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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or more likely over sensitive - about Grandmother's wedding ring...

30 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 29/10/2009 17:32

Please be gentle with me - I'm not normally brave enough to venture on to AIBU and I am very hormonal.........

I was incredibly close to my paternal grandmother. She pretty much brought me up for the first few years of my life because my mother was unable to. She died when I was 8 years old.

I didn't know (or care tbh) but my dad had her wedding ring after she died. She wasn't a rich lady by any means so its a very thin 9ct gold band and worth next to nothing in monetary value.

I have just found out that my step mum has had a sort out of some of her old jewellery and sold it. I have no problem with this in principle - I've done the same with bits and bobs I don't wear any more and I realise now is a good time to do it as gold prices are favorable. However, my grandmother's wedding ring was included in the sort out. I believe she got about £10 for it

I know its nothing to do with me and my dad and step mum can do what they like with it, but if I'd have known, I'd have been more than happy to give them a bloody tenner for it . I just think the sentimental value far outweighs the monetary value.

FWIW, my dad and step mum aren't poor so didn't desperately need the money or anything.

So - AIBU to be a bit pissed off ?

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 29/10/2009 17:34

No yanbu - do you know where they sold it - could you buy it back or is it too late?

cocolepew · 29/10/2009 17:34

YANBU that wasn't nice . I wear my Grans with my own rings and it means a lot to me.

TwentiethCenturyHeffa · 29/10/2009 17:39

YANBU, I'd be really upset

aoifesmama · 29/10/2009 17:42

YANBU - I have worn my mum's ring every day since she died. I agree with Nothern - could you find out where it was sold to?

ErikaMaye · 29/10/2009 17:44

YANBU I'd be really upset too I'm sorry to hear that... I hope you can get hold of it. I wear one of each of my grandmothers rings and I'd be devestated without them.

diddl · 29/10/2009 17:46

I´m surprised that your father gave his mum´s wedding ring/jewellry to his wife rather than daughter, or sharing it out, tbh.

morningpaper · 29/10/2009 17:48

yanbu I have been in same situation

some people are jolly insensitive and it says a lot about your dad/step-mum's emotional intelligent imo

it's a shame for you

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 29/10/2009 17:49

Thanks all. I wasn't sure if I was just being silly or not. After all, I had no idea of its existence up until a few days ago (I just assumed she'd been buried with it tbh) and my Nanna has been gone for almost 30 years It just seems a bit .... well.... crass really

Apparently it was sold to one of these on line places where they send you an envelope and you post all the gold off to them and they tell you how much they'll pay.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 29/10/2009 17:50

YANBU
it was a callous thing to do , and regardless of whether they got £10 or £10 000 for it, it would have been kinder and more appopropriate to offer the ring to you

I have one of my late grandmother's rings, a few months after she died i was helping mum sort out her apartment, and the ring was in her bedside drawer and mum asked if i would like it. my sister and SIl also chose a piece of jewellery. the ring means more to me than money , it is like having a part of her with me, and i think what your stepmum has done is awful and your dad should have thought about it long and hard

is this a way for her to prove that she is in charge ,taht she is the matriarch now?

RubysReturn · 29/10/2009 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 29/10/2009 17:58

Tbh - I think its definitely more of an emotional intelligence thing than a callousness. My step mum was sorting through a load of jewellery which included her own mother's wedding rings etc. and sold all that to. Still a bugger though

OP posts:
LaurieScaryCake · 29/10/2009 17:58

YANBU - really sorry to hear that, what a sad story

I wonder if you could give the gold place a call - bet they'd be happy to sell it back to you at the escalated price

ErikaMaye · 29/10/2009 18:02

She sold her mothers own wedding ring too?

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 29/10/2009 18:31

Yes - her mother's wedding and engagement rings and her dad's wedding ring. I honestly think she just thought they were sitting in a jewellery box gathering dust and she might as well get rid of them.

OP posts:
Conundrumish · 29/10/2009 18:33

Very very thoughtless of them. You are def not BU.

ErikaMaye · 29/10/2009 18:33

I find that quite sad

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 29/10/2009 19:21

Me too. I suppose just another indictment of the disposable society we live in

OP posts:
macdoodle · 29/10/2009 19:27

Very sad My beloved grans engagement ring is my most treasured possession (of course the fact it is worth well over 5K helps)!

But it will never be sold ever no matter how desperate I am, and will be passed to my girls along with my engagement and wedding rings (even though I am divorced from their father, they know that I did love him and thats why I have them)!

QwertyQueen · 29/10/2009 19:31

YANBU - I wear my grandmother's wedding ring - in fact I never got my own as I love it so much.

I can't believe people actually post gold!!!!

katechristie · 29/10/2009 19:34

oh my goodness, you are most definitely NOT BU. Feel for you - have tears in my eyes reading this.

Is it worth asking if they've got anything at all left of hers, just to prevent something similar happening again, incase anything else is left?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 29/10/2009 19:46

I'm so fpr you. What a horrible person she is. I wouldn't trust her.

Has she no feelings at all?

Try to get it back for your nana's sake.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/10/2009 20:33

I don't think you ABU, but I struggle with this sentimental attatchment people have to 'items'. I imagine I'll be flamed for this but, even if you manage to contact the people she sold the ring to and they agree to flog it back to you, how will you know it's the same one? Luckily I only have one dd who will inherit all my jewellry. Three rings a pair of earrings and a swatch watch. To soften the blow to her of my miniscule jewellry collection, one ring is worth around 16 grand.

Pitchounette · 29/10/2009 21:31

Message withdrawn

Ozziegirly · 30/10/2009 04:44

Not BU at all. My grandmother's ring was my "something old" at my wedding and is a very treasured posession.

What a meanie.

wannaBe · 30/10/2009 07:04

I think the stepmum is being given a bit of a harsh ride here tbh.

Op didn't even know this ring existed until it was sold and only then did she get upset over something she didn't know existed and presumably would never have cared about otherwise.

On the one hand I can understand that people keep pieces of jewellery from loved ones which they wear and hold dear to them, but on the other hand some people just see them as jewellery gathering dust in a box and do not attach any sentimental value to them - they're just old jewellery, it's not going to bring the person back. That doesn't make them mean or uncaring or untrustworthy, just not everyone attaches sentimental value to material stuff and there's nothing wrong with that either.

Op presumably as your grandmother died when you were a child he didn't think you would have attached any value to the ring, and he clearly didn't attach any value to it hence why he was happy for your stepmum to sell it.