to not want me to work on a weekend as it affects his social life!

[mrsmarzipan]

Hi want some honest opinions on this as think my friends may just be humouring me!

I am due back to work after having DC2 in a few months and due to child care costs we would be hundreds of pounds a month better off if i work 2 week days plus every other saturday, rather than 3 days each week.
DH refuses to discuss it as it will affect his social life (he plays sport on a sat) and he needs a "blow out" after a busy week at work (he does work late each night too).
I can understand this and am i being selfish? I think he thinks i am just trying to work less even though i have shown him the workings out.
Its driving me nuts and i want to know if i am being unreasonable before confronting him about it.
Thanks in advance!

YANBU - he needs to understand he's a married man now, with family responsibilities. The life he wants to lead is the life of a single man - he's made he's choice, now he has to live with it.

famishedass - aren't married people allowed hobbies?

Yep that's what I was thinking bonsoir..

Within reason at least. My sister managed to keep up her rowing after her first dc was born but it was a v demanding training schedule with events on top of that and after 3dcs she just couldn't keep it up. She now goes to the gym,cycling and does an evening class in tap though so there's always a compromise.

Rowing is very time consuming, I agree. It suits us that DSS1 rows three x 3 hours per week, but I doubt it will suit his GF/DW in future

The OP has not said they are skint - has not said he's a feckless git who spends no time with the kids - but she wants him to give up a fab fun sport that's a great example to his kids - fitness, stress relief and socialising, all in one because she wants to earn more money.

If this had been reversed as in My DH wants me to give up my ''social interest /gym time/ time talking to friends'' so he can earn more money, everyone would have been up in arms lol

I personally love a fit guy (makes for a nice bum )? we have a great social life trough my husbands team and 3 of them coach the kids team on a Sunday. Most of them have families who we also socialise with ? loads of Barbies /picnic etc. .

I get the impression from some posts that some women just want a man who does nothing but work and family stuff ? I would hate to live with such a boring and limited person and to be honest would hate to be one ? I love having me time ? makes me a much better Mum

And op if you are short of cash /he never see's the kids ? that's different ? but you haven't said so, you just sound resentful of him having some me time ? I though your pathetic ''when do I ever get me time'' was very sad ? unless you are in an emotionally abusive relationship ? you are responsible for your own emotional/social happiness to a great degree ? make your own me time!

As long as you have as much free time for hobbies in the week as he does then it's fine.

We pay someone on Sunday mornings for 4 hours and that's worked well for years but I earn a lot more than she's paid so the economics are probably different from in your family. (Encourage your daughters to choose careers that pay a lot!)

makes sense to work every other saturday (if you are happy to) to save in childcare costs etc

i can understand that dh wants to carry on playing rugby - so seems to me the ideal situation is to get a nanny/babysitter/ask friends/gp's etc to arrange childcare on the saturady you work

don't understand why he can't just pay for/arrange childcare when he wants to go out

Very interesting points.

I suppose there is some truth in the post that said i sounded resentful of his me time.
We are not skint but the extra money would certainly come in useful as it would to anyone.
It annoys me that it is up to me to arrange childcare as they are his kids too. I did play sport until i fell pregnant with DC2 and would like to play again but as its one evening each week it depends on him getting home from work in time. I would never get on at him for not being here as he is at work earning money so why is it a problem the other way round? I do not want him to give up his social life and wouldn't have a problem if he arranged a babysitter (he has family near by,i don't).
I think its just the fact he refuses to discuss it that is annoying me more!

Thanks for the advice!

Mrsmarzipan - in my feminist ideal world my DH would be fab at thinking like a woman and seeing that what I need him to do is arrange childcare/social events for the kids, dress the kids in coordinating colours, know Pringles are not a food group and buying Power rangers video's is not what we do etc... but in reality he's crap at stuff like that but is a fab cook, makes me laugh and can use a drill and play/talk football with the boys, all of which I'm pretty poor at- I could learn to do it but to be honest can't be arsed. I think a lot of good co-parenting is about playing to each others strengths and giving some leeway on each others failings

I do so agree that not talking about it is crap ? but he's probably got his fingers in his ears going lalala as he thinks your going to say give up Rugby.

Arrange the childcare and put in writing where and when to pick up the kids or whatever. Re the sport use the extra money for a baby sitter for your night off ? or trade with a friend if you can.

You sound a great mum just a bit frustrated ? hate to say it but a lot of the Men are from Mars etc. stuff is true particularly re communication.