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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about my date being too short?

76 replies

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 20:41

I've been speaking to a guy who contacted me through a dating site. We've seen photos of each other and had quite a few long conversations and I really like him, he seems to really like me. Obviously, the real test is when we meet.

BUT I can't stop thinking about the fact that he is only 1" taller than me! Which means I don't want to tower over him in heels (which is 90% of my footwear) and it's making me really nervous about meeting him! It's not that I have anything against short guys as such, more that I presume he would prefer me to be shorter (and petite?) so that he doesn't feel less 'manly', and vice versa, I think I might feel less feminine.

Am I unreasonable for making a big deal about this? I'm just turning it into a big issue in my head and is the only reason I am feeling a bit hesitant about meeting him, even though I am actually really looking forward to it!

OP posts:
forehead · 06/11/2009 11:42

My husband is only 2 inches taller than me and it certainly has not stopped me from wearing my heels. A good man is a good man, don't judge a man by his height. If you turn him down because of his height, you will probably regret.Listen to your friend stop getting obsessed about this issue.

ninedragons · 06/11/2009 11:43

I work in a serious alpha-male environment and it really is remarkable how many short men and very tall women I work with. I'm only 5'4" and I am the shortest woman in the office but probably average compared to the men.

I think if a short man has a chip on his shoulder about it (and I agree with the theory about bodybuilding to compensate for it), it's insurmountable, but if he's confident and it doesn't bother him he could be great.

Ripeberry · 06/11/2009 11:53

Anyway size of feet is an indicator of size of his little man

Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 12:09

Well I hope he doesn't look at my big feet and think it is any indication of the size of my fanjo

OP posts:
thesecondcocking · 06/11/2009 12:15

i love little men- i am 5'9 and a bit of change and have dated a few 5'5-5'6 ers.
love them (the ones that don't have small men or Napolean syndrome)
i wear heels to go out-it never bothered me in the least.

AvadaNuffofFireworks · 06/11/2009 21:46

Hope it's going ok

Original poster
whethergirl · 07/11/2009 09:58

Ok well I'm really glad I wore my flats because we were about the same height and he just seemed much smaller than I imagined (small hands for example, I think probably same size as mine!). It was a bit of a shock at first because he just looked different to his photos (and I'd seen LOADS of his photos on facebook).

However, had a lovely evening, he was charming, good conversationalist, very good manners, very attentive, complimentary without being over the top, open, direct and genuine. Sent me a lovely text afterwards saying he hoped it was the first date of many!

I don't know why his height bothered me but it did a bit, but I hope I will just get used to it and like you said forehead - I may regret it if I turn him down because of his height.

Thanks everyone, your comments have been very helpful and I'm sure I would have been even more uncomfortable without them.

thesecondcocking - I'm intrigued to know why you particularly like shorter men! Enlighten me please?!

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 07/11/2009 10:00

I say we were about the same height but my shoulders were actually higher than his.

OP posts:
ParanoidAtAllTimes · 07/11/2009 10:48

Glad it went well- he sounds lovely

I would definately go out with him again as you may find that the more you like him, the less his height matters.

Original poster
whethergirl · 07/11/2009 10:57

Thanks paranoid, that's what I'm hoping.

OP posts:
boolifooli · 07/11/2009 11:53

Glad you had a good time. Only time will tell if the height is a problem for you. My husband's hands are the same size as mine but manly if you know what I mean, not delicate. He's also the same shoe size but again he has men's feet. I've never got the impression he has a hang up about his stature. He did once say that once he knew he was going to be a short arse he just accepted it, same way I have to accept I am flat chested and have an impressive facial hair problem!

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/11/2009 15:22

glad you had fun

see how nextdate goes before you have to decide

maybe wear high heels and see how you feel

Original poster
whethergirl · 07/11/2009 19:08

boolifooli, yes his hands were manly too so it wasn't too bad. And good point, I also have my own flaws! In fact I told him, during the date (don't forget we've spoken loads over the phone) that due to breast cancer (years ago), one of my boobs is 2 cups size smaller than the other and he didn't even bat an eyelid. He has been texting me nice msgs today and we'll be speaking later on. Has started calling me "darling"!!

