to get annoyed when MIL let's herself into my house?

[wolfear]

She does a little knock and then comes in calling 'hellooooooooo'. Okay, so the door is unlocked, but still, I could be running around in the nude (not that I ever do... but I could be). I guess I should just lock the door, but shouldn't she wait til I let her in??

The only way of leaving my front door 'unlocked' would be to leave it open. You have to have a key to open it at all.

Do I live in some weird-door district?

Sorry Naanynina, but I hope to god Im nothing like my MIL when my 2 boys grow up..;(

If my front door is shut it is also locked. It only opens with a key.
I am not paranoid. It is my door.You could move in with me andthen it would cease to be a problem. Or buy a door like mine.

I grew up on the borders of Teesside/North Yorks/Durham, a "nice" area no barbed wire apart from around the young offenders institute! Front door always locked back door always open.

I guess we haven't got much worth stealing here and the house is so small and open plan I can hear the garden gate being opened regardless where I am. Live on a council estate btw.

I'm a born and bred Londoner and YANBU. I would move.

Wolfear, have we got the same Mil???

I had to give Dp an ultimatum, change the locks or I move out.

Mil used to let herself in without knocking before or anything, then look for me inside the house, including in our bedroom, or in the bathroom. I have stopped playing the guitar, as I couldn't hear her coming in. She used to frighten the life out of me.

When I was at work, she used to come in and rummage through our mail, our drawers etc. She got caught reading Dp's bank statement (so concentrated on it, she didn't hear ME come in), then stuttered that she thought it was her husband's. WTF? She also changed all my kitchen cupboards contents around, saying it was more convenient her way. I have found her sitting on the edge of my bed as I lay asleep, about a week after DD1 was born.

As for Fil, he has come in the bathroom while I was having a shower, looking for me.

It came to blows as I couldn't sleep anymore, wouldn't put the music on anymore, wouldn't walk around in my undies, would get undressed superquickly in my room for fear they should walk in. I was a paranoid wreck.(they used to "pop in" 3, 4 times a day!!

Dp changed the locks, the ils demanded a spare for months, we held on, and I have now learnt to live again (iyswim).

We only give them a key when we go away on holiday, and that's bad enough. Last time, Mil found a tiny Disney toy underneath DD1's mattress (as small as half of my little finger). DD1 sleeps in a wooden elevated bed, so to get there, you'd have to climb up the ladder and run your hands along the edges underneath the mattress. .
She also gave me a book of mine, proudly announcing that she found it deep underneath my bed, "you must have been looking for that for a long time!".

Sorry for the essay, OP, you've touched a raw nerve...

To me, YAdefNBU.

Holy crap, Tomatefarcie!! I couldn't hack that, I'd have cracked up and screamed in their faces I think!

I need my privacy, I don't like anyone just dropping round, much less letting themselves in my house.

My (not quite)SIL does this. She has a key (incase we lock ourselves out) but she uses it every time she comes over. It used to really really bother me and had words about it with my other half, explaining that I could be in the middle of cavorting round the room naked (this is obv pre dd). Living in a flat our compromise was that she could let herself into the main building but to knock at our front door.

We moved a few years ago to a top floor flat of a house and somehow we've gone back to her letting herself in the main front door and then the front door to our house. It still irks me somewhat because that's not what I would do, I still knock on my mum's door (even though I have a key) unless I know for sure that she is out and she knows I'm coming. It's polite and respects other's boudaries. I'm a very private person so it doesn't sit well with me. I feel invaded somewhat.

Over the years, I've learned to live with it but I don't really like it. If she's over after work then I guess (churlish smiley) it's more convenient as I might be putting daughter to bed, but at the weekends? Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhh ANNOYING but then I guess I'm just a bitch!

Wolfear - no you're quite right I don't know your MIL but I do just get so fed up of hearing these trivial complaints about mils and when you are one yourself it somehow seems more personal. I would have thought that if you mil does the things that you say (which is inexcusable) then you would have posted about those things, rather than the trivial matter of the front door?

WOW Cakeywakwy - thanks SO much for your support - much needed on these mil threads I can tell you. Suspect there are not many mils and grandmothers on MN and that's why there aren't "My dil does/doesn't do this that and the next thing" sites but sometimes I wish there was!

To get respect Nana nina you have to earn it, does'nt matter if your the MIL or the DIL, it works both ways.
To some, they are not 'trivial complaints' as you put it, some feel they are justified.
Some times, things just get so on top of you, you feel you have to vent it, I guess, as with the op with the door issue.
Were you one of the lucky ones and have/ or had a great mother in law?
Some off us are not so fortunate.

My PIl's have a key for the door and let themselves in whenever they come round. If we are in, both doors are always open and if I pop out for a short run (supermarket etc) then the door stays open too. I live in a wee town and was brought up with parents who got embarassed if someone was waiting on the doorstep.
It is only a bother for us if we are having some 'us time', but even then it is just embarassing for us! If they were the type to riffle through personal belongings then it would be an issue.
However, yanbu if it is something you don't like and you maybe need to broach the subject with her.

I'm a door locker. Ds2 would happily escape through an unlocked door.

I consider myself to live in a decent area BUT we were leafleted by the police saying lock your bloody doors as people do just walk in during the day and nick your stuff and they are targeting your nice houses

I hate my front door as it has a handle you can pull down on the outside. I want a yale lock that you cannot open from the outside without a key.

If anyone were to use a key without my consent I would leave a key in the lock half turned so they couldn't open the door.

I like my privacy. To the back door users, stick a note on your door saying to go round the back. It is a big thing round here (Yorkshire) I had to tell the postman etc that I used the front door, I didn't want them to walk all the way down the side and round the back of my house to the back door. This involved going through a bolted gate that is locked to keep my children safely in the back garden!

at Tomatefarcie, looking for you in the shower WTF? Creepy.

Nananina

I loathe the threads bitching about tiny or imaginary offences comitted by MILs but I would be very annoyed if my MIL - or my mother for that matter - just let themselves in.

Very bad manners IMO unless you have quite clearly been told it is ok.

Nananina - you are a crusader for the MILs hey?

"I would have thought that if you mil does the things that you say (which is inexcusable) then you would have posted about those things, rather than the trivial matter of the front door?"

"IF she does do the things you say" - well, she does. I'm not making it up for effect you know?! The reason I didn't post about these as I know I'm not being unreasonable about being annoyed at this behaviour. I was questioning whether I was being unreasonable about the door entering thing. It's not trivial to me.

If someone has something to say about their MIL, it's not a personal attack on you. I'm sure you're a lovely MIL.