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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a birthday card, not a bloody e-card

31 replies

Ozziegirly · 16/11/2009 11:55

from one of my best friends?

It's my birthday today. I have 3 very close friends in the UK (I"m in Oz). One of them sent me a card, it arrived last week.

One friend sent nothing (but she didn't bother last year either).

One of them sent an e-card which arrived a few mins ago.

E-cards, to me are a "shit, I forgot the birthday so here is a half arsed attempt to make up for it".

Way to make me feel totally left out and a million miles from my friends, guys.

So, AIBU to expect a birthday card?

OP posts:

piratecat · 16/11/2009 11:58

no not unreasonable, but she'd obviously forgotten, or not got to the post on time.

I HATE it when i forget, i feel awful, esp when i always seem to remember, then it goes right out of my head.

Chulita · 16/11/2009 11:58

Happy Birthday!
YABU if you ask me, not everyone does cards, my best friend lives in California and we send e-cards on birthdays if we haven't got around to posting anything. At least she remembered your birthday!
Hope you get spoilt rotten today though

Original poster

Ozziegirly · 16/11/2009 12:12

Thank you.

I have had a nice day - am off to bed now, will take my "BU" or otherwise judgement tomorrow.....I can handle the truth....

OP posts:

PfftTheMagicDragon · 16/11/2009 12:24

Ah yes, the whole "just be grateful for anything" line that always gets trotted out in these threads. As if you should be grateful for any little scrap of anything that gets thrown your way, "Just be grateful they remembered at all/he did the dishes/bothered to buy you a mouldy potato for your birthday/pissed in your bed" as if you should just be happy that anyone with their busy lives could even bring you to the forefront of their mind for the 10 seconds it takes to send a manky e-card.

YANBU to expect a card on your birthday from one of your best friends.

somewhathorrified · 16/11/2009 12:32

I send e-cards to my family over seas..I'm just hoping that they are no so ungrateful. I spend way more time pouring over finding the right e-card than I do over one from the shop. What is it about e-cards that you dislike or is it the fact that you think they should pay for the postage to make it a more acceptable gesture?

lockets · 16/11/2009 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

littleducks · 16/11/2009 12:41

I think you are being a bit harsh, with the postal strikes over here she may have decided in advance that an e-card was a better idea

YouSaidWHAT · 16/11/2009 12:47

maybe she was thinking about the planet and trying not to add to killing more trees just so you can have an actual birthday card...

Chulita · 16/11/2009 12:48

PtheMD - 10 seconds! If only it was that quick, have you seen how many crap e-cards out there? It takes me ages to find one that I want to send, and yes, while maybe not being grateful for someone pissing in your bed, I think remembering a birthday is something bearing in mind how many birthdays/anniversaries there are for most people to remember...

Vivia · 16/11/2009 13:30

At least your friend sent you an e-card - the other friend didn't send you anything and always 'didn't bother' last year? Why aren't you at her? Why is e-card friend worse than the one who doesn't care?

You are being a little harsh. Happy birthday though!

Vivia · 16/11/2009 13:31

sorry my fingers typed 'always' for some reason...

FabIsLosingThePlot · 16/11/2009 13:32

YABU

The post in the UK has been a nightmare lately and she made sure you got something.

diddl · 16/11/2009 13:40

Rather an ecard than nothing!

I´m not in UK and sometimes by the time I remember a birthday, I know that a card won´t get there in time and it seems pointless.
Also, what do you do with cards-keep them forever or throw out at some point?

purpleduck · 16/11/2009 13:42

I am crap at organising myself. 9 times out of 10 I send an email, of give a quick phone call.
Obviously I think YABU
Honestly though - I am in uk and many of my best friends are in Canada - I am delighted when they remember - I certainly don't need a card.
Happy Birthday though. Mine's on Thurs if you care to return the favor

SkipToMyLou · 16/11/2009 13:48

Ecards can be brilliant! The animated ones always make DC laugh, some of them have fab silly songs. They chose to send them to family this year on birthdays and everyone has been (to my face) happy, in fact the oldies have all said not to bother with normal cards as they just get stuck in the recycling.

Tidey · 16/11/2009 13:54

TBH, I have sent e-cards before, for the reasons you suspect. Forgot the birthday and didn't have time for a proper card to get there on time. I do apologise profusely to the recipient for forgetting as well though. Did they apologise?

slushy06 · 16/11/2009 14:09

I send e-cards however if I heard anyone complain they would soon be off my mailing list I make them myself and it takes me considerably longer than it would to buy and post one. It takes me maybe 30 mins to an hour how do you know she didn't work really hard and make it herself thinking to give you something different.

MummyDragon · 16/11/2009 17:06

Happy Birthday

Sorry but I think YABU - the postal strikes over here have been awful (I still haven't received items that were posted to me in October) and anyway it's really not very green/envionmentally friendly to post a bday card to Oz, is it? Your friend did remember your birthday...

and presumably it was your choice to move to Oz, so not sure where the "Way to make me feel totally left out and a million miles from my friends, guys" is coming from.

Firawla · 16/11/2009 17:11

i think yabu she has probably done it due to postal strike

jemart · 16/11/2009 21:35

yanbu about the e-card, they are rubbish.
I'd be happier with choccies than a card though.

tiredntetchy · 16/11/2009 21:43

i like e cards, i think they are fine. She still thot about you. I often don't have time to go pick a card and post it. My best friends would know that and be happy with an e card. We often just send a text saying 'have a good birthday' and even if one of my bf forgets then sayd a few days later 'oh shit sorry forgot your birthday i understand, we are all busy with the chaos of young kids.

Original poster

Ozziegirly · 16/11/2009 22:39

Well, I didn't actually think I was BU, but I shall take the judgement and assume that in fact, I am.

Yes, I chose to move here, I hadn't realised that meant that I should be put out of my friend's lives to be honest.

I also hadn't realised that e cards were a normal thing to do to be honest. As a card sender (and clearly an environmental nightmare) I assumed that people liked an actual card with writing on to open up, rather than just an email. Clearly I should get with modern life....

I'm sure she did do it because of the postal strike - but my other close friend just posted a few days earlier, as did my Mum and Dad, so I don't think it's a brilliant excuse.....

OP posts:

Chulita · 17/11/2009 07:48

TBH, I think almost everyone would prefer to receive a paper card with proper writing on, some people are just more organised than others. I've got three half-made parcels that have sat under my sofa for 2 weeks now, one just needs a card written so I can post it for a birthday 10 days ago I'm definitely not the most organised of people!

SoupDragon · 17/11/2009 07:50

I'd prefer an e-card TBH. Less waste.

Vivia · 17/11/2009 08:04

I still don't understand why e-card friend is berated when other friend ignored OP's birthday two years running. Why is that ok and this not?

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