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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit miffed about giving away baby clothes DS2 has grown out off?

74 replies

ChickandDuck · 30/10/2009 17:31

Sister has asked for baby clothes as she is skint. Before you flame me, this is her second DC and she couldn't afford the first. TBH she, IMO, was massivly selfish to get pregnant again, but hey ho, I did, so of course, she will (both her pregnancies were anounced not long after the birth of my 2 DC's ).

I plan to have another baby and so this time round purposely spent more money on quality baby clothes that will stand the test of time. But now it looks like they'll all be bagged up and given away to my sister, again, and I'll have to fork out for new again when/if new baby comes along.

I guess it's annoying that she feels she can carry on having babies, and let everyone else pick up the tab (parents also help put financially).

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 20:48

do you have an original idea?or only copy my posts in an inane manner

famishedass · 30/10/2009 21:06

Another older sister here whose little sis is exactly the same as yours OP. What is it with younger sisters? You've been given some good advice here, especially about giving her some of the stuff you don't particularly want and keeping the nice stuff.

scottishmummy do you have a drink on Fridays? You're perfectly pleasant on mumsnet every day except Friday

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 21:09

famished fass if you were familiar with my posts you'd i am always the same

do you save your ire for fridays or do just speculate randomly?

mummyofevilprincesses · 30/10/2009 21:13

Quote "Please bear in mind that this topic encourages posters to give their opinions - i.e. they might disagree with you." Unquote

Just because we don't agree doesn't make us mean! Mean is not sharing with your sister.

lilacpink · 30/10/2009 21:25

I was asked by a work colleague if I would pass on my DDs clothes (for her niece who is a teenager with no income) as I'm now expecting a boy. I was happy to pass on the majority of clothes, but was honest and said I'm keeping some of the bits to sell on ebay, as I know with bids I will make money on those items and (even after fees), I did make around £100.

As you want to re-use the items yourself, I would do as many have suggested, pass on the plain bits (who wants to store white vests?) and keep the best bits. Simply say I'm keeping some things back for my third child, what could she (or your Mum) possibly say about that?

ilikeyoursleeves · 30/10/2009 21:30

I can understand where you are coming from OP, I was in a similar situation with my sister when she was PG a year after me. Thankfully I had a boy and she had a girl We don't really get on though so I think my ishoos came into me not wanting to give my baby clothes to her, not sure if something like that's going on with you?

Heated · 30/10/2009 21:53

Agree with Chegirl. YABU about her desire to have another dc. YANBU that she's perusing your dcs' wardrobe for the clothes she would like for her own dc.

If she's having the same gender baby again, then tell her she already has your dc's clothes.

But if she or your mother persists then tell the truth - that the clothes might be needed in the future so you won't be giving them away. But you thought dsis would like some new clothes for ds2 which will be your baby gift to her - and buy her a cute bundle from Asda, Tesco, BHS, wherever.

And then hold firm.

Original poster

ChickandDuck · 31/10/2009 08:50

Thought it was strange that I hadn't been flamed...

As for me being smug, I'm not, we're are far from rich. We both work really hard to be able to sustain ourselves without expecting others to bail us out. Like I said, my parents help out financially (pay their rent) and I'm expected to provide for this DC as I did the first, I have my own familiy to provide for! The point I'm making about her not having a job and her DP's job is that they presume by only one of them working 9am-3pm they can have all the things that we have worked hard for! It just doesn't seem fair? Her DP was actually offered more hours, but declined them, and why not, he doesn't have to pick the tab after all...

OP posts:

dilemma456 · 31/10/2009 08:59

Message withdrawn

pacinofan · 31/10/2009 09:06

I would be completely frank with your sister, tell her that this time you want to keep the clothes, but perhaps offer to help out in other ways - sitting with her children so she can maybe go out with her dh and have a well-earned break. It's something you could do for each other that personally I think is much more helpful than baby clothes, which as other posters have said, are as cheap as chips in Tesco and the like.

Original poster

ChickandDuck · 31/10/2009 09:06

ebayed them?!

OP posts:

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 31/10/2009 09:07

Put a post on freecycle on her behalf? There's always people giving away sacks of baby clohes on there.

