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Original poster

to worry about my date being too short?

76 replies

whethergirl · 04/11/2009 20:41

I've been speaking to a guy who contacted me through a dating site. We've seen photos of each other and had quite a few long conversations and I really like him, he seems to really like me. Obviously, the real test is when we meet.

BUT I can't stop thinking about the fact that he is only 1" taller than me! Which means I don't want to tower over him in heels (which is 90% of my footwear) and it's making me really nervous about meeting him! It's not that I have anything against short guys as such, more that I presume he would prefer me to be shorter (and petite?) so that he doesn't feel less 'manly', and vice versa, I think I might feel less feminine.

Am I unreasonable for making a big deal about this? I'm just turning it into a big issue in my head and is the only reason I am feeling a bit hesitant about meeting him, even though I am actually really looking forward to it!

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letsblowthistacostand · 05/11/2009 04:35

Good luck! FWIW DH is 5'6" and dated many women taller than himself before he met me. I don't think it bothered him at all. In the end he ended up with me though and I'm 5'1". We're a miniature couple . At the risk of sounding like your mother, if he's really great it won't matter how tall he is!

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 05/11/2009 05:33

My dp and I are both 5'7" although he slouches something chronic sometimes so people often think I'm taller!! Before we got together I'd always gone for taller men so it was something of a surprise to me that I found him so attractive. Now I never really think about it, although I very rarely wear heels any more (my choice, no influence from dp). This does cut down on many an osteopathy bill for the future though

Hope the date goes well

Original poster
whethergirl · 05/11/2009 09:48

Thank you, looking forward to the date, but only the bit after the 1st 10 mins of it. It's just so weird because we've had these really long, indepth and sometimes personal phone conversations, and all of a sudden, there is going to be this multi dimensional substance behind this voice that I know so well! It's like I know his voice so well but not him physically, and so comfortable talking to him on the phone, so it's weird to feel nervous about actually meeting him when I have no qualms about giving him a call.

I think, as long as it doesn't bother him, it doesn't actually bother me. I am even tempted to mention it to him just to get it out of the way so I can just wear my bleedin heels. I mean when I say heels, I'm not talking about stilleto stilts, just knee high boots with a chunky heel.

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gagamama · 05/11/2009 12:09

I think it's an outdated (and frankly absurd) idea that the male partner should be taller. There would be less discrepency in height generally anyway if tall people got together short people, as their kids would be medium-sized! As it happens, I am the daughter of a short couple and therefore have twice the short genes and am shorter than them both. Hmph.

fairycake123 · 05/11/2009 12:13

In my experience, men are (significantly) shorter than they claim to be on dating sites, so if he's said that he's 5'10" (for instance) he's probably actually about 5'6". I went on a dat with a guy who claimed to be 6' - and when we met he was the same height as me (5'7"). So don't worry about the heels issue until you've met him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/11/2009 12:18

size of willy /height shouldnt make a difference but to some it does

go and meet him, wear maybe 2/3inch heels and see how you feel

my friend is 6ft and dh is 5.6 - benn married 12years and very happy

im 5f 7 and dh is 6ft

tbh i see where you are coming from, not sure if i would want my dh to be many inches shorter than me

but

go and meet him and then decide

Nancy66 · 05/11/2009 12:24

I think you should be prepared for him being even shorter than he claims - short guys on dating sites often lie about their height.

The fact he has pumped up his body does suggest his lack of stature bothers him too -it's a classic short guy defence tactic.

SilverBoots · 05/11/2009 13:34

Wear your heels, go on, you know you want to.

If he is so short that his knuckles drag along the floor as he walks, call a cab

Original poster
whethergirl · 05/11/2009 19:55

Good point gagamamma! What's weird is that everyone in my family thinks I'm tall at 5'6" because everyone else is short, so not sure where I got my "tall" genes from.

Oh no fairycake123, it did occur to me that he might be exaggerating his height, which is such a stupid thing to do and very off putting for a first date to notice straight away that he is a liar. I can only presume he is telling the truth - I thought that maybe because he does the bodybuilding, he would be quite precise about his height what with all the BMI calculation and all that.

I must admit, I did notice that in his pics his shoes looked a bit thick soled! I was even measuring my heels with a measuring tape this morning! I'm getting slightly obsessive about this.

