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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no children are invited?

39 replies

MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 14:48

I'm celebrating a big birthday next month and will be going out on my actual birthday (midweek) for a nice meal with DP & DD, and then we're having a boozy houseparty the following weekend, which coincides with DD being away at a sleepover. With no DD we decided to make it adults only so we can get nicely trollied without worrying about any children (will have enough of a job worrying about the drunk adults lol!). I haven't really done invites but emailed everyone the details, stating "adults only" a couple of times

My aunt emailed back to ask if the invite included my 6 year old cousin . I replied that it didn't because it was adults only. She is now ranting to all the rest of the family about how unfair it is that she can't come because it's no kids (she has plenty of people who can and do babysit), and she would never exclude children from a family occasion, blah blah blah. My grandma rang my mother to see if 'anything could be done about it' FFS

If ever I've organised any kind of do it's ALWAYS included kids, I love having kids around, and I never really make a fuss of my birthday, but just for ONCE I want to relax on my birthday in my own house with my family and friends and a bottle of wine (or few).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Morloth · 11/11/2009 14:50

Don't cave, not everything is about the kids.

She can sort childcare or she can't come. Not. Your. Problem.

nellie12 · 11/11/2009 14:52

thought you wre going to say wedding but since it is a birthday party and your dd wont be there then YADNBU

bigchris · 11/11/2009 14:52

yanbu

if she has lots of babysitters politely suggest she uses one of them

LynetteScavo · 11/11/2009 14:53

YANBU

I would never take DC's to an evening party.

bigchris · 11/11/2009 14:56

does she mean all her free babysitters will be at the party?

so she'll have to pay for one?

not really getting why she's so cross or is she always a pita

mazzystartled · 11/11/2009 14:59

YANBU

It's not a "family occasion" -it's a grown-up's party. The kid would have a shite time anyway.

Original poster
MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 15:03

Wedding or daytime party I agree completely different, but this is a boozy evening party.

Her free sitters are def not coming, her DH doesn't 'do' parties and I haven't invited my grandma as it's not her scene so either of them could easily have my cousin.

She is quite a pita on things like this tbh, she brought him to the last family party (a 50th birthday at a social club a few months ago) and he spent the whole time whinging about how boooooored he was while she sat on her arse expecting everyone else to entertain him.

I love her dearly and she is great fun, but just seems to be so clingy where her son is concerned - but she's making this my fault as I'm mean not inviting children

OP posts:
kittykitty · 11/11/2009 15:06

I have a variation on this issue. We're arranging a Xmas dinner party. It's always been an evening thing for adults, but one friend has had bad luck with babysitters and one year when she hosted it, let her children stay up until midnight with us, and it caused a bit of a strain on the evening. This year, she and another couple seem to be presuming that despite this being dinner, that their kids are invited. What's the polite way to stress that the evening is for grownups only without causing ructions all round?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/11/2009 15:09

YADNBU.

mazzystartled · 11/11/2009 15:09

kitty - just tell them straight- it's a grown up dinner party. no reasonable person would be offended

PrettyCandles · 11/11/2009 15:10

YANBU. You have been completely upfront about it. You just have to accept that some people will be offended. Make sure they know that your own dc are not invited, either!

Original poster
MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 15:10

Having DD away at a sleepover has really helped (apart from the grumpy aunty ) as there's none of the usual "Well they can just play upstairs with DD" assumption

OP posts:
Original poster
MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 15:11

To be fair no-one else has whinged (to my face )

OP posts:
TheMightyToosh · 11/11/2009 15:12

Put a positive spin on it in the invite and say it is deliberately adults only so as to give everyone (not least you!) a nice child-free evening to look forward to.

I agree if it was a daytime family thing it would be very different, but an adult party is different. It's only the same as if you were going out for the evening, the DCs wouldn't be invited then would they!

displayuntilbestbefore · 11/11/2009 15:12

yanbu at all. I was invited to a friend's birthday party not so long ago and she stated it was an evening do for adults only and hoped no-one minded - and no-one did! dh and I only too glad to have a night out without children. Don't see why people always think children should be invited to every single occasion!

Romanarama · 11/11/2009 15:14

How ridiculous, evening parties aren't for children. Tell her to organise a babysitter like everyone else in the world does.

gingerkirsty · 11/11/2009 15:15

YADNBU and controversially we didn't include kids in our wedding invites either - nothing wrong with wanting a lovely grown up celebration in my book!

Original poster
MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 15:15

Thankyou all, you have relieved my guilt and stopped me considering (for a very small moment) caving!

I have said to her that it's no kids as we don't even have DD home that night, and how nice would it be for us all to relax kid-free and have a few drinks, blah blah. I guess it's up to her if she comes or not in the end.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 11/11/2009 15:26

YANBU - I can't think of anything worse for the kids - attending an adult boozy party.

MistergodthisisSal · 11/11/2009 15:27

YANBU.

Evening parties with ds (much as I love him!) doesn't work. He'll be tired, I won't relax = no win. Whilst it then means there are occasions where we can't attend (no babysitter etc), it doesn't bother me at all when it's adults only - doesn't happen every day, so quite a nice change to stop worrying for a bit!

Hope you have a fantastic birthday!

StealthPolarBear · 11/11/2009 15:34

if her own DH is going (the child's father??) then how on earth does she expect people to be sympathetic to 'she can't go because her DS isn't invited'?

sadlynoNOTthatPeachy · 11/11/2009 15:38

perfectly fine to say no kids

Only time it rankles IMO is when inviter then gets arsey because invitee cannot attend, or fails to relaise that some people will be feeling a bit left out (more for a wedding or similar than house party though)

(actually I do think wedding are a bit more community events but house parties?- nah. not the ones I have ben to,anyway)

AmericanHag · 11/11/2009 15:56

YANBU. Your party, your rules.

In my group of friends, whenever there's an "adult only" party, a couple of people always bring their kids anyway. Yes, it's rude but they BIG FAT do it anyway.Rules don't apply to them, apparently.

Is it likely that your aunt will bring your cousin regardless?

Original poster
MadreInglese · 11/11/2009 16:05

Oh god I hope she doesn't, I'll be mightily hacked off if she just turns up with him

Don't think she'd dare though

OP posts:
curryfreak · 11/11/2009 16:46

Your party your rules. Sounds great. An adult only party with no kids!
I'd welcome it if it were me.