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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to kind of want to pick our own present.. I am..

33 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 15/11/2009 18:42

I am being unreasonable, really. I know this. Get the pitch forks at the ready. I'm just kind of having a little luxury whinge.

MIL likes to go against anything to do with me, she quite obviously hates me for no apparent reason other than I have DH and DS and she wishes she had given birth to DS as she had a MC she never really got over. She makes life as difficult as poss in general, doesn't bother with DS but makes a big fuss over him being her grandson when it suits her (to other people of if she wants to make a life decision for him) etc. We live in the next street but she won't visit. She insists it should be us who visit her, so we do and then she makes us feel unwelcome.

So she asked us to let her know what we wanted between us for xmas. We said we didn't mind. She couldn't decide what she wanted so I got them seperate presents which I thought out and are very much 'them' IYSWIM. Anyway, she's kept on and on wanting to know what we want. She'd suggested things like a deep fat fryer etc but we'd never use something like that and she really didn't have a clue what to get.

We've just decorated and were going to buy a beautiful mirror but DH said well why don't we ask MIL if she wants to get us it for xmas, as it's less than she's wanting to spend anyway. I said ok, but we have VERY different taste to MIL so it would have to be to our taste.

DH rang MIL and explained we liked a mirror and would that be ok? She said yes but she has to pick the mirror. DH said we knew the sort of thing we were after and had seen a really nice one as we've bought everything else in a similar style. She said no way, she wants to pick the mirror.

So now I'm going to be stuck with a mirror I don't want and I'm going to have to put it on my newly decorated wall for eternity.

I've never had the money to actually decorate with wallpaper (rather than cheap-as-chips paint) in all my life, this is the first time, and we've just moved into our first home after a real fight, and a lot of paying off of debts from DH's previous relationship, to get a mortgage.

Why does she have to be awkwarddddddddddddddddddd [whinge-arse emoticon]

OP posts:
famishedass · 15/11/2009 18:53
  • did it ever occur to you that you might like the mirror she picks
Pushingonthrough · 15/11/2009 18:59

Why don't you ask her to buy something different and buy the mirror you really want yourself?

Sparkletastic · 15/11/2009 18:59

ask her for a voucher for the shop that sells the mirror you want!

OleOleOlentils · 15/11/2009 19:01

And if pushingonthrough's tactic doesn't work, say that you'll be fine without a present thanks, and if she likes she can make a donation to a charity of your choice on your behalf.

I think it's fine for her to pick a present she thinks you'll like generally, but when it is such a big feature of your front room, I think it's insane that you don't get a say.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 15/11/2009 19:27

Famished- I won't like it, she's orange obsessed and I'm orange-phobic.

DH is going to try to back out of that present now but it might be impossible. She has found a way to be extra awkward so she'll run with it.

OP posts:
Jux · 15/11/2009 19:39

You could put it on the stairs ("it makes it much lighter there, so useful") and buy the one you really want for the room.

PercyPigPie · 15/11/2009 19:46

Orange . No YANBU, I'd ask her to buy something else that you could Ebay - such as a chip fryer!

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/11/2009 21:04

Just because she buys you it as a present doesn't mean you have to hang it. After all, if she doesn't visit, how will she know?

GhoulsAreLoud · 15/11/2009 21:12

It's only a mirror, you can hide it anywhere, like whereyou said,she won't see it.

ilovetochat · 15/11/2009 21:22

buy the mirror you want now, hang it in place and say you found the perfect mirror so had to buy it, she can give money towards it or choose a different present.

woozlet · 15/11/2009 22:02

yanbu she sounds like a pita - you have said you have seen a mirror that you want and she is insisting on buying another one. Nice.

I'd tell her to get you something else - some sort of appliance might be good - pasta machine? panini maker? hot plate? etc.

Firawla · 15/11/2009 22:15

yes buy the one u want now then get dh to tell her change of plan we got that already, and she can go back to her deep fryer idea or whatever else, atleast that does not have to hang up in your front room

TheUsefulSuspect · 15/11/2009 23:24

I would tell her that she can take her mirror and shove it up her @rse.

She sounds like an idiot, why do people put up with these morons, I would stop visiting her until she can act towards you with some manners and stops being such a bitch.

This is really up to your Husband to sort out, seems like she has been a twat for years yet he lets it slide, has he always been a wimp, or is it just when Mummy is involved?

Uriel · 16/11/2009 01:00

Buy yours now. Practise saying - 'Oh, we couldn't wait till Christmas, mil' etc.

Or don't tell her and ebay hers - she'll never know because she doesn't visit.

jasper · 16/11/2009 01:15

I think you are being a bit unkind. You are automatically assuming it will be a horrid mirror.

It is perfectly normal to want to chose a gift for someone. Lots of people ( not me) quite reasonably think that vouchers, money, items picked by the recipient do not count as proper gifts.

Accept what she chooses with good grace. You might be pleasantly surprised

Tortington · 16/11/2009 02:13

tell her your DH surprised you by getting the mirror. tell her a box of chocolates would be fine.

VinegarTits · 16/11/2009 05:30

I agree to telling her you've already bought the mirror so she will have to think of something else

pippa251 · 16/11/2009 06:52

YANBU

Buy the mirror you want and tell her you couldn't wait (was in sale or something) then ask for vouchers or something specific for your child- so she may feel less inclined to dissapoint them. I do aggree that your DH needs to have a word with her- she is his mother- but if she wont visit stop visiting her and keep inviting her- by indulging her behaviour you will only reinforce it.

PS a big well done for not loosing your tempor with her all ready- total PITA

Tryingtobeorganisedthisyear · 16/11/2009 07:14

Yes-buy the mirror now...its focal point of your room,a waste of money if she gets something you don't like.

Most sensible people would get the one you like, or vouchers,money towards etc..

No present at all is better than having something you hate hanging on your wall.

BaconWheatCrunchies · 16/11/2009 07:25

YANBU buy the mirror!!

girlsyearapart · 16/11/2009 07:36

Yes buy the one you like.

Judging by her reaction she is probably scouring the shops for one you hate on purpose..

Can your DH get through to her?

MIL asked what we wanted and I said a velux blind and gave her the code and colour so no margin for error there. Dh told me off but I'd much rather we get something we actually need and after all she asked.

Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 07:51

My MOL is very similar - insists on choosing all presents herself and often gets it very wrong, and then gets super upset because we don't like what she has chosen.

I don't care in the slightest about upsetting her, however!

diddl · 16/11/2009 08:07

I can see why she wants to choose for herself though, otherwise it isn´t really a present, and she might as well just give you money.
That said, a lot of people would want to get the exact thing rather than "wasre" their money.

I blame your husband for mentioning a mirror in the first place.

I would get him to tell her that she buys the one you want or doesn´t bother.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 16/11/2009 20:27

MIL has been even worse today and her and DH have had a row. So new predicament- he's sick of her and isn't going round until she's visited us, but is upset that he's only got 1 parent left in this world and they're not on good terms.

She's so off with me though and now most of the family hardly speak to me when I've always got on well with them and nothing's happened so I don't know why they suddenly don't like me? Guess she's been shooting her mouth off once again.

She said she wants to pick a mirror as we'll no doubt pick something stupidly priced and well over £100. The mirror we want is actually £38 on sale from £70. She also wanted to know what mum's getting us- I don't know why that has any relevance.

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 16/11/2009 20:54

Oh dear not good.

Is there anyone else in his family you could ask what's going on?