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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit miffed about giving away baby clothes DS2 has grown out off?

74 replies

ChickandDuck · 30/10/2009 17:31

Sister has asked for baby clothes as she is skint. Before you flame me, this is her second DC and she couldn't afford the first. TBH she, IMO, was massivly selfish to get pregnant again, but hey ho, I did, so of course, she will (both her pregnancies were anounced not long after the birth of my 2 DC's ).

I plan to have another baby and so this time round purposely spent more money on quality baby clothes that will stand the test of time. But now it looks like they'll all be bagged up and given away to my sister, again, and I'll have to fork out for new again when/if new baby comes along.

I guess it's annoying that she feels she can carry on having babies, and let everyone else pick up the tab (parents also help put financially).

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 30/10/2009 17:51

Did she give you back any of the clothes you gave her first time round?

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 30/10/2009 17:53

onadietcokebreak - tell me about it, we were out one day window shopping, saw a really nice jumper for DC2, asked her opinion and her answer was 'yeah get it, will look good on [her DC]'. We don't go shopping together anymore.

OP posts:
wilkos · 30/10/2009 17:55

god this is so the relationship I have with my little sister. we are both expecting babies at the same time next year, her first and my second, and i just know that she will be after DC1's bits and bobs on the basis that we can afford new stuff and she is broke

yeah we can afford new stuff because dh works hard for it.

obv. I'm going to help her a bit, but when its expected that we or my mum will thats when I get really

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 30/10/2009 17:56

A couple of bits onadietcokebreak, but they were trashed TBH.

Cargirl - her new baby gift from us was a pram. Her's was ditched and still use mine.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 30/10/2009 18:01

ask for yours back!!!!

Stop being so generous!

CarGirl · 30/10/2009 18:02

If she is so broke surely she gets the £500 sure start maternity grant?

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 30/10/2009 18:08

wilkos - I think my sister gets the impression that I can have 2 Dc's, have nice things and not have to worry about ££, so she can, she fails to acknowledge the fact that I had a good job and so got great maternity pay, my DP runs his own buisness and often works his socks every day of the week. She has never had a job, her DP works behind the checkout at a discount store. Yet she expects the same lifestyle as us?!

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 30/10/2009 18:19

This is her second DC...she should have taken greater care of the clothes her first DC has.

Tell her no sorry not this time. Let her fall out with you if need be cos it may be the only way you get to air your grievances. She can use freecycle, maternity grant, or health in pregnancy to fund this child if need be. Subsquent children dont have to be expensive as long as you arent too "proud"

As for the pram...do you mean she got rid of it? Sold it?

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 18:28

you are harsh and nasty about your sister

all this angst about bloody baby clothes.you need to grow up.whether or not a baby is pampered in brora cashmere or asda is of no consequence

her business if she wants to be pg again

onadietcokebreak · 30/10/2009 18:32

I dont think she is being harsh. Only airing her frustration on how her sister expects to be "handed" everything. Eyeing up clothes and saying she it will look good on her daughter when handed down if OP buys it is just plain rude.

girlsyearapart · 30/10/2009 18:45

Have this arrangement with my sister but we both look after the clothes so it isn't a problem.

Her ds is 8 and we still have some of his stuff in circulation and some of that was handed down.

Her dds are 4 and 23mo and mine are 2.1 and 13mo and it's lovely to see them wearing clothes that the others have worn before.

Our Mum buys the nicest and most clothes for my eldest niece as she knows they'll be handed down.

Lovely when this works- I'm very grateful for these hand me downs, have also had 2 cots and lots of other stuff but I make sure I tell my sister how grateful I am!

prettyfly1 · 30/10/2009 18:46

As another big sis who has worked hard for what she has but is expected to permanently fork out for skint sisters no she is not being harsh. YANBU. Buy her a couple of cheapie babygro's and call it quits.

Amaiasmum · 30/10/2009 19:04

If this is her secind child and has already had some clothes for her 1st child from you, Surely she could use those again.

Morloth · 30/10/2009 19:12

Of course you can say no. Just do it. You might not be popular afterwards but at least you won't have to buy more baby clothes!

Not your business whether she should be having a baby or not, but neither is it your problem.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 30/10/2009 19:20

I don't think your sister realises you feel this way about her. She probably thinks you are sort of on the same team having young children. You clearly don't think this. If you feel like this about her maybe you should tell her and distance yourself.

MamaGoblin · 30/10/2009 19:24

"She has never had a job, her DP works behind the checkout at a discount store. Yet she expects the same lifestyle as us?!"

Sorry, but this just sounds really unpleasant and smug. (Reminds me of that Harry Enfield sketch ' We are con-sider-ably better off than yow!') Of course you and your DH deserve the good money you get from your good jobs, but why sneer at someone who has a less well-paid job? Nobody has asked you to subsidise your sister's life, and if you can afford to buy good quality clothes and pass them on, then why not? I mean, presumably if you didn't want to pass them on, you'd keep them for your subsequent children, wouldn't you?

If you don't want to help her - and she does sound like she needs help - then don't. Doesn't sound like a big deal to me, though.

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 30/10/2009 19:53

I dont think its up to you to judge her selfish for having another baby. Her OH is working. She may be skint but that is not your business. Your idea of skint is subjective anyway, you have already said you are pretty well off.

But you dont have to give her your stuff so dont. You are a grown up, say no.

Baby clothes are very very cheap now. Far cheaper than when I had my first babies. Then everything was second hand. Now its cheaper to buy new from Tescos.

Is she really saying she cant buy 3 packs of vest at £2.50 a go?

She is being cheeky because she is your sister and you are a soft touch. You cant change her being your sister but you dont have to be such a wimp.

Tell her you are keeping the stuff in case you have another one.

Its not worth getting so het up, do something about it.

YANBU for being peed off about her attitude, she is being v.cheeky.

YABU for being all about her descision to have another baby though.

roneef · 30/10/2009 19:58

Goodness, I think the real cause of irritability is coming through.

How dare she expect the same lifestyle??

Are you having a laugh?? Do you realise how pathetic you sound.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 20:07

yes op you have worked hard for your lifestyle but my god dont you judge your sister for not attaining a similar lifestyle and husband who works checkout

now grow a spine - say no about the clothes if it irks you so.what a fuss

and stop opining on why lower orders your sister has another baby

StephHaydock · 30/10/2009 20:09

What a petty, bitchy thread. Either give them to her with good grace, or don't.

mummyofevilprincesses · 30/10/2009 20:32

Have to agree with Steph- either give her the clothes or don't. I am glad I'm not your sister.

lindsaygii · 30/10/2009 20:39

The country is awash with baby clothes. I was filling charity bags with stuff to give away (that I had been given) within weeks of birth of ds.

He is nearly five months and so far I have bought one three pack of babygros, and one three pack of tops (that I realised I didn't need when I got them home).

EVERYTHING else has been given, donated etc.

So, if you want to keep your stuff, keep it. Help her find free/ cheap clothes from other sources. That way you discharge your sisterly duty, but get to keep the stuff you like.

beigeballoons · 30/10/2009 20:40

oh dear chickandduck, the mean girls have arrived. probably time to run away and leave the thread... unless you wanted to be flamed! took them a while to find it though.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 20:44

diddums,did you only want huns and hugs beige ballons.

lindsaygii · 30/10/2009 20:46

"diddums,did you only want huns and hugs beige ballons."

Any ideas what this might mean??? ha hahaha

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