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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ridiculous about ds going to school in September?

41 replies

usamama · 16/11/2009 10:21

I already KNOW I am being unreasonable about this...
My ds will be 4 next June, and therefore, starting reception in September. I am dragging my feet in sending back his registration form; every time I think about him going to school, I feel awful, and I don't know why!! He is bright and social, so I don't think there would be a PROBLEM with him going to school...I'm just really struggling with the decision. The weird thing about this is that I am not normally overprotective...I WANT my children to try things and do some activities independently of me (they are both at playgroup 5 mornings a week, and it's so great for all of us!), so this has completely thrown me for a loop. Is it just a bit of jitters because he's my first 'baby', and school is just a huge thing???
I think I just need reassurance...I do know I'm being unreasonable!!!

OP posts:
MillyR · 16/11/2009 10:23

Send in the registration form. You do not have to take up the place if you change your mind later.

smee · 16/11/2009 10:23

Yes you are, but equally no you're not. It's gut wrenching to let them go, but equally important to let them. Hardest bit of parenting I think. Sad you aren't in an area where they do a January entry too though. I think school starts too early in the UK.

Juillet · 16/11/2009 10:24

Yanbu at all, it's far too soon for many kids to start school and lots of us feel the same - I chose to HE half way throughr eception as ds just didn't cope with it physically very well. He would forget to drink all day or something, come home knackered and cry and cry...fall asleep at 4pm then wake at 10 and be tearful the next morning.
It was stupid.

I think you might consider putting it off if you feel strongly, but you could just see how it goes.

I'd have HE'd for good if my family had been supportive of it, but luckily ds likes school anyway so it's not too bad now he is a bit bigger.

diddl · 16/11/2009 10:24

We moved abroad so that they started school at 6!

Original poster
usamama · 16/11/2009 10:25

I agree, smee...it's something I may still look into...thanks for the validation!

MillyR...thanks for that...it is better to have the place and decide not to take it.

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 16/11/2009 10:25

dont let him go to school if you dont want him to

school is not all its cracked up to be

Jamieandhismagictorch · 16/11/2009 10:27

Hard to let them go, but you aren't letting him go, as such. I have really, really enjoyed watching the way my sons have developed since they went to school. It's so exciting seeing them learn and develop. School is not some nightmare place full of bullies.

Being emotional about this in front of him would be doing him a great disservice (I've seen it in the playground), so chin up. It's not the end of something, it's the beginning of something else ....

Tryharder · 16/11/2009 10:37

My DS1 started school this September and really, really loves it, gets up in the morning excited about going, loves his teacher, has made loads of friends and is learning loads.

But he's an October baby and was "ready". DS2 is a June baby and who knows if he will be the same.

But YAB a bit U to worry so much - if your DS is already attending playgroup and likes it then he will probably love school and be absolutely fine. Reception is mostly playing anyway.

Shineynewthings · 16/11/2009 10:37

Deliberately biased here, but this is AIBU so i'm allowed a little. You ANBU it isn't unreasonable to not want to send a 4 year old to spend most of his/her day in an institutional setting. You don't have to legally yet, and not sending him straight away won't set him back in the slightest.

I HE now and funnily enough was going through some old photos the other day. Saw a picture of DS - all fat and round and short and lovely - in his school uniform and stopped and thought what was I doing? He was just a baby and spending all day in reception (summer born too) Why did I do that? I didn't have to work at the time. It was just something I did without thinking.

Listen to your gut instinct I say.

mankyscotslass · 16/11/2009 10:40

My PLB DS is starting school in September too.

We got given his school application on his 4th birthday, I refused to open it.

DH got fed up with me being in denial and did the form online, it's a formality as he will be at the same school as his siblings.

I am sure he will be fine.

Clary · 16/11/2009 10:42

usamama agree with what a lot of people on here say.

I would apply anyway and see what you think next summer. HE is an option you can take up if you like.

If you do send to school tho, let me urge you not to hold him back till Jan. I have seen it done and it's not good IMO.

Also IME - DS was in the last yr locally that did a January start and I don't think it did him any good in the long run. He would have been far better in school in sept with everyone.

JMO.

Ivykaty44 · 16/11/2009 10:43

why do we do it? Why do we send them off to school sooo young when/if they can be at home or at nursery playing.

Keep him home and do lots of playing let them be until they are older

Jamieandhismagictorch · 16/11/2009 10:47

My children needed to be at school. They were ready, I was ready. They were bored at home. I loved school and I expected that they would too. That's why most of us do it. And they do play at school. (and at home too when they get home).