I think you are being a bit harsh, but NU. My sister is younger than me, she announced a 'suprise' pregnancy 4 months after me. she doesn't expect me to hand things down though, and tbh I only give the stuff I wouldn't want to keep for potential #2 anyway.

CarGirl · 31/10/2009 09:08

dilema I'd ask for the money the got from ebaying them!

dilemma456 · 31/10/2009 09:11

Message withdrawn

diddl · 31/10/2009 09:15

If you´ve already passed her one lot of clothes I don´t see why you should do it again, tbh.

It would be the attitude of expecting it that would bug me, tbh.

But has she always been spoilt & given in to?

If so,stop the cycle now!

(From a younger sister who stands on her own feet, but has accepted "freebies" that have been given without resentment)

CarGirl · 31/10/2009 09:26

dilema I'd be fuming and if your parents pander to your brother I'd be telling them how you can't afford a pushchair & car seat for your bump (when/if that happens) because you of course had planned on using the original one.....

Quick ask for the highchair back!

Jennylee · 31/10/2009 10:28

She will get about 500 and health in pregnancy money too if she is that hard up, so, nearly 7 hundred quid is quite enough to buy her own stuff. if we lived in a country where she really woudld struggle to clothe the baby that would be different.

Its your stuff. However the same thing happens to me with my cousins, my parents told them we would be giving them stuff so we had to. Now I got pg again and obviously they keeping it all for another baby. so most of my newborn stuff I will have to get again, but thats okay, newborn stuff is not expensive. thankfully I still have a bit of 3-6 and all of my 6-9 and 9-12 month stuff. If I have a boy I will give them it though as there would be no point hoarding it all for nothing.

mm22bys · 31/10/2009 11:37

Hi, I could have written this post a week ago. A friend is having her first baby, and I offered our baby clothes to her. We have had two, and we don't plan on having any more.

I found the thought though of giving them away too horrible to bear, but I didn't not want to help out!

Then I thought about it and thought, well, noone says I have to give her it all...

So I went through the stuff and kept the most sentimental items....

(I have "lent" baby clothes before and I have got them back but this time my friend wanted to pay me for them so I think she wants to keep them...)

I hope you can sort something out with your lil sis...

helpYOUiWILL · 31/10/2009 11:50

i am mean and harsh and didnt lend out anything until i knew i had finished reproducing!!

I then gave away/sold my stuff as it was no longer needed.

I do not think you are mean - at the end of the day YOU have worked hard for the stuff and any money you could earn back from selling it on will benefit your family.

Why should you be out of pocket just because she is your sister. What is she doing for you?

A friend of mine lent all her baby things out and when pregnant again she asked for them returned. They had been sold - so SHE had to fork out AGAIN - is that fair? no it isnt.

AllyOodle · 31/10/2009 12:02

Tell your sister you have ebayed all the clothes and are buying a Wii/HD TV/bluray/something else she doesn't already have with the cash. If she then goes out and buys the same thing on the credit card, you'll know that asking for your stuff is more about competing with you than putting clothes on her child's back.

CarGirl · 31/10/2009 12:07

AllyOodle - what a good (but sneaky) idea.

BionicEar · 31/10/2009 12:13

In my family we pass around the clothes and keep back the stuff we really want. No one got issues with it. Right now I seem to have the biggest collection - but am trying to fob them off on various siblings when their LO reach various sizes! Tee hee!

Give your sis a few bits and pieces, but keep back some. If you don't give anything you will feel guilty, but if you give some you won't feel as bad.

ginnybag · 03/11/2009 16:30

If you gave her all the stuff last time, what has she done with it? You've kitted her out once - there's no reason you should do so again.

Ask her this, in front of your parents, and see what her answer is. She's either still got it all - in which case, no prob - or she's given it away - in which case she should have asked you first - or she's sold it - in which case she either gives you the money she made, or you can, quite rightly say you've already paid for a new lot of stuff for her.

Baby sister or no, you aren't there to subsidise her!

pranma · 03/11/2009 16:52

Matalan has really cheap baby clothes.

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