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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think many parents who send their children to the lower quality independent schools are so pretentious it is cringeworthy?

872 replies

Barrelofloves · 06/11/2009 21:33

Is it due to insecurity? Because I have found the seriously loaded/titled folk are not like that at all.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 09/11/2009 16:59

Swedes - good question, and possibly the answer is because you avoid people who haven't been to private school...

pagwatch · 09/11/2009 17:08

Actually I think that the more likely situation is that you just assume that everyone you know went to private school.

Dh went to private school and two ofthe DCs do. I have had several parents ask me about issues re private school because they assume I went to one too.

loobylu3 · 09/11/2009 17:15

That's alright MadameD. I think I said something about bankers earlier in the thread and it wasn't too complementary

MarshaBrady · 09/11/2009 17:17

I wish I knew which schools you are all talking about as lower quality independents.

I want to ask about schools in an area of SE London, known for it's prep schools. Are they 'good quality'?

Oh and if they are in the Tatler good school guide are they ok?

(Anyone want to hazard a name of a lower quality one...)

MarshaBrady · 09/11/2009 17:19

am aware that I may have committed cardinal sin in you know, asking but am from elsewhere so have an excuse.

Swedes2Turnips0 · 09/11/2009 17:27

Sedbergh

mrsshackleton · 09/11/2009 17:30

Rugby
Stowe
Tudor Hall

MarshaBrady · 09/11/2009 17:36

ok great, names (googles).

Will assume Dulwich prep schools are ok... until someone comes along and lets me know otherwise of course.

mrsshackleton · 09/11/2009 17:45

No idea about Dulwich prep schools, Marsha. Go and visit and see if you like them and your child will be happy there. I didn't like a lot of schools that had been hyped to me. Probably if I went to visit Rugby I'd love it, just not too impressed by some of its alumni

MarshaBrady · 09/11/2009 17:49

Oh I have, I do like some of them a lot. We're registered up to our eyeballs and passed assessments etc etc.

Just wondered if that put me in the pretentious parent category as per the op. (not really bothered, but you know, just wondered )

nighbynight · 09/11/2009 18:01

Rugby is NOT lower quality! Rupert Brooke went there.

Tudor Hall....well, my parents phoned once to ask about us going there, and the person on the other end said "Ay think that if she has been to a state primary school, she maight faind it a bit hard to keep up."

So parents just sent us to one of the most academic schools in england instead

mrsshackleton · 09/11/2009 19:23

Rupert Brooke went there in 1900 . Maybe it's gone down hill

As a rule of thumb I reckon any school attended by a child of Mick Jagger's to be low quality

babybarrister · 09/11/2009 19:26

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nighbynight · 09/11/2009 19:31

Maybe I am biased because my grandfather went there

BB, interesting - at my school we weren't groomed for leadership either, though we were expected to get firsts from Ox/bridge. Maybe because it was an all girls school?

MadameDefarge · 09/11/2009 19:37

What you are talking about is being brought up to believe they will be in charge, and deserve in some unspecified way to be in charge ...a very different thing from being a leader.

Sucessful leaders tend to have particular personality types, which develop whether they are at Eton or Chav Comp. The only difference is that for the Eton leader personality type he is already well placed in the social matrix of success and nepotism to be a leader of a bigger pond than Chav Comp leader personality type (who will probably do marvellously well at running a successful drug dealing business).

Obviously I juxtapose the extremes for effect, but it is valid.

Heated · 09/11/2009 19:39

Rugby School has very good grammars on its doorstep, plus some impressive independents Warwick way. But there is a confidence and expectation they will do great things & the extra curricular provision is extensive, even if the grades are not as high as the local competition. It's buying a very traditional education.

selectivememory · 09/11/2009 19:40

Am absolutely loving the naming and shaming.

On another note, Xenia not knowing/meeting people from state schools is neither here nor there.

However, she really shouldn't spout on quite so much about which she knows nothing. Not really a v.g idea.
Whereas some of us in the state sector do know about the private sector.

gotogirl · 09/11/2009 19:47

Lower rung public school : Repton
Tons of boys get sent there just cuz their dads went. Many go on to agricultural college, not uni. Educational Standards are poor.

charitygirl · 09/11/2009 19:50

Not read all this but I know what you mean - children of the rich who are too thick to get in anywhere competitive but too special to go state.

As for naming and shaming - the point is if you've heard of them, they're not 'lower quality'. Don't confuse 'minor public school' with 'low standards'.

selectivememory · 09/11/2009 19:55

Completey agree with Mdme Defarge (again). What the education is giving them is a sense of 'entitlement', which isn't necessarily deserved IMO.

Jajas · 09/11/2009 20:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jajas · 09/11/2009 20:17

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mamhaf · 09/11/2009 20:19

Thank you MrsShackleton - I've been lurking on this thread and you've hit the nail on the head - i.e. if you are clever, driven and come from a nurturing environment, then you will succeed.

The only thing I would add, is that perhaps you also need to have parents, or someone else around you, who can help you along the way.

I'm from a working class background, passed the 11-plus and am now in the too 10% earning bracket. My parents had few qualifications, but were aspirational (although not hugely nurturing but that's a different story).

My drive came from wanting to prove myself and make a different life for my own family - and I've done that without a private education - I found out years later my parents were offered the chance for me to try for a scholarship but turned it down because they didn't think I'd be happy.

This from a child who devoured all the Malory Towers books and would've loved to go!

My dds go to state school. We could've gone private, but would prefer a couple of holidays a year instead and I reckon I can make up for any deficiencies by keeping a close eye on what goes on and paying for tutoring if needed. Also, we wanted them to have Welsh-medium education and that isn't available privately.

Through my job I've come across complete no-hopers from both backgrounds - a "good" school doesn't mean you can relate to people and actually carry out what's needed. And a second-rate state education doesn't help, but in fact we recruit via our own assessments and don't set too much store by qualifications.

And I'm horrified by Xenia's fixation that the right accent is essential - an educated accent maybe - but I'd like to know of examples of people who've been turned down for employment on the basis of accent - maybe I'm being naive?

mrsshackleton · 09/11/2009 20:44

Don't confuse 'minor public school' with 'low standards'.

Why not? Afaik the two often - not always - go hand in hand

All-boys/girls boarding schools are an outdated concept. Apart from a very select, very academic few (where your child may not necessarily be happy) most are going to be pretty unimpressive because the majority of sane parents wouldn't send their children there now they no longer need to be away for months on end governing the empire. They lay on tons of extra-curricular activities (ie golf ranges) and give a load of guff about building backbone etc so parents can convince themselves 10k plus a term is a worthwhile investment.

Good private day schools are a different matter, there are plenty of them.

I could go on naming and shaming but want to have a life now

Lilymaid · 09/11/2009 20:55

Lower quality independent school: Oratory nr Reading has been a fairly dismal school. Wonderful buildings/sports facilities but has been unable to attract a good proportion of reasonably bright Catholic boys (their parents preferred to send them to more academic non-denominational public schools),.