for telling DH I don't want him meeting this woman?

[CthuluForPM]

My DH has been playing an character-based wrestling online game for the past 2 years while he works night shifts, and has met several good friends through it. They chat online 'out of character' and have met up as a group a few times (I don't attend).

He's become very good friends with his online tag team partner, a woman who lives abroad. He's told me (and her) that he fancies her, and she also fancies him. They've met twice face to face, once at one of the group events, where they kissed goodnight (with my and her partner's permission), and once when she and her partner came for dinner at our house.

I freely admit to being jealous of her, because I don't get to chat much with DH as he's usually asleep, and I look after our kids so am asleep when he's awake and so they talk more than he and I can. He's cheated on me before by having cybersex with another online wrestler. (We are mostly over it, and it's not trust that's the issue, more my discomfort).

He's recently stopped playing the game but has said he wants to see her again as she's become a close friend. He's also said on other occasions that he wants to cheat on me with her but won't sleep with her without my consent. I REALLY don't want him to visit or see her alone, even if it's for dinner, but wonder if I'm over-reacting, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

Reality Wrong way round. Meet up and kiss first, THEN fancying etc.

No, neither of us have slept with anyone else.

whereyouleftit Thankfully he will be very soon.

You sound like you have an odd relationship and both of you play games, online and off. Is he actually asking you if he can cheat? Either way you are getting what you've asked for. Playing silly games in an adult relationship where children exist is very dangerous.

Consent for a kiss goodnight? Both of you need to grow up.

cheese In my social group, yes this is normal.

Will be back later, kids have woken up.

I dont see what the problem is, you say you have an open and honest relationship. He has been open and honest with you about wanting to cheat, be open and honest back and tell him you dont want him to.

I agree with reality here

it seems some women think they are buying into a "modern" relationship where "honesty" is all

all it does is let fuckwits like this mess with your head

you either have an open relationship or you don't

this permitted goodnight kiss ? did you and her partner watch while this was occurring? Was there any groping? Cos it sounds very weird indeed

he won't sleep with her unless "you let him" ??? No pressure there then

and what happens if he decides he just has to and you say no ?

I have to say your silly ideas have probably got you into this horrid position

feel very "liberal" now, do you ?

thought not

I bet he does, though

F* that for a game of soldiers!

I think "honesty" should cut both ways here. He is being "honest" about wanting to have an affair with this woman.

In turn, you should be able to be "totally honest" about the fact that this is not acceptable.

Sorry, but it sounds like he's done a right number on you - making it seem that saying such stuff is honourable because at least he is being honest.

I think you really need to set boundaries, and now. If you don't, he will push, push, push and see how far he can go.

I know that some people have successful open relationships, but it doesn't sound like this is what you want at all, so you need to put your foot down. It is not at all unreasonable to do this. He has responsibilities to you and your children and needs to get a grip.

Also, sounds like you need to do some work on your relationship together because it sounds like things are getting pretty fragmented for you both.

i can't work out what's weirdest here... the fact a grown man (allegedly) plays pretend tag wrestling with someone online or that you've let him cop off with someone he fancies...are you taking le mick?

Wrestling's wank though isn't it? I mean it's make believe. It's like those grown folks who dress as orcs and run round forests on their days off from accountancy.

You are worth an awful lot more than the value he has apparently placed on you. Sounds like he wants to cheat but wants a clean conscience about it. Don't let him off the hook! Tell him you don't want him to have this friendship. Be blunt. You don't have to pretend to be cool with everything he wants.

What's the game called?

OP, if you are real, read these statements you made again.

'playing an character-based wrestling online game for the past 2 years while he works night shifts'

'He's told me (and her) that he fancies her, and she also fancies him.'

'they kissed goodnight (with my and her partner's permission)'

'I don't get to chat much with DH as he's usually asleep'

'I look after our kids'

'He's cheated on me before by having cybersex with another online wrestler'

'he wants to cheat on me with her but won't sleep with her without my consent'

'wonder if I'm over-reacting'

These are all fairly serious issues in your marriage. He obviously seems to want out, and I can't quite believe that you don't!

You are under-reacting dear.

sorry OP - just have to post this again

'He's cheated on me before by having cybersex with another online wrestler'

He needs to get with the real world and off the cyberspace one.

From what you have said what he has is pretty darn good and you are MORE than understanding about his foibles.

I can't imagine many wives being sympathetic to his sort of behaviour.

IMO you have every right to put your foot down and tell him to focus on his family, which he should be doing.

what utter nobs some people are

child-adults, the lot of 'em

'he wants to cheat on me with her but won't sleep with her without my consent'

a bit sweaty

a bit tattoo'ed

I remember Big Daddy, god, he was fit

PMSL

[[http://www.pickinglosers.com/files/u11/wrestling460.jpg Big Daddy beats Giant Haystacks]

bugger

Big Daddy beats Giant Haystacks