to kind of want to pick our own present.. I am..

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

I am being unreasonable, really. I know this. Get the pitch forks at the ready. I'm just kind of having a little luxury whinge.

MIL likes to go against anything to do with me, she quite obviously hates me for no apparent reason other than I have DH and DS and she wishes she had given birth to DS as she had a MC she never really got over. She makes life as difficult as poss in general, doesn't bother with DS but makes a big fuss over him being her grandson when it suits her (to other people of if she wants to make a life decision for him) etc. We live in the next street but she won't visit. She insists it should be us who visit her, so we do and then she makes us feel unwelcome.

So she asked us to let her know what we wanted between us for xmas. We said we didn't mind. She couldn't decide what she wanted so I got them seperate presents which I thought out and are very much 'them' IYSWIM. Anyway, she's kept on and on wanting to know what we want. She'd suggested things like a deep fat fryer etc but we'd never use something like that and she really didn't have a clue what to get.

We've just decorated and were going to buy a beautiful mirror but DH said well why don't we ask MIL if she wants to get us it for xmas, as it's less than she's wanting to spend anyway. I said ok, but we have VERY different taste to MIL so it would have to be to our taste.

DH rang MIL and explained we liked a mirror and would that be ok? She said yes but she has to pick the mirror. DH said we knew the sort of thing we were after and had seen a really nice one as we've bought everything else in a similar style. She said no way, she wants to pick the mirror.

So now I'm going to be stuck with a mirror I don't want and I'm going to have to put it on my newly decorated wall for eternity.

I've never had the money to actually decorate with wallpaper (rather than cheap-as-chips paint) in all my life, this is the first time, and we've just moved into our first home after a real fight, and a lot of paying off of debts from DH's previous relationship, to get a mortgage.

Why does she have to be awkwarddddddddddddddddddd [whinge-arse emoticon]

I too am not so keen on this idea that you demand your own present. dh's family however are totally into this so have got used to it. At least it means I can blatantly ask for what I want! And I don't think there is anything wrong with this if it is how things work in a family - personally for me part of gift giving is taking the time to choose something you thing the recipient will like and not putting the order in.

In this situation given that she has been asking you for what you want i think its kind of strange that having told her she won't buy it though. wtf?

Buy it yourself, claim that the sale was going to end and you really wanted this mirror. And ask for something that matters less or you can return. I mean let her buy the deep fat fryer - you can take it back to somewhere like john Lewis without the reciept and exchange for something you really want instead.

Oh it's progressed. She's now said that she's getting us the exact same one she's got. Noooooo.

So I'm going to do the 'oh it was on sale, I had to get it' thing.

AliceT- I'm all for picking out presents too. What's better than someone taking the time to think what you'd like and getting it. But most of all, I like to do it for other people as it shows care doesn't it? In-laws eh.

Do you have a sister who come round when she is there and criticise it loudly?

Jeez, how glad I am that we only buy for children!

Can´t you tell her just to buy for the children, or just to get you some chocolates each-something a bit special that you wouldn´t buy yourselves?

For 38GBP, the mirror would already be up in my house!

What sort of thing do you buy her?

What I don't understand though is why, when you said in your OP that she kept asking and asking what you would like, you didn't simply name something that she could not get wrong?
You could have asked for something that you either want or just don't care about and pay for the mirror yourselves. Why, given that she seems to have form, did you ask her re something that was important.
I would have asked for something that we need but don't care about - like a new iron or coffeee maker or towels or such shite and spent that money on the mirror. Then everyone is happy.

Some people really do like to choose - as odd as it sounds.

YANBU!

Towels, dammit, towels would have been lovely. I didn't think of that. Mine are all getting crispy.

Diddl- I get her things like handbags, make up, next perfumey set things but generally stick to a theme like say she was having a loungey phase and I got her PJs, I'd get her PJs, slippers, hot chocci set, bath stuff and pamper goodies.

For 10 years my MIL got me next vouchers. I hate next.... but my sister wore great clothes for free - for 10 years!

Until I finally asked her if we could get some other kind of vouchers if she didn't fancy picking a gift - so I got M&S vouchers.... I am only 33 now, and for the past 3 years I have been buying them their birthday gifts from M&S (with the vouchers they bought me!)

This year I plucked up the courage & asked for vouchers from a local shop where I actually do buy clothes from - hopefully i'll be able to use them this year

I'm not ungrateful though, some people just really don't know what to buy!