FlamingoBingo · 16/11/2009 10:50

YANBU

I home educate and I'm only just starting to see glimmers of interest in more formal learning from DD1 (a mature 6.5yo). They're far too young for school settings at 4 IMO and you are feeling jittery because, deep down, you know it.

Anyway, the decision is yours, but if you don't want to send him then you don't have to. School certainly isn't necessary for children to learn efficiently and happily.

alypaly · 16/11/2009 10:57

mine went to preschool at 3yrs an tbh they are ready for it. Children are like sponges and they will absorb any info that is thrown at them. It is the best age for learning new things and they assimilate things faster than we think. I know the original poster will miss them and so did i ,but long term it is for their best interests not because you feel they should be at home. I know DS is your first but believe me....their mental capacity is huge. My DS1 was writing at 3.5yrs and i personally dont regret sending him to the preschool at his primary school.Did the same with DS2. In fact it was the first time DS1 ever slept through the night, since birth, after his first week there...he needed the mental stimulation and to learn about social integration,sharing etc.

lolapoppins · 16/11/2009 11:04

YANBU

I had the same feeling when my ds was approaching school age (altough he has a november birthday). I was dreading it from when he turned 3. He was like your son, sociable etc, but my instinct was knawing (sp?) away at me.

He lasted a year of pre school and half a year of reception, school didn't work out for him at all, my happy sociable child changed over night into an upset, angry, uhanppy little boy who I didn't regconise anymmore. We HE now and I have my lovely boy back.

I wish I had gone with my gut instinct at the beginning. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

fernie3 · 16/11/2009 11:10

YANBU my daughter started school this year and I still feel like this! It doesnt help that she has had one or two problems settling in and getting upset either .
The funny thing is that my daughter was the oldest in the year but she just doesnt seem ready for it somehow. My son who is only 3 seems like he would fit right in already!.
every child needs a different schedule.

If I was more organized I would love to homeschool but I feel I would let her down since I already have two younger children as well as other commitments and couldnt focus a huge amount of attention in the day on her education at home

smee · 16/11/2009 11:19

I think it's far from clear cut for many. DS struggles (Yr 1 now). Hates leaving me, and I think it's largely because the days are too long for him, but then again he's grown hugely as a person and is thriving in so many ways at school that the pros most definitely out weigh the cons. So hard to try and work out what's best though.

FlamingoBingo · 16/11/2009 11:27

Fernie - I have 4 children - the learning just 'happens', and they learn together. I find it's actually very efficient having them all at home as they learn from eachother and bounce ideas of eachother and inspire eachother.

Original poster
usamama · 17/11/2009 07:39

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I had a really good think about it all yesterday, and decided to fill in the form, and get him registered...with the understanding that if he is genuinely having a hard time once schools begins, we can always opt for HE for the rest of the Reception year. The state school he will (hopefully) go to is lovely, as well...and it's only down the road.

The thing I kept thinking about was how it gives me a bit of freedom as well, and though being home with the kids has been rewarding, with ds at school all day, and dd in morning playgroup sessions, I would actually have some time to do stuff on my own, which is actually nice to think about! I could also schedule things so that I'd have some really good one on one time with my dd, which we've never really had!!

So...thank you all again for responding...it was just nice to know that there are others who felt exactly the same!!

OP posts:
Rollmops · 17/11/2009 07:46

Hmm, aren't the kids supposed to start formal education the term after they turn 5?

cory · 17/11/2009 08:19

Ds was a very young 4 and I was a little nervous beforehand. Two things stand out in retrospect:

he grew and changed a lot in the months between being registered and actually attending. not really the same child.

even if he was no great shakes at the academic side of things, he still enjoyed the social side greatly. so it was still worth it from his pov.

FlamingoBingo · 17/11/2009 08:31

Who's that question directed at Rollmops? They have to start full-time education the term after they turn five - no mention of whether that is formal or not.

Rollmops · 17/11/2009 08:36

It was a general question. I have no intention in sending my kids to school until they are ripe 5 year olds[rollseyes]. It's still way too early, IMO.

weegiemum · 17/11/2009 08:39

I'm so glad I've never had to make this decision, as we're in Scotland, where the youngest you can possibly start is 4y5m and that is pretty much discouraged. My dd1 and ds both started at 5y6m and dd2 at 4y9m, and I feel dd2 was too young!!

I think the advice to register and then not send him if you don't feel he is ready is right. But in England a child will always have to go into the year group that they "should" be in, so you can defer but then you would miss reception.

We looked (vaguely at one point) into moving to England but with our children, we just can't! The 2 older ones would automatically be put up a year, regardless of how long that have been at school, so they would miss a whole year of schooling because of the rigid rules, and it put us right off.

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