To refuse to take dd an overnight bag round for her impromptu sleepover?

[Spidermama]

She went to a friend's this morning then called me later to say, 'Can I stay for a sleepover? It's OK with C's mum'. I said yes.

C's mum said, 'Will you be dropping round an overnight bag'. I said, 'No. I'm sure she'll manage to improvise. It's just one night.' C's mum sounded a bit surprised but took it on board.

Two hours later dd called to say, 'Muuuuuuuuum, could you bring me a couple of things. I really need a toothbrush and a new top'. I think she may be a bit smelly.

The problem is, I don't want to. I've got three boys to look after aged 9, 7 and 4 and am on my own here all half term. I have loads to do and C lives at least two miles away.

AIBU?

Second page?

Ah yes. Newfangled MN. This is why I still have MN in classic format. Am too old to change now.

If I'd rinsed my knickers out and left them up to dry at a friend's house when aged 11, I'd've been thought a nutter

Surely it's good for children to experience things slightly out of the norm every once in a while- learning to cope with an impromptu situation is an excellent lesson, and in this scenario it is a nice safe way for them to practice at it- YWNBU!

yes, I am sure it is also a good lesson in impromptu-ness for the mum too. It will do her good.

YANBU.

The dd has several options. Not stay for a sleepover, walk or cycle home and get the stuff herself, manage with borrowing her friend's clothes and pyjamas and toothbrush, or manage just with her own.

My dds and their friends would be happy with sharing friends' clothes and toothbrushes (actually my squalid dds would probably not wash or change or brush their teeth but I don't particularly encourage this).

11 year olds want to be more independent, and I want them to be too, but they have to take on board some of the consequences of this.

yanbu - your dd knew she didn't have her overnight things & so did the other mum. The other mum should have offered that she lend things to your dd.

This is so funny. The other day, there was that thread where the op was upset that her kid had been made to sleep on the hard floor - and everyone piled in saying "get over yerself" "it'll do him no harm" "we always did that" etc. Now everyone has piled in saying this op is cruel to not bring a poxy toothbrush and tee shirt round for a one night stay. MN, you are brilliant.

YANBU btw. She'll survive for one night!!

YANBU -its not going to damage her for life to wear the same undies 2 days running (or 1.5 days as I would imagine she'll shower and change when she gets home).

As for PJs, clean top -surely she could borrow these from a friend.

We always have spare toothbrushes (especially those overnight sort you steal from find in hotel rooms) so if we have an impromptu sleepover they could have one of those

Heartening to read these late arrivals to the thread. I'm so glad it's not just me.

FWIW I did bring her the bag because of the early part of this thread. I packed in a a clean outfit and deodorant. I picked her up today and her pits stank like old onion skins. So much for her being at the age where she's embarrassed about being smelly. I wish.

Puppy monkey - it depends what perspective you are looking at it from.As a parent of the guest child then I would expect to put myself out to take overnight bag and not fuss about where my DC slept.

HOWEVER As parent of host child I would want to make sure guest child was comfy and would tell guest mum that I would provide toothbrush and PJs for impromptu sleep over.

Its not about double standards -its about good manners