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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this Mum was over reacting?

54 replies

ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:20

Am genuniney interseted to see what others opinion is on this...

In Nando's today, early tea time, family on the table next to us arrived and were being seated. Boy with them asked to use the toliet, Dad says go ahead. Mum completley aghast 'you can't let him go on his own, he's 7, anyone could be in there!!'. Dad shugs and escorts lad to loos, to which the door was right next to their table. It wasn't busy, and this particular Nando's is on one of those, don't know what you call them, estates maybe? That has bowling complex, cinemas, eating places, out of the way,not a busy town centre.

I would have thought that at age 7, in this situation he would have been ok going on his own? I'm not judging this Mum, maybe just seeing if if it was me and I let him (have two younger Ds's and so am bound to encounter this situation at some point) would I be being carless to let him go on his own?

OP posts:
toddlerama · 14/11/2009 22:22

I think I would probably have felt the same as the mum. Cant see what difference the location makes - still could be anyone in there. YABU.

BikiniBottom · 14/11/2009 22:23

No you wouldn't imo. People are too operprotective. Children must be allowed to learn some independence. Frankly I think it is ridiculous. I had a mum criticise me for letting my dd go to the loo in Starbucks by herself and at the time I was silly enough to listen to her despite being able to see the door from where I was sitting.

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:23

what age do you let them go on their own then?

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 14/11/2009 22:25

DS wanted to go to the gents on his own from about age 6. And I let him, mostly.

Wineonafridaynight · 14/11/2009 22:26

No - I don't think you are being unreasonble at all. It seems fine for a kid of about 7 to me. But each to their own I guess.

lilolilmanchester · 14/11/2009 22:27

Yes, at 7 a child is perfectly capable of going on their own. However, I know personally of a 10 yr old child who was molested in a toilet in a very respectable shopping centre, so actually, I would not let a young child go on their own.

ShinyAndNew · 14/11/2009 22:27

My dd1 (5) goes on her own now in places like Maccyd's. In pubs no way. Nando's probably.

The reason being she goes every two minutes and we are often alone just the three of us. Dd2 would howl the place down if I took her away from her food every five minutes. Plus it would mean constantly gathering up all our valuables etc and hauling them with us too. T'is easier just to let her go alone. Going with her would be impractical.

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:27

BikiniBottom - I think this is what makes me think she was over reacting...they were sat right next to to the loos. Dad didn't seem see the problem with it but Mum was horrified at the thought

OP posts:
borderslass · 14/11/2009 22:28

I think it depends where you are a girl of about 10 or 11 was raped in a toilet a couple of years ago.

acebaby · 14/11/2009 22:28

I am starting to let DS go on his own and he is 4. I loiter outside though . I am trying to encourage him to be more independent.

I certainly hope that by 7, he will be able to manage himself.

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:29

toddlerama - I think the fact that it's family place, surrounded by only family places would make a difference? It's not in a busy town centre surrounded by pubs.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:32

acebaby - see that seems young to me My eldest is 4 in March and I can't imagine letting him go on his own for a while (probably by the time he is 7 though!) But this is mainly because I'd want to make sure he doesn't put his fingers all over the urinal and then not wash his hands, he's not very good at hygiene!

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 14/11/2009 22:32

it was a "child friendly" place where the child I know was molested tho. It's not just about whether the children can "manage" on their own. By all means, let them go on their own, they need to learn independence, but don't leave them alone too long.

oscarwildesmuse · 14/11/2009 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BikiniBottom · 14/11/2009 22:38

surely lilolil that was a very rare occurence. But yes you are right I always keep an eye on time and I am on tenderhooks till they return but that is always going to be the way even when they are teenagers and going out with friends or adults living on their own.

devotion · 14/11/2009 22:39

I can kind of see your point but after hearinf about that young girl who got raped in a supermarket toilet last year or the year before I am more on the ball now.

We were in a family friendly pub today and my dd just said "going to the toilet" and ran in. I followed her in after about a minute to check she was ok.

I just would not want to risk it and 7 is very young.

devotion · 14/11/2009 22:40

and the other thing about 7 year olds is they probably would not worry too much about a bit of someone else's wee on the seat. i always like to check its clean b4 they use it and if its a busy toilet i will clean it with soap and water first.

lilolilmanchester · 14/11/2009 22:41

surely it was a rare occurrence. Bikinibottom. But when it happens so close to home, in an otherwise decent area, you don't take the risk - and you don't judge others who are over-protective perhaps for similar reasons.

TheCrackFox · 14/11/2009 22:41

DS1 started going to the loo by himself when he was 7. He is very tall for his age so looks a lot older so I couldn't really take him into the ladies anymore.

TBH I am not entirely comfortable with it.

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:42

owm - not really, I'm just interested in what others deem to be the right age to let their kids go to the loo on their own. It was this incident that got me thinking about it. No big deal

OP posts:
FluffyPumpkins · 14/11/2009 22:42

I would have to agree with the mum.

acebaby · 14/11/2009 22:43

you may be right chickandduck. I find it very difficult to judge risk and 'let go'. Given the chance, I'd still be supervising his handwashing when he starts university!

I am pretty selective and only let him go into a loo alone if I see Dads bringing their children in (for example at a restaurant or wildlife park). And I am immediately outside with hand sanitizer at the ready. He really seems to benefit from the trust and responsibility with this and other things (like letting him cross the very quiet road outside our house himself).

littleblu · 14/11/2009 22:43

my 7 yr old son desperately wants to go on his own into the gents, but I'm not that happy about it. I prefer him to come with me to the ladies. He went in the gents at the cinema recently and then told me that the man next to him had pulled his shirt right up whilst weeing and had a hairy willy, so I was horrified as this didn't sound right to me. I got him to point the man out and he was suffering from Downs (I think) so whilst I understand that it wasn't a pervert next to him, ds was a bit scared of what happened.

It's a difficult decision and I base it on where we are and if I think there will be alot of adults around, in which case I don't let him.

I don't even really like those soft play places on two floors, and when your child is on the floor that you aren't, they go to the loo on their own. Whilst we all like to think that the other parents there are fine, you just NEVER know do you.

Maybe I'll never stop worrying about them!!

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 14/11/2009 22:43

TheCrackFox - that's another interesting point actually... When is a child too old to use the opposite sex's toliets? At what age is it inappropriate to take your son into the ladies or vice versa?

OP posts:
borderslass · 14/11/2009 22:45

I took my son into the ladies until about 9 but he does have special needs.