Nancy66, he did tell me he originally took up bodybuilding (when he was a teenager) because he was really skinny, but now it's just grown into something he just loves to do.

SilverBoots, you are dead right, I do want to wear my heels. And so I shall. (she says confidently, cue next scene, Friday night, flustered and tearful, sitting in a pile of flat and high heeled shoes).

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deaddei · 05/11/2009 20:13

i am 6 feet, dh is not. He is 5 feet 10.
i wish he was taller, but he isn't. I always wore heels- not so much nowadays as I go for comfort! On our wedding day, we noticed he looked the same height as me in photos taken in the gardsen- then saw he was standing on a brick.
Go for it girl.

lou33 · 05/11/2009 20:21

ooh i got really told off for starting a thread like this once!

have you asked him about the heel thing? i know plenty of guys who dont mind at all, dated a couple, am friends with one

one guy i know is 5ft7 and dating a woman of 5ft 10

he says he loves it, in heels or not

Original poster
whethergirl · 05/11/2009 20:28

lol deaddei, at DH standing on a brick! Thing is, we get on really well on the phone, so not nervous about whether we will have enough to talk about etc., and that is the most important thing really, rather than fussing about a few inches. Plus, my height is stated on my dating site profile, so he knows how tall I am and can't presume that I walk around barefoot and slouched.

I think what is adding to the panic, is that recently a friend of mine, that nearly turned into a non platonic relationship, was same height as me and he would always make a point of saying how he preferred petite women, and also make comments about my 'big feet', another time I referred to his pyjamas as little (not actually meaning little, but more meaning cute) and he straight away went "What do you maen LITTLE?????" I am sure that one of the reasons that he never got round to asking me out is because he was so self concious about his height.

Feeling much better about wearing my heels.

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Original poster
whethergirl · 05/11/2009 20:55

lou33 yeh I'm kind of surprised no one has told me off actually, in fact everyone has just been so lovely and supportive. It's almost like we're on netmums. All these shorter blokes taller girls blokes are great, really helps.

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Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 09:16

Right. Spoke to shorty last night, managed to bring up the subject of footwear, couldn't quite bring myself to approach him on heels 'n' height issue, but I did gather some useful information; he likes the scruffy boot look. So I will wear my flat boots (only reason I didn't want to is because they are scruffy).

OMG I am going on a date tonight! This is the first time I have been with a bloke since DP scarpered when I was pregnant 4.5 years ago. A BLOKE! I am going on a DATE with a BLOKE!!!!

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Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 09:25

I really hope I don't throw myself at him screaming through tears of joy "You're a MAN! You're a real man! I've been waiting nearly 5 years for this!"

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LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 06/11/2009 09:33

lol whethergirl, hope you have a fabulous time tonight, and I honestly believe that if you do fit as people then his height won't matter to you.

mankymummymoo · 06/11/2009 09:37

if he looks bothered on first sight, adopt a stoop !

Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 09:47

Thanks Libras! Manky - I have been practising my stoop and have started developing a rather cute hunchback.

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ParanoidAtAllTimes · 06/11/2009 10:09

Hope you have a great time! Let us know how you get on!

OrmIrian · 06/11/2009 10:14

ixia - I agree with that. When I think about it all the really tall men I know married little women. DB is 6'5" and SIL is 5'3. My best friend at uni is 6'6 and married a teeny little wife (5'1). I would love to be with a tall man - I got used to being with giraffes as a child and I can't quite get used to all the short-arse blokes around DH is 6' 1 so not short but not tall either - I'm 5'11" so taller whenever I wear heels.

OrmIrian · 06/11/2009 10:15

Oh yeah = sorry OP Good luck! Hope it goes really well.

fairycake123 · 06/11/2009 10:20

OP, how did it go????

Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 11:27

But if all the tall blokes marry little women, then all the tall women will naturally end up with taller men. Unless there are not an equal no. of tall and short women and men.

ANYWAY! fairycake123 the date is tonight!

And I've changed my mind, I'm wearing heels.

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Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 11:28

Sorry, I meant that all the taller women will end up with smaller men. Bit of a naff theory not even worth correcting anyway.

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Original poster
whethergirl · 06/11/2009 11:29

I wish I had more than 4 hours sleep last night.

Might wear my flats after all

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