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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed when MIL let's herself into my house?

64 replies

wolfear · 09/11/2009 22:21

She does a little knock and then comes in calling 'hellooooooooo'. Okay, so the door is unlocked, but still, I could be running around in the nude (not that I ever do... but I could be). I guess I should just lock the door, but shouldn't she wait til I let her in??

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 09/11/2009 23:53

[groin]

SlartyBartFast · 09/11/2009 23:53

[wank]
would be a good emocion?

summerstorm · 10/11/2009 00:09

I have keys for all but one of my son's and therefore dil's houses I usually knock and if the door is unlocked walk in They would wonder what was wrong if I waited outside. They all have keys for my house and often stop by when I am not in. My sil had to change their locks recently and first thing he did when I next saw him was give me a key for the new lock. Maybe I have an odd relationship with my family but it seems to work for us

diddl · 10/11/2009 07:34

When ours is unlocked, you still can´t get in from the outside!

MmeLindt · 10/11/2009 07:41

Hmm, was about to post that YABU and then I realised that I ring the bell and wait at my brother's house. He moved in with his girlfriend, now wife so it has always been SIL's house.

I suspect this is one of the situations in which we react differently if it is our own parents/siblings or our partner's parents/siblings.

Not saying that it is right, but there is a difference.

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2009 07:48

well mum and MIL both do this, which annoys me, but IABVU as when they looked after DS when I was working last year I wanted them to do this, or let themsleves in with a key. Don't know why it feels annoying now, but it's me, not them!

madrush · 10/11/2009 07:53

Again it's just one of these different families have different ways. I've always given my parents spare keys for my house on the unspoken agreement that spares are for when I've locked myself out or they're popping around and we're not in.

Gave spare key to parents-in-law. Apparently other people find it ok to let themselves into someone else's home even if that person's in.

Somehow DH is also on my wavelength with it, even thought they're (obviously) his parents.

Drives me nutty, but it'd cause too much offence to say anything (and they're not local so it's not a frequent thing). I've noticed that as she ages my MIL is often finding it easier to ring the bell than find the keys in her bag and get them into the door effectively without getting flustered....

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 10/11/2009 07:57

At least she knocks!

My friends just...walk on in. And say 'hellloooooo'. If it is after dd's bedtime they don't even do that, they just walk on in...so as not to wake her! Fine when they are expected, bit disconcerting when they are not!

borderslass · 10/11/2009 08:12

I don't really lock our door most people knock and walk in I've also got a key for my mum's and even my sisters who lives 200 miles away so if we go down we can just let ourselves in.

Jackstini · 10/11/2009 09:25

Does noone have security worries? I always have door locked when I am in, especially with dcs. You never know who could just walk in.
A lady across the road was in her garage doing laundry when someone calmly opened the door, took her car keys and handbag and drove off in her car!

Morloth · 10/11/2009 09:29

Lock the door.

We lock the front door of our house in Oz, but leave the back gate and the back door unlocked. I figure if you know the dog well enough that she will let you in without a fuss then that is OK.

She is good though, usually gives a heads up by barking in greeting (the dog, not the MIL).

ruddynorah · 10/11/2009 09:31

we keep ours locked. dh works for the police and used to deal with burglaries. no way would he have us leaving our door unlocked.

Firawla · 10/11/2009 10:07

Don't leave it unlocked then. I was thinking from title you had given her a key and she's misusing it, but as its like this its easily solved

FimbleHobbs · 10/11/2009 10:22

MIL has a key to let herself into our house, she normally rings the bell when letting herself in. She never turns up unexpectedly though. And she is very good at putting the kettle on. I have a very good MIL

ElenorRigby · 10/11/2009 10:52

Blimey CarGirl what part of the north are you from?
No way would I leave a door unlocked round here, its all barbed wire and guard dogs in these parts.

Wigglesworth · 10/11/2009 11:06

YANBU, although I would lock your door. We never have unexpected guests at our house, if we did the door would not be opened to them . I am very private and besides if it was an open house my mother would be here every minute of the god damned day (shudders).

pippylongstockings · 10/11/2009 11:29

If I am home then the front door is always unlocked and in the summer it is mostly open, several people on our street do this. I think it shows we are a nice friendly street.

I would expect people I knew to come into the house without ringing a bell and waiting. If I am running around naked then poor them!
My mum and MIL both have keys and I have no problem with them using then if we are not in, ie they have parked at ours to catch the bus in town but wanted the toilet. My next door neighbour holds a key too but that's just in case we lock ourselves out!

ineedalifelaundry · 10/11/2009 11:38

Amazed at all you paranoid people locking your doors when you're in. I never do this unless me and dd in on our own after teatime.

As for parents letting themselves in, I'm glad they do cos then I don't have to drop everything to go and answer the door. We're family after all.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 10/11/2009 11:51

Our door is unlocked when we are in. We live in a flat, so no-one can just walk on in without us noticing. They would walk through two doors, and up a flight of stairs. By which time I have normally noticed them!

Original poster
wolfear · 10/11/2009 14:01

Nananina - you don't know my MIL. I'm not going to go into full details here, but as a taster, my MIL roots through my drawers, personal filing and has been known to "accidentally" open my mail. Patronising but justified I'm afraid.

OP posts:
mumtoem · 10/11/2009 14:18

I keep my front door locked even when I am home. We don't have a front garden - just 2 steps down to the public footpath. A couple of years ago I was just walking out of the kitchen into the hall and saw the front door handle turn. No one had knocked and when I opened the door there was a man walking away further down the path. I think he had tried the door to see if it was open.

DH has a key to his mum's house. When we visit we let ourselves in but call to her at the same time. She prefers this as she is not very mobile.

I would be unhappy if my MIL, or my own mum, started looking through my drawers or post.

Original poster
wolfear · 10/11/2009 15:03

It's a difficult one as she looks after my DS one day a week so I feel indebted to her. I am genuinely grateful for this help as I have noone else nearby to help, but it comes at a price. I actually came home early from work one day and found her reading our title deeds for our house, which are in a filing cabinet with all of our bills, bank statements, general guff. Anyway, that's another thread entirely, but just trying to illustrate that I'm not trying to MIL-bash for the sake of it.

I don't want to have to lock my door TBH. I think if your door is closed, knockers should wait for it to be opened.

OP posts:
Katisha · 10/11/2009 16:44

Well given that she evidently has no sense of boundaries maybe a phase of door-locking would help?

Jackstini · 10/11/2009 17:02

And you could just tell her it's for some of the security reasons mentioned on this thread (without mentioning the thread of course!!)

madhairgirl · 10/11/2009 17:11

My MIL just walks in and I have never thought anything of it, we do the same at her house as it used to be home to DH, it would seem odd for him to knock and wait. Mind you never normally calls round unannounced.