Blondes - not sure I'm ready for high heels yet! I think i need to get used to being the same height first then maybe progress, with small heels and then getting higher! My aim is to hang out with him on a pair of stilts and still feel comfortable!

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 18/11/2009 21:28

Just wanted to give a quick update in case anyone's interested (what do you mean my love life is none of your concern?

Things have been going really well with this bloke, he is an absoloute gem I must say (so far anyway) and is obviously quite taken with me, as I am with him. Haven't worn my heels yet, but will bring it up and see what he says! But height not an issue when he is just so lovely and attentive and treats me like I'm special!

OP posts:
purpleduck · 18/11/2009 21:49

Why bring the heels up?
If you do, he will know that YOU have issues with it, and honestly, haven't you waited long enough for a good'un?

I LOVE short men. Seriously! I am 5'1" and I far far prefer short men. I really hate staring into someones sternum, so if your issue is so big, release him so someone who likes short men can have him

I'm sure you would have gotten an inkling by now if he is confident enough to "be ok" with a girlfriend in heels.

{i mean this all very kindly - i know it sounds harsh)

girlsyearapart · 18/11/2009 21:55

Haven't read whole thread but my DH is only a teeny bit taller than me (maybe 5 5?) I love it and hardly ever wear heels anyway.

Wore ballet pumps on our wedding day and was glad of the excuse!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 18/11/2009 22:35

I read somewhere once that couples who are equally matched in height have better sex

Original poster
whethergirl · 19/11/2009 00:24

purpleduck, absoloutely right, I have waited long enough and feel really lucky to have met him. But when you say you love short men, do you mean shorter than you? Because my issue is not that he is too short, but that he is shorter than me, or that I'm taller than him - if that makes sense.
And yes, I think he would have mentioned it by now if he had issues with it as he is very honest, revealing and upfront about everything.

Good fact NotAnotherNewNappy! I suppose I can see why. I'm sure to find out very soon!

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 19/11/2009 07:13

Have to agree NotAnotherNewNappy!

sybilfaulty · 19/11/2009 07:33

GLad it's going so well. Would agree with posters who said just wear the high heels and don't ask about it.

I understand where you are coming from, as I was adamant that I wanted to go out with tall men. Went on a few dates and realised that it's more about build for me. I am 5' 8" and athletic - broad shoulders, quite muscular. I felt uncomfortable with men where I had the weight advantage, even with 6 footers who were extremely slim. Finally ended up with DH who claimed to be 6# 3" but actually 6' 2" and slim.

An old uni friend of mine is 5' 2" and never short of the ladies, as he was such a lovely man. His wife is 5' 6" now. In case you are into yer sleb twaddle, remember that Sophie Dahl (5'11") has dated Mick Hagger (5'7) and is now engaged to Jamie Cullem (5'4")! Clearly doesn't bother her!

purpleduck · 20/11/2009 16:13

I thought he was still an inch taller...?

Good question about if i would like a guy shorter than I am...I m 5'1", so that would be very short indeed!!! Would depend on build - I don't know if I would be attracted to someone so...so....small!!!

I do like short men, but like a bit of a build on them

Original poster
whethergirl · 21/11/2009 22:48

Yes, he is an inch taller actually so don't know what I'm going on about. I think I meant that I would be taller than him with heels. He has got a great build - very muscular arms

I think Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullam look really sweet together actually.

Anyway, just come back from staying over at his place, had an amazing time, he made it clear that he was serious about me and I'm feeling really lucky because he is a really decent, caring, sexy, and fun to be with bloke! Still not sure about wearing heels but I actually don't give a monkey's arse about his height cos he is LOVELY

OP posts:
stressheaderic · 21/11/2009 23:16

whethergirl - so glad it's going well, and he does sound lovely indeed, well done you.

Incidentally - I'm wondering if I'm the only one who read the thread title as meaning 'short' as in he made some excuse and buggered off after 20 minutes ?! Glad this not the case!

letsblowthistacostand · 21/11/2009 23:36

Glad it's turned out so well! Am a fan of short men myself, DH is 5'6".

BitOfFun · 22/11/2009 00:01

Hurrah! I have read this from the beginning, but didn't have much to say as I'm 5'1" and have never been taller than anyone I've dated. But I am made up that you have met someone lovely- good luck to youse!

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