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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want me to work on a weekend as it affects his social life!

37 replies

mrsmarzipan · 13/11/2009 17:28

Hi want some honest opinions on this as think my friends may just be humouring me!

I am due back to work after having DC2 in a few months and due to child care costs we would be hundreds of pounds a month better off if i work 2 week days plus every other saturday, rather than 3 days each week.
DH refuses to discuss it as it will affect his social life (he plays sport on a sat) and he needs a "blow out" after a busy week at work (he does work late each night too).
I can understand this and am i being selfish? I think he thinks i am just trying to work less even though i have shown him the workings out.
Its driving me nuts and i want to know if i am being unreasonable before confronting him about it.
Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 13/11/2009 17:31

YANBU

I would have understood your DH's concerns if he had said "but I like spending quality time with the family" or "I am worried you are taking on too much", but his reasonings all seem to revolve his needs and wants. Selfish twat.

pippa251 · 13/11/2009 17:35

YANBU but it all depends on what you both find most important- the extra cash or the weekend sport.

If the shoe was on the other foot would he change his work / sociable hours to let you do something you enjoy

It may be worth pointing out that he is assuming you will always be available to look after your child at the weekend even when your back at work- when is your down time?

mazzystartled · 13/11/2009 17:42

At least he is being honest - he values his free time more than additional money. It may seem selfish, but if he will be miserable you have to ask yourself if the extra cash is worth it.

You need to work out the pros and cons for the whole family of changing your working pattern.

ruddynorah · 13/11/2009 17:42

how long is the 'sport' for and how long would you be working?

as it's every other weekend is there maybe a nice grandparent or aunt who'd like to have the children while the 'sport' is going on? this may obviously mean no after sport pub type activities.

Bonsoir · 13/11/2009 17:45

Why don't you get a babysitter on Saturdays so that you can work and your DH can do sport?

pointydogg · 13/11/2009 17:49

what exactly does he do on saturdays?

groundhogs · 14/11/2009 10:07

It's every other saturday...?

I think he IS being unreasonable tbh. But perhaps if still financially viable, a babysitter on those days and his social activities won't be impinged by his children...

How's your social life OP?

Grr men!

Arwenwasrobbed · 14/11/2009 10:58

Why grrr men - Its sport - so what, its keeping fit which is very important as part of a balanced life style -and surly he's entitled to a social life as much as his wife The op has already said he works late most nights. If she wanted to do a pottery course or go to the gym who would be against her getting a baby sitter???

moondog · 14/11/2009 11:00

What a selfish fucker.

JodieO · 14/11/2009 11:02

What moondog said

Arwenwasrobbed · 14/11/2009 11:13

Why is he a selfish fucker????? She's not say her job will go down the tubes if she doesn't do the Saturdays just that they will have more money - He wants a social so fucking what ????

He is wrong not to discuss it though!

Arwenwasrobbed · 14/11/2009 11:40

social live - even

Original poster
mrsmarzipan · 14/11/2009 11:57

Thanks everyone, interesting points of view.

He plays rugby each weekend and we could possibly get a babysitter on the weekends that I work. Just don't see why it is such a big ask from him as he could still play every other weekend and its not like i get any time to do any sport or have a "blow out!".

OP posts:
Arwenwasrobbed · 14/11/2009 12:19

If he plays for a team as my DH does they would not be happy with him turning up only every other weekend.

And you sound like a big girl - make your self some time for goodness sake - or would that make you a selfish fucker????

Malificence · 14/11/2009 14:19

He's a dad and the children come first imho, he should relish the time alone with them.
We're not talking an extra £50, if it is seriously £100's a month you will be gaining then it's the sensible option surely?

Are there no doting grandparents who would love to help out either? Does he need a WHOLE Saturday just to play rugby , a couple of hours would seem more likely.

malovitt · 14/11/2009 14:27

Let him play his rugby and get a babysitter.

You can't turn up alternate weekends when you're in a team.

Arwenwasrobbed · 14/11/2009 14:30

A grown up needs to exersise and socialise - in general women talk and men play sport. He's a dad but he's also a person in his right. She says he works late in the eve why is he not entitled to some me time??? She could go out on a Sunday and he could have some ''kid time''. And whats a few hundred pounds a month compared to a healthy and happy well balanced father?? Children need good role model's who know how to live a balanced life style not more money and a martyer attitude

nomoralfibre · 14/11/2009 14:31

It doesn't sound like he spends much time at all with the kids if he works late all week and takes every Saturday as his sports day/morning. You are certainly not being ynreasonable.

pithyslicker · 14/11/2009 14:37

I think what it boils down to is you are asking him to give up rugby.

sazzerbear · 14/11/2009 14:46

He should remember the sacrifices you have to make when you have a family, whether it suits you or not! If you can manage on your salary working 3 days a week, at least you'll get the weekends off as well!

girlsyearapart · 14/11/2009 14:52

Can't decide if you're U or not..

True if he plays for a team he won't be able to go every other week.

If it were the gym or whatever then fair enough.

It is a bit U though if it's for you to work- after all you don't mind losing out on your own social life.

I can see it from his point of view too though as my DH works nights at weekends until 3 ish am so I have no social life at the weeekends unless I organise babysitter and still have to get up with the dds in the morning which takes lot of the pleasure out of having a drink!

JodieO · 14/11/2009 17:07

What's a few hundred pounds a month? Erm, quite a lot of money imo. There are plenty of ways people can unwind without it impacting on someone else's job or even weekend.

How late is late during the week that he works?

It's every other week, I'm sure it wouldn't kill him to miss his precious social time for the sake of more money and so his children can see him, every other Saturday.

Maybe it's just me though as weekly sports on a weekend when you have a family is one of my bugbears. I'm assuming it's from when my exh would never leave the house when the football was on at the weekend even if the kids wanted to go out, it was a lovely day, we had things planned etc. So I did them on my own with the kids, he's the one that missed out though.

rimmer08 · 14/11/2009 17:55

what a cock. him not you

pointydogg · 15/11/2009 17:50

If he plays rugby with a team every week, I don't think he should give it up. He might be giving up one of the few hobbies he really enjoys. Maybe he would rather pay a couple of hundred pounds a month than not play rugby.

You seem to want to rearrange your working hours on the basis that your dh can do the childcare but the problem is he can't do the childcare. So you still have that to sort out.

Although I do hope you can also make time to do something you really enjoy every week, marzipan.

pugsandseals · 15/11/2009 18:05

Just a different point of view-

I am on the flip side of the coin where my boss is constantly on at me to work Saturday's when I would rather be with the family. I am not going to give in.

Surely, it should be a family decision?

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