jigsaws at each visit. I'm going to sound ungrateful I know but it annoys me because we don't need all this stuff, most of it I don't like, half isn't even the right size, my children are being spoilt rotten, I have to deal with taking it all to the charity shop (a different one) afterwards, it means I can't justify buying any clothes myself for them as their drawers are overflowing, it all smells of the horrible fabric conditioner she uses etc etc. Mostly I think it just goes against my own efforts to ensure they value presents when they get them as I don't believe children should grow up thinking they always need more stuff.

Or maybe it just annoys me because she's my MIL

How can I stop her wihtout causing offence?

i don.t think you can!

I would let her and do as your doing take what you dont want to the charity shop. Its pretty easy to drop it off and its lovely she is thinking of you and thinks she is helping .I would leave it be and not upset things

you can get rid of the smell by washing them surely?

YABU and ungrateful and custy is right, not sure you can stop her without offending her.

Loggon on to Freecycle or whatever its now called in your area and regift it

So if you liked it and it was the right size there wouldn´t be a problem?

Could you try explaining that whilst you appreciate all the effort she's made, the DCs are getting very spoilt and could she limit gifts to just birthdays and Xmas?

If that doesn't work a smile, thank you and freecycle is probably your best bet as people will collect from you.

Tell her the sizes & to let you know when stuff is in so that you can look for yourself?

maybe say that you don't want to take away from the charities profits so could she take x,y and z back to her shop for you then ask her to look out for 1 or 2 specific books/games that the kids would like instead so you get less innundated with stuff you don't want

Oh my god us MILS really can do no right. I am sure she is really enjoying bringing things from the charity shop for her grandchildren especially as they are affordable and she might not be able to afford new things.

I once saw a comment from a dil saying that the thing with mil complaints is to ask yourself if you would be annoyed if this was someone you liked.

Mil complaints seem to fluctuate between mils who are overbearing/always wanting to visit v. mils who have no interest/never visits etc.

Mils that bring sweets/toys/spoil the children v. mils that don't buy the kids anything.

I often see dils talking of "not wanting their children spoiled" etc etc and I sometimes wonder if this is just a way of trying to legitimise their complaints/grievances. You don't have to give the children the charity shop stuff do you. Can you not just say to your mil that it is lovely she is thinking of the kids but you are running out of space for everything, or something similar. This might be enough to get the message across.

Incidentally do you (or any other dils) have advice for mils on just how we should behave - would be most helpful!

ask her to keep some stuff at her house

donate it back to your local GP's surgery etc

you cannot refuse gifts without causing offence

my lovely MIL is a bit of a shopaholic, and so DD gets lots of toys from her. We encourage MIL to keep at least some of them at her house. It's nice for DD to have different stuff when she goes there, and means we're not overcluttered.

This would annoy me as you can't park near our charity shops and it seems as though MIL has just given you an unnecessary extra job. I would just ask her, or any relative who did this, to stop bringing stuff as it's well meant but you don't need extra stuff and best to leave it at the charity shop for folk who do want it and choose it.

I hope it's none of the stuff I have recently taken to charity shops thinking I was donating for a good cause. This really puts me off sending my precious baby toys etc to charity shops when I hear things like this. Do volunteers just take stuff or do they generally pay? (and if so, is it the full price?).

I think she's just trying to be helpful. If you tell her the kids have got way too much stuff at the mo, but that you are looking for a 'something or other' and you'd love it if she could just keep an eye open for one of them you would really appreciate it.

When I worked at a charity shop we had to pay for the things we wanted (at a discounted rate), make sure she's not paying for this stuff aswell!

My Mum does voluntary work for a charity, Mud&Mayhem, she always pays for any stuff she gets before it hits the shop floor. Please don't stop donating things !

Oh I could have started this thread myself! Nananina, I think the issue is that if it were my own mother I would tell her, but I don't want to offend my MIL and I can't get DH to have "a talk" to her. Both sets of grandparents don't see dd very often as they live far away. I see my parents more often because they're retired and I'm a sahm so its easier. My mum buys the odd toy or game for dd but its to keep at her house so its just "there" if you know what I mean. Then she asks what we need or want for christmas and birthdays and buys that. Perfect. MIL however, buys 4 or 5 things for dd whenever we see her, they're always wrapped individually and it turns dd into a "where's my present/what else is there" excitable fiend which I hate. Then Christmas and birthdays MIL buys whatever we suggest and a load of other tat. I've tried to get DH to tell her but he's not got the message across yet.

nananina the best advice I can give you for harmony with your dil is to get your son to communicate with you.

She does pay for the stuff so the charities actually benefit twice - once when she buys it and again when I take it back. But I do feel she is buying stuff that someone else may benefit more - since I have a good job and don't need to buy stuff from charity shops (but it is a good way of recycling).

Fernie3: the smell takes at least 3 washes to get rid of so even more work!

diddl: no, I'd still think the children were getting too much stuff.

She is trying to be helpful but I think it's just a culture clash - my DH's family are very close and into quantity of presents, my family is more independent and not into lots of stuff. So maybe my advise for MILs is to be aware of areas where there might be more disagreement?

I think there's always conflict between MIL and DIL - lots of research in that area proving it too.

I do my best to get her to keep stuff at her house - which is really handy - but will try the other approaches suggested too.

Thanks.

i think you sound a bit ungrateful tbh. I have a MIL who lives 5 mins up the road, and ds's see her every 2-3 wks, there's no interaction and basically we feel she's just "doing what she feels she should" once every 3 wks and the rest of the time we don't hear a thing.

So i would love a mil who really enjoyed my kids company and wanted to buy them things and help out!

If it's tat you're not interested in, maybe just say something along the lines of, " you're so kind keep buyin this stuff, but we're running out of space, any chance you can keep bits at yours or hold off for a few months, so kids can enjoy the toys that you only gave last week etc.

Please don't knock her for idolising her grandchildren, i'm very envious - my MIL looks at our kids like they've got 3 heads!

What makes it worse is that they claim they cant visit because they can't afford the fuel too often, but they could fit an extra visit a year in if she stopped trying all this unnecessary stuff. DD wants to see her Grandma, not get presents, but I fear this may become what she expects.

Lequeen - 11 years!!!!

Part of the reason for posting was to get it off my chest and get suggestions - the other part was to have people remind me that I am being unreasonable!