To refuse to take dd an overnight bag round for her impromptu sleepover?

[Spidermama]

She went to a friend's this morning then called me later to say, 'Can I stay for a sleepover? It's OK with C's mum'. I said yes.

C's mum said, 'Will you be dropping round an overnight bag'. I said, 'No. I'm sure she'll manage to improvise. It's just one night.' C's mum sounded a bit surprised but took it on board.

Two hours later dd called to say, 'Muuuuuuuuum, could you bring me a couple of things. I really need a toothbrush and a new top'. I think she may be a bit smelly.

The problem is, I don't want to. I've got three boys to look after aged 9, 7 and 4 and am on my own here all half term. I have loads to do and C lives at least two miles away.

AIBU?

How was she going to get home?
If she was going to walk, could she not have walked round to get it before it got dark.
Or, if you were going to pick her up, you might as well have dropped her off a bag.

I have to say if it's a safe walk I'd be expecting my dd to come home and get the stuff herself.

Of course you are being unreasonable and unfair on the host mum who will now have to sort her out toothbush pjs and underwear.
I know it's an inconvenience but children are !

OK calm down, calm down. Child abuse over. I have taken a bag to her.

I'm obviously in a tiny minority in thinking that it wouldn't be the end of the world to wear the same knickers two days running and brush your teeth with your finger for one night only.

My God people are precious. Don't any of you camp ever or do spontaneous stuff which means for one night only you may be separated from your toothbrush?

If you thought you were doing the right thing you wouldn't have gone though Spidey... you wouldn't have cared what the power of Mumsnet thought!

BTW when I have been the host mum and such spontaneous activities have occurred under my watch I always provide for the guest. It's no trouble at all and yet such a pain for the mum to have to come out especially.

I think benign neglect is much maligned on MN.

Actually KBear I only brought the stuff round because I thought the other mum might be as outraged as some of the respondents here so am bowing to social pressure.

I still disagree.

I like a bit of benign neglect myself but at 11 years they are at "that age" and need a clean pair of drawers and their own stuff, I think, or they feel self conscious.

I think YANBU

I think host mum should have sorted it out or your dd should have come to fetch what she needed.

My kids are younger but we've had a couple of last minute sleepovers and I've provided full change of clothes, spare toothbrush etc.

i love benign neglect and completely agree with you spidey.

I don't think most of us are outraged! It's not like you had to drive far, not a big deal really.

At least know, tomorrow, you will have a 11 year old at your beck and call, when you want the dishwasher emptied, the floors hoovered or whatever!

Same as trinity, I would take her a bag but I wouldn't have said yes in the first place.

Thank God! I was beginning to feel like monster mum.

YANBU in my opinion as I often have impromtu sleepovers here and they use dss stuff and I have spare toothbrushes. Even girls who stay just chill out in their tracksuits etc..

mine have always gone to sleep at mates sans bag. always borowing a t-shirt/shorts

and similarly mates who stay get offered too.

you are not monster mum but yabu, you should have dropped things round during the day

no toothbrush? dearie me!

sorry spider I think you are wrong, however you have the "right" ahem attitude on my pet subject so you are forgiven

hope you don't get a lot of grief tomorrow

YANBU

It would not occur to me to ask the ohter mum to drive over with stuff. I normally have a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet and if not her teeth will not fall out from not brushing her teeth one night.

my ds1 often has impromptu sleepovers - has one tonight and I don't take anything round for him.

Sure it'll be ok for one night.

I did ask him if he wanted anything but he's fine.

...mind you posting on here is asking for it

Sorry didn't read you'd bowed to pressure and gone round

I wouldn't have taken three kids out in the dark just to drop off a toothbrush and a pair of skivvies

I'd have said "You can, but you'll have to ask C to lend you a toothbrush and some clean pants - otherwise you'll have to come home"

[meanie mustard emoticon]

I'd have said the same Greensleeves as I'm always ready with some blackmailing

yeah greensleeves yeah!

memo to self

read second page of thread

how nice of you spider

although greeny's advice also good

I can't believe so many people thought you should go round.

it's only a toothbrush! and quite frankly, if she was that bothered about a clean pair of pants (and for some inexplicable reason couldn't borrow some from her friend) then she could always have rinsed hers out and left to dry overnight...

At that age I used ot regularly call my mum form school at lunchtime to ask whether I could stay with a friend (and vice versa) - did my mum turn out to bring stuff for me? did she hell as like.

if the dd in question is good enough friends with the family to have spent all day there, and be expecting a yes to an impromptu sleepover request, surely the families are close enough to be able to find spare pyjamas/clean pants etc?